Ep #111: The Importance of Celebration with Brig Johnson

Hey, this is Lindsay Dotzlaf and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills, episode 111.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Hey coach, welcome to the podcast party, come on in. I am so happy you’re here. So this week I’m doing something a little bit different as you may have noticed. If you’re like, wait, it’s Monday, or it’s Wednesday, or it’s Thursday and there is a podcast today, yes, this is an entire week of podcast party bonuses.

So as I said on my episode last week, this month I am focusing the entire month on celebrations. On celebrating, why we celebrate, the importance of celebrating, and just really digging into some things that come up when we talk about celebrating and just why it is so, so, so important for us to do, especially if we’re growing businesses or really working on being the best coach possible for our clients which is, of course, my favorite thing, and also important for your clients, right?

A lot of times we love to set big goals, we love to help our clients with big goals, and it’s really important to take time along the way to celebrate, to see the small wins, to say like oh, I’m so proud of myself for achieving this piece, for doing this thing.

So this week happens to be my birthday. So for my birthday what I decided was I want to have a party, a podcast party. So every day this week, every day, I am interviewing people from my life who I’m very close to that I have asked to be on the podcast and we are talking all things celebrating, all things fun.

And I will say, when I first started recording these I thought, “Oh, I’m not really sure where this is going to go and this will just be fun to record.” But I’m going to tell you right now, some of these conversations are going to blow your mind. Some of them get very, very deep. And all of these people know me very well, so they tend to be a little bit more of a casual conversation.

So I just want to give a caveat, if you are listening with children, you might pop in some headphones or save this one for later because throughout this week as I’m interviewing my party guests we just talk about some adult related themes, just like you would at any adult party. So that is what’s happening, happy podcast party, come on in and join the fun.

Lindsay: Hello, I am so glad you are here today. Welcome to the podcast party. This is the first time I’ve ever done this, as you know, we talked about it earlier, and I’m just so excited. You’re my first guest, you were my very first podcast guest, and now you’re my first guest at my podcast party. Welcome.

Brig: I love it. I love it. Thank you.

Lindsay: So thank you so, so much for agreeing to do this. I know it was kind of a silly idea. And I reached out to you and said, “Hey, I’m thinking of doing this thing.” And I actually thought of you in the very beginning because you were my first guest and because I just came up on two years of podcasting.

And I thought, oh, wouldn’t it be fun to check back in with you and see how it’s going? And then that just kind of expanded this idea of, actually we could have a whole party.

Brig: Just a party.

Lindsay: A party, yes.

Brig: Sure.

Lindsay: So my guest who hasn’t introduced herself yet, we have almost the exact same birthdays, which is why another reason it popped into my head to do this. So introduce yourself, tell them when your birthday is.

Brig: Okay. I am Brig Johnson and my birthday is December the 11th. Can I give the year? 1964. Yes, I am a baby boomer. 64, it’s the best year ever.

Lindsay: That’s so funny because it really blows my mind to hear you say that. So my birthday is December 14th, so a couple days after yours. And I was born in 1980, so I will be 42 this year. But it’s so funny because I never think of you as being older than me.

Brig: Yes, I know. I’ll be 58 on my birthday this year. I’m like, “Yeah, let’s go.”

Lindsay: One thing I do love about watching you celebrate your birthdays is that you have taught me how to really celebrate getting older and think about the way we celebrate our age and just all of that. So I do want to thank you for that.

Brig: Thank you. Yeah, it was very intentional for me because we can’t stop the process. So it’s either going to drag us or we either get along and get on it and control it, or it just happens to us. And I was like, no, this just isn’t going to happen to me.

Lindsay: So good.

Brig: Yeah.

Lindsay: Well, we will get back to some of that in a little bit, definitely some of the ways that you like to celebrate your birthday. For those people that are listening that haven’t heard you, you have been on here before, but if anyone is hearing you for the first time, just tell him a little bit about what you do, how we know each other, anything you want to share.

Brig: Oh yes, for sure. Well, let’s just say this, Lindsay was like my first one-on-one coach, and we coached for a year and a half. And so she’s been with me through my, like I almost think you saw my vision before I did.

Lindsay: Oh, I know I did, for sure.

Brig: And I think I just caught up with your vision. I remember coming down the escalator one time at an event that we both were at. And I didn’t see you, but I was coming down the escalator and I had the vision of like this event could be mine. And I immediately went, “Oh, this is what Lindsay was envisioning for me.”

Lindsay: Yes.

Brig: Yes.

Lindsay: But just to be clear, you haven’t caught up because mine has grown.

Brig: Of course it has. But I’m Brig Johnson, I am a master certified coach. And I coach high-achieving Black professional and career women.

Lindsay: Love it.

Brig: That’s my niche.

Lindsay: Yeah, and you were here on the podcast two years ago and we were talking about, you were kind of I think just stepping into this niche, right?

Brig: Yeah, I think I had been in it for a little while, but I was still doing it on a one-on-one. And now I’m like, yeah, I’ve totally owned this niche now. And I just laugh at the fact that it took us seven months for me, like seven months of coaching for me to go, “I think I could do this.”

Lindsay: That’s probably the number one feedback I’ve had about that first podcast that we did, is people saying, “Oh my gosh, I’m so grateful that you two talked about that.” Because sometimes it feels so hard when you’re in it and you’re like, “I have to get coaching on this again,” right?

Brig: Right.

Lindsay: And I’ve had so many coaches tell me, “Oh, that was so freeing to just know sometimes that’s okay.”

Brig: Yeah. I think we coached alternatively on two things that whole six months. It was like it was either going to be my friend or my niche, that’s it. That was the drama.

Lindsay: Pretty much, yeah. There were some other things sprinkled in.

Brig: Yeah, a sprinkle. Yeah, totally.

Lindsay: So as I already said, you and I share, almost share birthdays. We have very close birthdays. So one thing I’m wondering is, are you into astrology at all?

Brig: No, I’m not.

Lindsay: Okay.

