Ep #61: Honing Self-Coaching and Mastering Self-Belief with 4 Incredible Coaches

Hey, this is Lindsay Dotzlaf and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills, episode 61.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Hey, friend. Today I have the very last coach panel from my Coaching Masters mastermind. And today we dig into some stuff that we haven’t talked about on some of the other other panels up until this point.

We talk a little bit about self-coaching and all things self-coaching and how that affects their coaching skills. We talk about why they decided to focus on their coaching skills and being the best coach for the six months of the mastermind, which just came to an end. So they are fresh off of the end of the mastermind.

And we also talk about their biggest takeaway, like the one thing they’re going to believe about themselves as a coach from this point forward. And the benefits and how powerful that has been for them. And the shifts that they’ve had in their coaching because of it. So pay close attention because in this episode there are so many takeaways. Things that you could take just today, right now, to make yourself a better coach.

So, no further ado, let’s dive into it. We’re going to talk to Xena, Lauren, Tina, and Dorothy. Here we go.

Lindsay: Hello, I am so happy to have you all here today. And I would love you to just introduce yourself. Tina, would you love to go first?

Tina: So of course I would like to go first. I’m Tina and I am a Catholic life coach for Catholic moms. And what I do is I help my clients step into who they want to be as a mom, and as a wife, and as a Catholic in life. And a lot of the time my clients struggle with really making decisions for themselves so I just help them step into the possibility that they can decide what they want within their family so that they can live a happier life.

Lindsay: Love it. Dorothy?

Dorothy: I’m Breakup Coach Dorothy, got plenty of nicknames as we learned last time. You call me Doro, Dee, Dorataya. We’ll just go with whichever you feel like calling me. I am a breakup coach, I help people get over their ex and build a life that is bigger and better than the one they had with their ex.

Lindsay: Lauren?

Lauren: Hi, I’m Lauren Fair and I coach people through divorce and rebuilding.

Lindsay:  And Xena?

Xena: Hello, I am Xena and I am the life coach for single women who like to defy traditional living. So basically, I help single women do whatever the fuck they want.

Lindsay: Love that. I don’t think I’ve heard you say it that way before.

Xena: Yes, I just discovered this new way of saying it recently. And I love it.

Lindsay: It’s so good because before– Okay, we’re just going to take a side note here for a second. Because before you said you were a confidence coach, right?

Xena: Yeah.

Lindsay: Which is great, but that’s like, so clear.

Xena: Yeah. And that is one of the things that this program has helped me do, is I got really clear on the similarities that all of my clients had. And I discovered that they are all single women doing a variety of different things like traveling the world solo, leaving their nine to five, pursuing their own business, finding someone to share their life with. Such a variety of things, but they’re basically just boldly and unapologetically doing whatever the fuck they want to do. So I love that.

Lindsay: I love it, too. Okay, so this week as we’re recording this, so when someone’s listening, it’s going to be maybe a couple weeks from now. But as we’re recording this, this week we had our last mastermind call and I know you all are in my mastermind, And one thing I asked you is what is the one thing, like what is your biggest takeaway? What’s the one thing you’re going to take with you from the mastermind?

And I asked it in a way, I made it clear, like not for me. Not so you can tell me what’s the best thing about the mastermind, but just for you, right? What’s the thing you’re going to remember? Why did you decide to do this work? And I’m curious if you all would like to share kind of what your answer was and why you think that’s so important in your coaching and in your business right now. And moving forward. Lauren?

Lauren: Yeah, so I think that the most impactful thing for me coming from the mastermind was just getting very clear on the results that my clients get. And the corresponding impact that that has on the belief in the value of my coaching.

Because I coach people through divorce, I felt like my niche was different from say, like a business coach or a weight loss coach where the results in those containers are more concrete. In my niche we can’t really measure the results by saying we’ve lost X amount of pounds, or we’ve made X amount of dollars.

And my clients oftentimes are typically going to get through divorce regardless of whether they have a coach. And so I think what you really challenged me to do in the mastermind was to get very clear on what are all the benefits of having a divorce coach in a way that was easily explainable to my clients.

And that really helped me increase the belief in the value of my coaching, which helps in so many different ways in my business. For example, it really helped me in doing my sales calls, and my consultations, and being able to really easily articulate what it is that the clients really are able to achieve by having a divorce coach versus going through the divorce on their own.

It really helped me get more clear in my marketing to my potential clients and how I can really speak to them about the benefits of having a divorce coach before they even get on a consultation call. Because really, one thing I think is interesting, and my background is as a family law attorney.

I’ve been practicing as a family law attorney in California for more than a decade. And I can say from that experience, that having a divorce coach is not really something that is normalized. It’s not something that I think oftentimes people who are facing divorce or going through it, think to even look for in terms of a service. They’re looking oftentimes for an attorney, or a therapist.