Brig: But I know I’m a Sagittarius. And everything I read about Sagittarius, I’m like, “Yep, that’s me. Yep, that’s me.” I love the one that it says like everything they touch turns to gold. I’m like, I’m going to take that thought. Like they’re good with money. I’m like, I’m definitely going to take that thought.

Lindsay: I love that. So I’m not very into horoscopes or any of that, but interestingly, yesterday someone I know sent me something that was my horoscope. And I thought, wouldn’t it be fun? Because part of what it said, I was like, “Oh my gosh, this does describe Brig and I’m going to bring it up on the podcast tomorrow.”

Brig: So good. I got to hear it now.

Lindsay: I’m so curious what you think of this because the first line that it says is, Sagittarius women are arguably the wild child of the zodiac. What do you think about that?

Brig: I think so.

Lindsay: What does that mean for you though? If you think about that in your life, how does that show up for you?

Brig: I think for me it’s like don’t put me in a box. Like the last thing you can do is put me in a box. Like if you put me in a box, I am going to like kick and scream and figure out a way out of it. Even when I put myself in a box, like I don’t even like it when I put myself in a box. I’m like, “Wait a minute, why are you thinking that way? Why are you doing this?” Like I will like no, huh-uh.

Lindsay: Yeah, I completely agree. And I was thinking about this for myself, because I think my college friends would say like, “Oh, yeah, this is probably true.” But I think people that know me more now, probably wild isn’t a word that they would use to describe me. But I completely relate to what you just said, which is you better not give me rules because I’m going to break them. And even sometimes I’m like, where did these rules come from? I’m like, oh yeah, myself. What’s happening? I set them.

Brig: Right? Totally. Yeah, I wouldn’t think of myself as the wild one. I used to be very extroverted and I’m noticing as I’m getting older, I’m more of the I’ll just kind of sit around and I like more quiet. Even though I go to the big things and I’ll dance and everything, but I’m still going to be like at a table with people that I know. You know what I mean?

Lindsay: Oh yeah.

Brig: So I’m not wild like that but like, I can’t remember. I was getting ready to say something that was going to be really good, and I lost it. I don’t know what it was, but it was going to be good.

Lindsay: It’s going to come back and it’s going to be even better.

Brig: Yes.

Lindsay: Okay, so it also says they are determined, which I’m like 100% this could be a description of you. They’re determined to live life to the fullest, most adventurous, most fun-loving, sociable and welcoming extent that they can.

Brig: I totally agree with it. Like, yes. It’s like as I’m getting older now, I’m like looking for the adventure. Like I’m literally trying not to sell my house and get a RV. Like I’m literally trying. Like please don’t go do that, Brig.

Lindsay: You’re begging yourself, please don’t do that.

Brig: I just literally see it. I’m like my Instagram is full of people who live in these buses. Like my Instagram is full of them. Like yep, me and the dogs, gone, just traveling.

Oh, I know what it was I was going to say. It was even in coaching, like for those of you guys that don’t know, I’m one of the master coach instructors. And one of the reasons why I love –

Lindsay: At The Life Coach School.

Brig: At The Life Coach School. One of the reasons why I love it is because that’s a level where we break all the rules. I’m like, no, I don’t want to teach the one where we have the rules. I want to teach the one where we break the rules.

Lindsay: I have never thought of it like that. That’s interesting.

Brig: Right? It’s yeah, it’s the one like no, like yeah, we’re going to break all the rules and you’re going to come into your own coaching style, yeah. Which is, I’m sure, the same thing you do in Coaching Masters. So yes, once again, we’re doing the same thing.

Lindsay: Of course. Oh yeah. 100% what I teach. When people ask me, you know, where are you certified or what methods do you use? And I tell them, but I say these are tools, I see all of these things that I’ve learned as tools that I’ve collected. And now I’m figuring out how do I make it my own? How do I use it for myself? And I think that that’s exactly what I teach in my programs and my coaching.

Brig: Right, so yeah.

Lindsay: I love it.

Brig: Maybe there’s something to that horoscope thing.

Lindsay: I know, right? Well it was so funny because I literally was reading this and thought, “I couldn’t have written a better description of Brig.”

Brig: Right.

Lindsay: One thing that I will say, so when I planned this and I called it a podcast party because it just happens to be the week of my birthday and I thought how fun would that be to think about who would I want to invite to my party? So I created rules. This is amazing, because we were just talking about rules.

So I created rules and then I immediately broke the first one because I thought, okay, well it’s going to be, first I’m picking five. There’s going to be some surprises, a couple days there will be more than one person. But I’m picking five days of guests and I want them to kind of be all different, all have different ways of celebrating, like different views on all the things. How do we make this, you know, be sure that it’s not all just the same?

And then I thought, and I’ve had a lot of my close friends and clients on my podcast, so it’s going to be no one who’s been on my podcast before. And then I immediately asked you to do the first one.

Brig: Right. Let’s break the rule.

Lindsay: Yeah. But to me, and for anybody listening that’s like, “Wait, why didn’t she ask me to do this?” It is because that was a rule, but our birthdays were so close that I just thought I can’t. Brig just has to be there.

Brig: Yes.

Lindsay: So one thing I did with each guest, I took a minute to just think about if I was having an actual party, if I was inviting you to my house, inviting you to my birthday party or something like that, who you are as a guest. So I’m going to tell you.

Brig: This is going to be interesting.

Lindsay: And then I’m just curious what your thoughts are about it.

Brig: Okay.

Lindsay: Okay. So if I knew you were coming to my house and I knew you’re here and you ring the doorbell or you just come in or whatever, and what I would envision is you just kind of coming in and like, “Okay, what do you need? How can I help? Oh, let me cook that, like kind of get out of the way. Why isn’t the music on? We need a little kitchen swagger, let’s put that on. Just let me help you.”

And I also know that you’d be the person that if I had any issues, if anything went wrong you would be the first one to solve all the problems. You would get me the medicine, or find me the help or whatever it was. And, which I think this speaks to maybe the duality of, I think, both of us probably, is like you’d also kind of be the life of the party. Everyone would be so excited to see you and so excited you were there.

Brig: Yeah, either that or I would show up and just be against the wall. So it would either be one or the other. I kind of go to extremes. But yeah, and I think the thing that gets me off the wall is let me just help, let me show up, let me, because that’s the thing that gets me off the wall. If not, I would sit there and observe and like talk, but if I see anything that needs to be done, of course, I’m there. I’m like I am that person, yeah.

Lindsay: 100%. You have saved me more than once. I think we talked about that maybe on the last episode, but you have been there for me in ways that other people are like, “Oh, that sucks. Good luck.” And you’re like, “No, no, no, let me help you. You’re having an allergic reaction. Let me get you 20 medicines, you’re going to take all of them, one of them is going to work.”

Brig: Right? It was like, just in case this one doesn’t work, here’s another one. And if that doesn’t work, take these too.

Lindsay: Yes. And then you text me and check on me and make sure I’m okay. I’m sure a little bit of that is the nurse coming out.

Brig: Yes, it is.

Lindsay: I think that’s probably why. It’s like the chicken or the egg, you’re probably good at those things, which is what made you a great nurse.

Brig: Right? I remember also I think you were having a hypoglycemic thing and all the doors to the event was closed and I was like, “No, open up this event. Like, nope, give me some food out of here.” And I was like, “Nope, open it up, food in here. She needs food.”

Lindsay: Yeah, you brought me a banana.

Brig: Right, I brought you something.

Lindsay: It was perfect. I ate it, I stopped shaking, it was perfect.

Brig: Yes, yes.

Lindsay: You are just that friend who’s very observant, who just you, I think you knew. You said something’s wrong. And I was like, “I’m fine.” You were like, “No, no, something’s definitely wrong.” And yeah, you just took over.

Brig: Yeah.

Lindsay: I love that about you. I would also say that in in my kind of more local friend group, that’s probably the role sometimes that I fill. So it’s very nice to know that someone also has my back like that.

Brig: Yeah, they call it auntie or mama energy. I was like, I know. I know. It really is nurse energy or, like you said, it’s the chicken or the egg, like it’s just what made me good at anesthesia. It’s like, yeah, so.

Lindsay: My first thought when I was thinking about that was I was like, oh, it’s really like mom energy. And then I thought, but like calling you mom just isn’t, it just doesn’t fit with your personality, with who I know you as. And so that was just like, meh. But it is that type of energy.

Brig: Yeah, yeah. Which I think helps me and it probably helps you the same way, is I don’t like following the rules and I want to help, and I’m very observant. So it helps me with coaching. It’s like, oh, she just dropped her shoulder or she said that. Like I’m just so observant about everything and so I think that helps me coach, just bring that into my coaching.

Lindsay: Yeah, I love that. When you think about celebrating, what are your favorite ways? So let’s just start with like your birthday, like that type of celebration. What are your favorite ways to celebrate?

Brig: It’s always going to be with friends and family. I would rather do that than a big, big thing. I usually know if I’m going to really go out for a birthday or not a year in advance. Like right now, like 58, if you asked me what my plans are for my birthday, I have plans, it’s just going to be with my friends, special dinner. No big deal. Like I’m going to be in England, I’m going to see my – My birthday present is to go see my baby and my grandbaby in England.

Lindsay: I love that.

Brig: So it’s more reserved. But then there’s those times where I’m like, “Yeah, we’re going to celebrate.” And so I have a whole vision for my 60th birthday. Kind of like I had for my 55th, which I know that’s kind of what you’re leading up to.

Lindsay: Well we’re definitely going to get there for sure. We have to warm people up though, we can’t just go straight into that.

Brig: We got to warm them up. We’re going to warm them up.

Lindsay: But when you think about celebrating with friends, would you rather host a party or would you rather go to a party?

Brig: I think both. I would, yeah, both.

Lindsay: Me too.

Brig: Yeah, both.

Lindsay: Do you like surprises?

Brig: I love surprises. But even more than surprises, I love surprising people. Like I just absolutely, yes, I absolutely love it.

Lindsay: I just recorded, as we are recording this you haven’t heard it yet because it comes out tomorrow. But I just recorded a podcast about money and talking about just ways that we think about money. And one of the things I said is that I love to give gifts, kind of, and I love to receive gifts.

But it’s not really, like I don’t just want a gift, right? Like if you’re coming to my house for my birthday, like that is plenty of a gift. I don’t need like, oh, here’s just this gift. But if someone says, “I saw this and I thought of you and you had to have it,” right, like that’s so different.

Brig: Yes.

Lindsay: That’s like, “Oh, thank you.”

Brig: Yeah. Right? I remember somebody said they saw the shirt unfuck-with-able, can I say that?

Lindsay: Absolutely yes. Listen, these are the party podcasts, you can say whatever you want.

Brig: They were like, “I have to give you that T-shirt.” I was like, “Thank you.”

Lindsay: So good.

Brig: Yeah.

Lindsay: Okay, so let’s just go there. Let’s just talk about, is it your 55th birthday celebration?

Brig: Mm-hmm.

Lindsay: Because that blew my whole mind. That really transformed my idea of how we celebrate ourselves as women, and aging, and all of that. And it was so fun for me, just to experience, like to watch you do all of the things.

Brig: Yeah, I remember, I think it was you that taught me that this was not just a big deal for me, it was a big deal for everybody. Because you were like, “Brig, I am tied to my Instagram right now.” You were like, “What is she doing next?” And I was just literally just, I think that’s the first time I learned about going live and I was just doing snippets of the journey and bringing people along, but not very, like until you said, “No Brig, I’m like what is she going to show next?” Because I’m like showing the shopping and I’m showing everything.

But yeah, that was transformational for me too, to see like, oh, I’m influencing people on how to celebrate themselves. I was teaching myself how to celebrate myself, like literally.

Lindsay: Well and I think now, so we’re going to talk about what it was. But I also think now that you bring it into some of your coaching and your coaching experiences that you do with your clients.