And I really saw a gap between the services that a therapist can provide, and the services that an attorney can provide. And I filled that with the divorce coaching. And so being able to convey those results that you can get through divorce coaching through the marketing and through the consults, it just really, it gets me excited about how it can really help people going through this really difficult transition in a way that is just not something that most people even think is available.

And then also, I would say that getting clear on the results has helped me have more clarity about what direction that I want to take the development of my coaching program, in terms of the framework, and how I can make it even better for clients going forward. And so you had us really look at what are the results that our clients get? And what are the ones that they’re going to get in every situation? Like what are we guaranteeing? And then what are also the results that our clients typically get if they follow the coaching?

And so I think for me, being able to make those results more clear and measurable, as opposed to when I came into the mastermind, they were really more intangible and vague to me, was just hugely impactful in every area of my business.

Lindsay: I love that. And I love clients like you that come into the mastermind with a, I don’t know how I would kind of classify this. But it’s like clients that have a very clear identity in a certain area. So for you, it’s like you were already a practicing lawyer, practicing family law. And now you’re combining coaching with your knowledge of that field.

And I think it’s such a powerful thing to be able to do to support your clients and be a coach who has the knowledge of what happens. Like what the process is over here without necessarily, obviously you’re not doing that with your clients while you’re coaching them, I don’t think.

But just to be able to have that knowledge and to say, and I’m here to support you and to really help you experience this in the way that you want to experience it. I just think it’s so, so powerful for your clients. I think about your niche all the time, actually.

Lauren: Oh, yeah, totally. Thank you. I mean, I think as a family law attorney, one of the things that I really enjoyed the most was seeing the transformation of the client from beginning to end. You know, from when they came to me in the beginning versus when the case was finishing and seeing just not only emotional changes, but even sometimes physical changes because that emotional impact on them was so great that it caused some physical manifestations.

And so I really got to a point in my career where I wanted to look at how can I put more of my effort toward that? Like toward that more personal transformation of the client through what’s really a difficult time. So yeah, thank you.

Lindsay: Yeah, that’s so great. Who’s next? Tina.

Tina: So when I started the mastermind my goal was to end believing that I was a great coach. And I didn’t realize that my work in the mastermind is really around belonging. And I realized that I really have this identity of I have to earn my identity. And I have to earn being a good coach. And I have to earn being a good Catholic and living my spiritual life in a way that others approve of, rather than diving in and having that acceptance and love for myself in it.

And so my biggest takeaway was understanding and fully believing that I am a great coach and I can choose to belong in any room, whether it’s in this room or another room or in a community. And when I do this, like moving forward in my business, what that does is it helps me focus on serving my clients, rather than taking.

Or rather than expecting something in return from them, like I need them to get results so I feel great. But actually showing up and being a coach for them and helping them get the results. Because if I’m doing that for them, then they can step into that for themselves.

Lindsay: Yes, that’s so good. That’s one of my favorite things, when kind of newer coaches come into this mastermind and have that transformation of like, “Oh, wait, I don’t need my clients to show up in a certain way so that I believe I’m a great coach. I could just believe it, and then go coach my clients.”

Tina: Yeah, and the idea that I can be the constant, that circumstances can go up and down, up and down and I can just decide to be who I want to be. And what really comes to mind is this humility. Like being able to hear criticism, or feedback, or praise, and then allow myself to unconditionally love the person in that conversation and myself without it affecting me or making it mean anything harsh or negative.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Tina: And really turning to compassion, rather than the shame of, “Oh, I always do this. I should be better.”

Lindsay: Yeah, and how fun is that for your clients? Because I know that that thing is what you coach a lot of your clients on.

Tina: Oh yeah, totally. It’s such a mind shift to go from I shouldn’t be feeling this way to it’s okay I feel this way. And so I’ve spent a lot of time with my clients on just that. And when they get to the other side, there’s so much that opens up. And it’s so fun to see.

Lindsay: I love that. All right, how about Xena?

Xena: So I have a two part answer, and it kind of comes off the back of what Tina was saying as well. But one of my biggest takeaways was from the feedback I received after you reviewed my coaching call. And it was really around the power of the pause in coaching my clients.

So I had a tendency to ask a question and then there would be some silence. And I’d be like, “I need to fill the silence, this is awkward.” So often I would kind of probe them or make suggestions. And instead just allowing the silence to be there and giving them the time and space to really think about the question and come up with their own answers has been so much more powerful and kind of impactful in the coaching.

So that is a huge takeaway for me and something that I’ve started implementing. And yeah, allowing the awkward silence to be there.

Lindsay: Yes.