Brig: Yes, totally. Yeah, I totally do.

Lindsay: So tell the people what it was.

Brig: I did a boudoir, or plain English I did a butt naked photo shoot for my 55th birthday. And I planned it a year or a year and a half in advance. And I had a trainer and I was like, “Look, we got a year. We got a year from now, a year and a half, but I want to look amazing for my 55th and I’m going to take a butt naked picture, like to myself to say this is me at 55 and this is beautiful and this is amazing.”

But what the caveat was, and this was where coaching comes in, with the caveat of no matter how I looked when I show up. Even though I was going to work towards it, whatever the result was, I was going to own it. Like that was the caveat, like owning it no matter what. And because of that, I enjoyed the experience so much as opposed to if I’m not this size then I’m not going to enjoy it. No, it was none of that.

Lindsay: You owned the shit out of it. And what I thought was so interesting, I can’t remember, maybe I was your coach at the time or we were just finishing up coaching. I can’t really remember where we were on that, so we weren’t quite as close. We were close but not quite as close as we are now.

And I just remember seeing the photos, because when you say boudoir photo shoot I didn’t picture this. Because I’ve seen boudoir photos before and I’m not a, I mean by all means, people do them if they want to. I’m just not a huge fan. I don’t see those and think like, oh, this is incredible, right? Like they’re usually very sexy and whatever. But yours were sexy, but they were so powerful.

Brig: Yes. Yeah, I think it was because what you saw was that I had a year to accept me at 55 and it was about owning every flaw, every dimple, every cellulite, every wrinkle, every sag and I’m beautiful. It was like that. I knew I was going to show up like that. It was celebrating my whole journey. It was celebrating all the eff ups that I thought I had, all of my mistakes. It was about celebrating my life and where I was in the journey. It was owning all of it like everything. So it was more of like a rite of passage almost. Yeah.

Lindsay: I think maybe that’s part of why it was so powerful for me, because we had coached on so many just things that were deep and things that you’d been carrying for a long time. And so I think as your coach at that point, like seeing photos like that and seeing how powerful you looked and seeing you own every piece of it was just, it just gave me chills.

Brig: Right? Yeah, I loved it. And I love the fact that we did it, like I started out with like a suit and then it was like a sexy dress.

Lindsay: Oh yeah, just less and less clothes.

Brig: Right? And the rosé was pouring, so by the time I got to no clothes, I was free.

Lindsay: Yeah. You were sending me photos throughout the day, like every once in a while I’d get a couple of photos. And I saw you were posting them all, which I was so in love with.

Brig: Yes.

Lindsay: And I just remember thinking, “Oh, oh, okay.” Because at first I thought, “Oh, she told me they were naked photos. These aren’t naked photos.” And then they just kept coming and it was like, “Oh, yeah, those are. Oh, there we are.”

Brig: Right? But it was about the evolution, yeah.

Lindsay: What I also loved about it is it wasn’t just, and I think this when I think about any kind of celebration and any kind of like why do we celebrate, you didn’t just show up somewhere and take some photos. You planned a whole, I mean and there was the whole lead-up to it and all the work you did to mentally prepare. And then there was the day, I mean it was a whole day. It was a whole production. I think you went to New York, and you live in Texas.

Brig: Right.

Lindsay: And hair, makeup, and you had friends there.

Brig: Yes, I had my squad, I had everything. Like I picked an Airbnb that was beautiful that was in Harlem because I wanted that vibe. We went to like the Red Rooster. If you are in Harlem, you know Red Rooster. We went to the Red Rooster, we had dinner before, the night before, we had a car service. Like it was an experience. What I wanted was an experience, not just something that I did, but an experience.

And that’s what you were alluded to, and then I created that for my clients and gave them an experience with the same photographer. This photographer was amazing, and if you want we can put him in the show notes, but he has amazing.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Brig: Andre, Ricardo Andre.

Lindsay: I mean I already sent you photos that I thought you should do for your next one and you told me that I’m the one who has to do it. So, obviously, if I’m going to do it, I might as well get his name.

Brig: Right? And I’m like, yes. I’m going to do them too, but I’m like, yes, those are amazing, you should definitely do them. But he is amazing. And I think it was about picking the photographer, like yes it was worth it to fly to New York, but the pick the one that was going to give me that experience.

Like I was protecting the whole experience of celebrating myself. And someone that was going to be able to capture me in a beautiful way. We literally shot all day and he was like, “My professional models don’t even want to shoot this long.” He’s like, “You were in there like 10 hours like, yep, let’s shoot.”

Lindsay: So good, just keep going.

Brig: Just keep going. Yes.

Lindsay: What do you think was the importance of having your friends there? And just to set up the question so you know why I’m asking, I think this goes into also like why is it so important to have a community, to have coaching colleagues, to have people in your business or just in your life in general who are supporting the things that you’re doing?

Brig: Yeah, I call it a success squad. I think I got that from Jennifer, Jennifer Dent-Brown. But, yeah, to have people, like we are about connection. And celebrating is good when you do it for yourself, and I am a big proponent of people self-celebrating.

But when you can bring other people around, you just normalize it that much more. It’s like I’m celebrating this big win and somebody else is going, “Yes, that’s worth celebrating.” I think it allows us and gives us permission to celebrate. So I curated that event, picked the friends that I wanted there, and yeah.

Lindsay: That’s so good. What do you do with the photos now? Anything? Or was it more of the experience than the actual like having of the photos?

Brig: Right. Now, the butt naked ones I have one in my bedroom.

Lindsay: Like on the wall.

Brig: Yeah, right?

Lindsay: I love it. Do you really?

Brig: No, I don’t.

Lindsay: Okay.

Brig: But it’s not like a life-sized one on my wall. I’m going to do it again at 60, I have already decided. So maybe the 60th one I’m like, yeah, this is it, like life-sized on my wall. Maybe, I don’t know. Yeah, but the other ones I use for my marketing, most of them.

Now the ones where I have a little T and A, I play around with them a little bit like, yeah. But they’re all on Facebook, that’s the funny thing. Not Facebook, but Instagram. Like I literally, I can’t believe that I did that but yeah, they’re there.

Lindsay: I remember you telling me as you were doing it, “I can’t believe that I’m posting these. I just posted them. I just posted more.” And I would go look and I was like, “Oh, you sure did.”

Brig: Yeah, talking about like embracing the discomfort and doing it anyway. If that was a thing, that is exactly what I did. Like, yeah, totally.

Lindsay: So my sister and I were just having a conversation recently about how we think it’s normal and expected for people to get more eccentric as they get older. So I think that for each one you do, the photos just get bigger and bigger.

Brig: Yeah, yeah. But it was so funny because I took one with me in a panty and bra and my birthday and a cake, blowing out a candle. And someone else saw the picture and then made a post and said, “Do you think a 55 year old should be posting pictures of herself in a panty and bra? Shouldn’t we leave that to the 20 year olds?”

And I was like, ‘Oh no, that’s exactly why I am doing this. Like no, our life didn’t stop because I’m 20, 30, 40. No, my life did not stop at 55.” I was like, that fired me up so much more, that’s why I started posting even more because I was like, no, life begins. Imagine a world full of people that believe that their life ends at 50.

Lindsay: I mean I hope not, I’m getting there.

Brig: I know, right? Like that wouldn’t even be a fun world to live in.

Lindsay: No. I don’t think I knew that that was happening, or that that happened, someone did that.

Brig: Yes. Yeah, it was like you should know better. And I was like, “Oh, I do. You’re absolutely right. The 20 year olds? Oh hell no, you’re not going to waste all that on 20 year olds, they don’t even know what to do with it.”

Lindsay: It’s funny to even think about that because I think, and maybe this is partially due to coaching, but I think the older I get, the more I learn to just love and accept myself. And I think I’d be more likely to do it now than when I was 25.

Brig: Yeah. Right, that’s what I’m saying. It’s like, no, like when you’re doing it at 55 it is about owning it all. Yeah, I think it’s so much more beautiful. Yeah.

Lindsay: And the reason behind it is probably different than it would be if you were 25 doing it.

Brig: Yes.

Lindsay: I mean, not that that’s bad, right? Like definitely own it, do whatever you want. And I just remember feeling so just inspired by that.

Brig: Yeah. I did my first set at 28, and I actually think my ones at 55 looked better. It was a better experience because of the work I did getting there.

Lindsay: How many times have you done this?

Brig: Three times already. I did it in my 20s, I did it at 35, and I did it at 55. And I’ll do it again at 60, for sure.

Lindsay: I love it. Okay, so what do you think is the importance of celebrating? Just in general, whether it’s like celebrating, you know, since we’re both coaches, celebrating something in your business, celebrating milestones, or just celebrating things in your life.

Brig: Okay, I thought about this and so I have three things I’m going to share, and I’ll share it real quick. One is I think it’s important for us to celebrate because we tell ourselves we’re on the right path. Like it’s our way of telling ourselves we’re on the right path because if not, then we’re following society’s bread crumbs.

And that’s leading us, like if we’re wanting their bread crumbs, then that’s leading us in a direction opposite for maybe the way we want to go. So it’s just a way of like, no, you’re on the right path. It’s like you’re like, yeah, look at you, look at what you’re doing, like that.

I think too, and another reason why it’s important to do it, is it builds self-trust. Like we can’t do what I call the epic shit, that’s what I coach my people on. It’s like, no, we’re doing epic shit, putting our brilliance out into the world. We can’t do that without self-trust, and the way we build self-trust is to celebrate ourselves. Like totally celebrate ourselves, even celebrating the things that we don’t think need celebrating.

It’s like, I remember celebrating myself when I showed up to a webinar and no one was on it. Like no one. And I did the entire webinar and I celebrated the fact that you stayed on and you gave that presentation. I felt so proud of myself after I celebrated myself.

Lindsay: Yes.

Brig: Right? The next the next time I did it I had like two and I was like, “See, we’re getting better.”

Lindsay: I think this is so good. And I told you I have recorded a few podcasts for the month, and one of them is specifically talking about this. Like why we celebrate, why it’s important, all of that. And so far, yeah, we’re right on track.

And I think that when we just have one singular goal, right, for example, the webinar, right? If your goal attached to that is and I’m going to sign five clients, let’s say. And that is the only goal, it’s the only thing you’re going to celebrate, you miss all the goodness that happens along the way.

Brig: Yeah, I call it arrival hunger, like we’re just hungry for the, I’ve arrived, right? And I remember Kara Loewentheil said a quote and she said, “That which we are not hungry for, will never satisfy us.” And I was like, what? So it’s like we think the arrival is the thing that we’re hungry for, but that’s not. What we’re hungry for is trusting ourselves.

Lindsay: Yes.

Brig: So even if we arrived, we wouldn’t be satisfied by it because it can’t satisfy us. Us developing self-trust, which is through celebration, is the thing that’s going to satisfy us.

Lindsay: Yeah. And I think of it as, I said this on a podcast I just recorded, but I think of it as, you know, sometimes people are like, “Oh, celebrating,” maybe they don’t love that specific word or it doesn’t resonate as much with them. But to me it’s like finding the enjoyment in all the things, because if the only enjoyment is when you hit that very end goal, what a miserable journey.

Brig: Right. But just think about it, we’re both parents, think about when it stops because we celebrate our kids journeys. Oh, look at you, you walked this much. Or you poo-pooed in a potty, like you kind of halfway made it, right? Like we celebrate all the way, and then as an adult we only celebrate the final.

Like why did we stop that? If that process worked, like we do that naturally so it must be innately a thing to do. But we stop offering that to ourselves at some point and we kind of let the world do it for us. And I think the reason why is that we don’t think we have the authority or the right to celebrate it. It’s like I don’t have the right to celebrate myself at 55 butt naked with all this cellulite. Hell yeah I do, right? It’s like to give ourselves the authority to celebrate.

Lindsay: Yes.

Brig: I don’t have the right to celebrate that I got onto a consult and they said no. I don’t have the authority to celebrate that. Yeah you do.

Lindsay: Yeah. Especially if it’s, you know, if you’re like, I just did my whole first webinar the first time I’ve ever done it. Yeah, maybe you have a goal that’s like I’m going to sign five clients or whatever it is. But what about planning it? That, to me, is the hardest part. I mean I can do it, but that’s hard. And just the fact that I planned it, I got on, I did the thing, who cares if nobody came? That was just step one, keep going.

Brig: Yeah. We do this, like I’m really on a build muscle because I’m getting older, so muscle is a thing. That’s what started the I’m going to take the butt naked thing, it was like, yeah, I’m putting on muscle. So I just noticed I’m so happy when I go up on weights.

It’s not like like whatever the goal is, you’re supposed to be able to squat half your body size or whatever, double your – I don’t know. But if I go up five pounds, I am so proud of myself, right, on that journey and celebrate. Even if it’s like I did three more reps than I normally did, I notice that and I’m proud of it. But in business for some reason we’re like only the arrival. That’s it. I’m like, no.

Lindsay: Using that analogy I think there’s even the part where you celebrate because you didn’t feel like showing up today and you showed up at least a little bit.

Brig: You showed up, right? Yes.

Lindsay: I think sometimes that is the hardest part of the journey, is like on days that you’re on and you feel like going to the gym and lifting the weights, like yeah that feels great. And yes, I went up five pounds and this is all amazing. But to me the day is that are like let’s really make sure we notice this, take it in, celebrate it are the days that I don’t even want to show up at all and I go anyway.

Brig: Right? It’s like, oh my God, I want to quit. I don’t want to be here. And you’re like just 20 minutes then. I even celebrate like, yeah, 20 minutes, that’s it. That was enough. That’s good. Yeah, celebrate it all.

Lindsay: Love it. Okay, did you say all three? I think maybe you only said two. And then I interrupted you.

Brig: I did.

Lindsay. Oh, you did.

Brig: I said all three, I was like to show us we’re on the right path, to develop self-trust. And the reason why we don’t is because we don’t assume our authority. Like we don’t have the right to celebrate, we have to ask like can I? Can I ask? Can I celebrate that? Yeah, you can.

Lindsay: Yeah. That’s so good. And it’s so applicable, whether it’s your coaching, your coaching business, or just your life.

Brig: Yeah, totally. I think if we just lived a life where we celebrate ourselves, can I tell you?

Lindsay: You take over, you tell me whatever you want tell me. I love it.

Brig: For those of you who don’t know, I got a new puppy, Apollo. And he’s bred from Germany, like whatever. Like this purebred German Shepherd. Anyway, and when I got him, like I spent a lot of money on this dog. And when I got him they said don’t tell him no. Like don’t correct him at all. I’m like, how the hell am I going to potty train him if I can’t correct him?

It was like we want him to be confident. This is the dog that if you want him to be this protection dog for you, or be this strong dog for you, he needs to know if you say go do it, he doesn’t need to be second guessing himself.

Lindsay: Interesting.

Brig: So it was like only do positive for the first six to seven months because that’s when those brain neural pathways are going and we want a confident dog. After that we’ll do correction. So it’s like my dog is going around and I’m like, he’s on the couch, he’s biting me, he’s doing all this stuff and I’m like, “Okay, I can’t say no.”

And I’m like, but it was like I understand the premise of you want him to be confident. So I just found ways to celebrate when he did right and when he did something that I enjoyed. And I celebrated that so much that the other things just went away. Like totally went away and he’s as confident as I don’t know what dog. Like if I said go do that, he’d be like, yep, sure will. No problem, right?

And I’m like, why do I then beat myself up along the way, as opposed to if I want to be a confident person in my business, how about I celebrate myself along the way?

Lindsay: Yes.

Brig: Because then I’ll run through those whatever, I’ll jump off the building because I’m celebrating and I have that confidence and self-trust.

Lindsay: I love that. So many people, so many of my clients, particularly in the Coach Lab where I teach them how to evaluate their coaching, they come to me and they want coaching on, “But it just feels so bad. I hate doing evaluations.”

And the evaluations are just, I’ve talked about them on the podcast before, but it’s just like after a session or after a week of coaching or at some point just evaluating. Or if you think, “I have a difficult client,” and you’re trying to figure out like where do I go from here? And it’s really just looking at what went well in that session or that week of coaching? What stood out to me that maybe didn’t? And what is my path forward, right? Like what are the exact changes I’m going to make for next time?

And sometimes people come and they’re like, “It just feels so terrible. I just can’t, I hate it.” And I just think it’s so interesting because I think sometimes when people hear celebrating they think, but if I’m just celebrating this, how will I ever get better?

And sometimes the assignment I’ll give them, I’ve given this to some of my clients where I say, “Okay, you’re no longer allowed to do the second part. All you’re doing after your calls, or after your sessions, or whatever, is all the things that went great.” And they’re like, “What?” Like they get so, it really throws them off. And it changes everything for them.

Brig: Yeah, just like the puppy.

Lindsay: Because it really becomes like what went great? Yeah, that’s what made me think of it, right? It’s like, what went great? And how do I do more of that, right? Like how do I, and I think naturally, even when your brain is going there you can also see, oh, this went really well and here’s what I maybe wouldn’t do next time. But you don’t even have to focus on that, right? You just focus on what are these little things that I did this time that went really well?

Brig: So good. Yeah, I love that.

Lindsay: Just like the puppy.

Brig: Just like the puppy. I was baffled at how I was going to potty train this dog. But he, I mean, within two weeks he was potty trained and it was because I celebrated.

Lindsay: Yeah, so good.

Brig: so good.

Lindsay: I love that. I think that one thing that this makes me think of is when sometimes, of course, we see this on social media sometimes, right, you know, know coaches who do this type of thing. And I’m sure I’ve totally big been guilty of this in the past, where something happens, like I hit a big goal or a big milestone and I’m like, “Okay, how am I going to celebrate?”

And then instead of remembering why I would celebrate, it might be like, and I don’t do this now, but there’s a very distinct memory where it’s like, oh, I’m going to buy this thing. I’m going to buy this purse or whatever it was to just signify, you know, and then every time I look at the purse I’ll remember this thing. And it was great, I mean I love the purse.

And probably a month later, right, it was just like there was no strong connection made of like, this was like a really big accomplishment, I should be very proud of myself, I should, right, like all of those things. And I think, you know, sometimes I talk to coaches who are like I just don’t know, I don’t like to celebrate like I see some people celebrating on social media or wherever.

And I’m such a big proponent of finding your way, like not thinking, oh, that means I have to spend this money or take a big trip, or whatever, any of the things that you see people doing. I’m curious what your thoughts are about that.

Brig: I was thinking about that with my 55th birthday. It was an experience, I was gifting myself the whole entire experience, not just like marking it with this. And because I envisioned it the entire time, like there was time with it, like I lived that version of me, that that was the gift. That was the experience, it wasn’t like I’m going to just go do this thing. It was more of an experience.

So I’m trying to think of how did I do that when I crossed over to 100k. And I think it was the same thing. It was like I lived every day in that experience of this is who I am, this is who I am. So when I became her, it wasn’t about going and doing something, it was the experience of it. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.

Lindsay: No, I think 100%.

Brig: Okay.

Lindsay: I think when I was thinking about your, like the photo shoot for example, I think that it wasn’t about just showing up and taking some photos and just like having the photos, right? It was the whole experience of getting there and then those actions that you took those like, this is how I’m showing up, was really just the solidifying of this is who I am now. Like I am here, I did all of this work to get here.

Brig: Right. Now I’m so glad you said that because this next year, I’m going to put this on the podcast. I can’t believe I’m saying this.

Lindsay: You heard it here first.

Brig: I know, right?

Lindsay: Breaking news.

Brig: This next year is when I take my business from 300k to a million. And so living in that now would be the experience of like not the destination, the arrival. But like living in it now, feeling it now, what am I going to do? What’s the experience like? It would be me creating that experience now of what it’s going to be like. Where we’re going to go, where I’m going to eat, but the whole feeling. It’s not a mental exercise, it’s a whole body exercise.

Lindsay: Yes. And I think the just like, oh, I’ve arrived, I’m going to buy myself this prize, I’m going to book this trip, this whatever it is, right? That is like a mental exercise, right? That’s like, oh, can I be challenged to spend this money? Can I buy this thing that like commemorates the thing? Versus the whole experience of becoming the person, which I think is a coach-y thing to say. You hear coaches talk about this, “Oh, the person I become along the way,” but this is exactly what that is, I think.

Brig: Yeah.

Lindsay: The keeping it like being, okay, I am this person. Now, what does that look like? What does it feel like in my entire body?

Brig: Right, how would she celebrate it? What would she look like? And I think it’s feeling it or embodying it in your body. That’s what people saw in those pictures, like that was it. I was that version of me, of whoever I thought the 55 year old looks like. So I’m going to do the same thing at 60.

Lindsay: You know after this podcast comes out, you’re going to be getting these alerts from Instagram or wherever the photos are that are like “higher than usual activity.” Do you ever see those? Like higher than usual activity, keep it up. I get that every once a while, probably I’m a little sporadic.

Brig: No, I’ve never gotten those. Yeah, no, I’ve never gotten those.

Lindsay: Well, you might now.

Brig: Right, yeah.

Lindsay: This particular post is really trending today.

Brig: Right. I think the other thing though, was it wasn’t just me posting a picture. There was a story of what I was giving up or what that picture represented with each one.

Lindsay: Oh yeah.

Brig: So it wasn’t, yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay: It was was a whole journey.

Brig: Yeah, it was.

Lindsay: I think I cried that day. I mean, I think I really remember just like, wow. I felt it, I felt this growth, your growth, the person you’d become. And for me, I think, because I had coached you on so many things, and I think maybe at that point that I wasn’t your coach anymore, we were just friends and you were texting me as your friend. I’m pretty sure.

Brig: Right.

Lindsay: And I think for me it was so emotional because that was the person I knew you were. And that had nothing to do with you being naked, but just seeing that shift in energy and seeing your confidence and seeing you show up like, “Yeah, this is just me. It’s who I am and here we are.”

Brig: Yeah. And I think to bring it back around, that’s what celebration does, is it embeds it in your nervous system, in your body that this is who the fuck you are.

Lindsay: Yes. I love it. Okay, what else? What else do you want to talk about? Anything? Is there anything we missed?

Brig: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I’m trying to think if there’s anything we missed. I just like, yeah, celebrate always. Let me look at my notes, I don’t think I have anything else though. I did really good.

Lindsay: You’re like, I got it all in.

Brig: I think I got it all in.

Lindsay: It’s so funny because I was just like, We’re just going to show up, and we’re just going to celebrate.” And then you planned, which is perfect.

Brig: With is unusual for me. But that’s who I am now, like the newer version of me is like, and anybody who follows me or whatever, I have my own podcast and it’s all off the cuff. I just talk. And I’m like, no, but the million dollar version of me kind of plans a little bit.

So that was me like, well, what are the thoughts? Like what are the things? Because I had this thought that I don’t know how to speak in a way that people will understand. So I’m like, no, none of that is true. And so I’m going to celebrate this podcast.

Lindsay: Yes. What is your podcast called?

Brig: Breakthrough With Brig.

Lindsay: Yes. Everybody needs to go find it. And what do you talk about on your podcast?

Brig: I talk about all things, I tell people I talk about all things melanin and epic. Like Black women and epic, and all the things that get in the way of us reaching our epic-ness. And it’s the stuff that we don’t talk about in mixed company, or the internalized stuff that we don’t even know is still there and hidden.

And so that’s the thing, it’s not our skill level. If you’re the person who like, and you’ve coached me so much you probably can tell people who I coach more than me.

Lindsay: Not anymore, you’re killing it, keep going.

Brig: I know, I got it, right? You were the one who was like, “Brig, I just envisioned,” she literally, y’all she literally called me one day and said, “Brig, I just envisioned you with a room like a ballroom full of badass Black women.” And I was like, really?

Lindsay: Yes, and it’s happening.

Brig: It’s totally happening. It is totally happening.

Lindsay: Sometimes around your fire pit in your backyard.

Brig: Yes. Yes.

Lindsay: And other places that I probably don’t know about and it’s just going to grow from there.

Brig: It’s totally growing from there. I have a mastermind now. I’m like, yeah, it’s all things. So good.

Lindsay: I love it.

Brig: And it started with me celebrating the journey no matter where I was. Like that’s what gave me the gumption to keep going.

Lindsay: That’s so good. I remember coaching you so much on when you were still a nurse anesthetist, and do I leave my job? Do I not? And then I found out you had like three jobs or something like that.

Brig: Don’t forget, it took you a year to coach me to give up my part-time job, not my full-time job. I was like, y’all, it was my part-time job.

Lindsay: But I just remember one thing that we really worked on was just, and I think so many coaches will relate to this, especially newer coaches, especially coaches that are like, oh, but I want to be a coach full-time, I want to replace my income, is that celebrating all the little things that you were like, I’m getting closer, or this happened, or I can go down one shift, or I can let go of my third part time job or whatever. But part-time, like all nursing jobs just in different places.

And you really had a very good skill of being able to see this is so much progress instead of, I’m sure sometimes you thought this, but instead of just it’s taking too long, or I shouldn’t have to do this, or this shouldn’t be happening. Or just like being in the resistance of it all.

Brig: Yeah, I had to do that on purpose because like 100k, for a lot of people 100k was like, oh. And I remember you and I coaching on like 100k, I’m like, “I can’t do shit with 100k. I can’t quit my job, nothing.” I’m like, “100k means nothing to me.”

And I had to coach myself to where like, no 100k means everything to me. It means I’m closer. And if I neglect or don’t get excited about 1000, then I’m not going to get excited about 10,000. If I can’t get excited and own and be appreciative for 10,000, I won’t be for 100,000. And if I can’t for 100,000, I won’t for a million.

Lindsay: That’s so good. I hope everybody just pauses right now and writes that down if you feel like you’re in this place, because it’s so true. And it’s amazing that you just said that.

Brig: Yeah, so that’s when I made it to like measurable. Like whatever I could find my way to like, oh, you’re coaching. A lot of people would be like, “You coached seven clients in one day?” And I was like, “Yeah, isn’t it amazing? I get to coach.” Like I just protected my brain and celebrated everything that I was doing.

Lindsay: Well I am so grateful for you. I am so glad you said yes to doing this. You delivered, just like I knew you would, so much fun talking about all the celebrations. And I’m pretty certain that you’re probably going to be my only guest to the podcast party week that talks about naked photos.

Brig: I’m pretty sure of it. I’m pretty sure.

Lindsay: And Mom, if you’re listening, it’s fine, I’m not doing them anytime soon. But you never know. You never know.

Brig: I know, right? Never, ever know, yes.

Lindsay: Your mom probably doesn’t listen to your – Does your mom know about your naked photos?

Brig: You know what? I don’t know. I’m sure she did, yes, yes. I’m sure she does. Yeah, she’s come to my house so I’m sure she does.

Lindsay: Oh, she’s seen them.

Brig: Yeah, but here’s the deal in my family it was never, like sex and being naked and everything was just normal. Like we didn’t have that like we can’t talk about sex around the kids things. So yeah, so she wouldn’t be like, yeah.

Lindsay: I wonder what my mom’s reaction would be, I’ll have to ask her. She, I mean, definitely wouldn’t be a terrible reaction. But posting them, that might be the like, wait, what? Or I don’t know, maybe not.

Brig: It’s beautiful. Totally beautiful.

Lindsay: She would think that for sure, and then she might have thoughts about me putting them on social media. But it’s okay, I get to do what I want and break all the rules because I’m a Sagittarius.

Brig: You do. We get to break all the rules and then freak out all about it. Because I was like, oh my god, I forgot about my job. I was like all the rules after. I was like, oh my god, I forgot about this and I forgot about this. And then every last one of the things that I thought people were going to be like, whatever. Like even like my master coach instructor at the time, she was like, “These are amazing.” I was like, what?

Lindsay: Yes. It’s never the things that we think are going to be the hard parts to work through that are the hard parts to work through, usually.

Brig: Yeah. And I also think it’s the energy in which we do whatever that brings people along with it.

Lindsay: Totally.

Brig: It wasn’t in proving energy, it wasn’t in asking in energy. It was in this who the fuck I am energy.

Lindsay: Yeah, I’m showing up, I’m taking up space, look out.

Brig: Right? Yes.

Lindsay: So good. All right, well, I am so grateful for you. Thank you for doing this.

Brig: Thank you.

Lindsay: Just in case, tell people where they can find you.

Brig: Yes, I am brigjohnson.com, B-R-I-G-J-O-H-N-O-S-N. And Johnson Brig on Instagram and Brig Johnson Coaching on Facebook. And then what else?

Lindsay: Just like me, keeping it simple.

Brig: Right. And the Breakthrough With Brig Podcast on all your channels.

Lindsay: Well, Brig, I love you so much. Thank you for doing this. And hopefully I’ll see you in real life soon.

Brig: I know. I know. We should sing Happy Birthday to each other. Happy birthday to us.

Lindsay: Oh boy. Keep going.

Brig: Happy birthday to us.

Lindsay: This feels like my version of a naked photo shoot, singing on my podcast. Oh boy. You have to prep a girl for something like that. Maybe I would have had a glass of wine first or who knows?

Brig: I know, right? It’s all good. At least I didn’t make you do the other version, happy birthday too us. We can leave on that one.

Lindsay: Okay, perfect.

Brig: Bye.

Lindsay: I love you so much. Bye.

Brig: Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. see you next week.