Xena: And the other part of my answer is discovering that I’m already a really good coach. And that was one of the goals I had coming into the program, was I wanted to become a really good coach. And this month I think I’ve really embodied the belief that I am. I already am, I already was a really good coach.

And to me, it just feels like a circumstance now. It’s like a fact. And I’m no longer seeking validation. I was often in coaching calls kind of seeking validation. Now that I can reflect back and see that I was doing that, or yeah, like looking for ways that that could be true. Like kind of hungry for it. Whereas now I can just sit back with the confidence of knowing no, that’s already true so I don’t need to find evidence for that.

Lindsay: That’s a good one. And I love that you mentioned the awkward pause because I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I review so many coaching calls and I see so many of my clients be so quick to fill that pause. And what I notice is that because I’m watching from such a different lens and it’s so objective, and I can see what’s happening on both sides usually, the client is not usually feeling awkward in the pause.

They’re thinking, they’re like looking to the side. You can tell that they’re in their head trying to access something. And a coach’s awkwardness, like our thought like this is awkward or it feels awkward, and then jumping in and filling that sometimes, not that it’s terrible, we’ve all done it for sure. But it’s so great to give the client that space to say, “Let’s access your brain instead of me jumping in in filling it in with my words.”

And I love that you brought that up because I feel like everyone listening right now could just take that and implement today. And just use that as like one thing to make them a better coach.

Xena: Yeah, and I love what you said, it’s only awkward because I’m thinking it’s awkward. But I don’t think the client is ever thinking that. And often they’ll look down and they’re visibly thinking, right? Or they’ll look away and they’re visibly putting thought into it. And just allowing that space to be there, so powerful.

Lindsay: Yes. And then the second thing you said is also kind of similar, right? It’s like if you can just believe that you are already a great coach and you have that belief just ingrained in you, then when something happens with a client, even if a client says I don’t like this, or I’m not getting results, or whatever it is that a client may bring. Or I want a refund, or whatever it is, it doesn’t have to shake your belief that you’re a good coach.

You can be a good coach and clients might not like you sometimes. Or they might want to quit, or they might want a refund. That’s a thing that happens to all coaches and I think just staying in that belief no matter what, and of course working on it, like questioning, “Oh, I wonder why that happened.” Or being curious about it. But not making it mean I’m a terrible coach.

Xena: Yeah, and I’ve actually had this happen in the past week. I had a client who has come on board recently and actually said to me, “This coaching isn’t really working for me. This is not what I thought I was going to get.”

And I know before the mastermind I would have for sure made that mean I am terrible and awful and this isn’t working. But instead, I was able to really look at that from an objective point of view and be like, “No, this doesn’t mean anything about me and my coaching.” And yeah, really kind of evaluate that separate to me being a good coach.

Lindsay: Yes. So great, thank you for sharing that. All right, Dorothy, how about you? What was your thing you’re taking with you from the mastermind? I think we talked about it a little bit on the podcast that you did with me already. But let’s just go there.

Dorothy: I’ll be short, I’ll be short about it. So I’m the best breakup coach, have you guys heard? Yeah, so the biggest thing that I took away is that I am the best breakup coach, that there are many best breakup coaches. Lauren here is on the phone with me, she is the best divorce coach, how cool is that? We can all be the best.

And it really cleared everything up because when I got to believe I’m the best breakup coach, I got to then show up like the best breakup coach. And that shift happened pretty early on in the program, or in the mastermind. Which was so great because then the rest of the coaching masters I got to be able to really almost embody being the best. I got to take everything we were learning and amplify it within my own business and take what Lindsay was doing with us and do it with my clients. And it was just such a cool experience.

And to piggyback off of what Lauren was talking about in our niche, is that it’s not number of dollars made or number of pounds that we lost or something like that. And so I’d already started trying to quantify that with the desirability scale. But along with that I realized how complicated I was making it or how much I was trying to give. I was like over giving trying to give my clients everything I’ve ever used, every tool.

And so going through the process with that one simple question that you asked us around how will you know you’ve achieved the goal that you’re setting out to achieve, helped me immensely figure out what results, kind of like Lauren was saying, my clients actually want. And I had an idea of that, but that solidified it by just asking them that and getting clear about it. And I had had two–

It was so cool because our program here is six months, so therefore I had two rounds of the get over your ex program go through while I was going through coaching masters. And it was so beautiful to see how refined my process got and how simple it got. And it didn’t have to be difficult and it didn’t have to include daily work. It could if they wanted it to but it didn’t have to.

And I think that was really huge for me as a coach just because when I went in as a student learning coaching and all of this I was like, “Yes, hard work and daily thought downloads and all of the things.” And it seems kind of heavy to some people coming from the outside. Maybe that’s not exactly the way they work or maybe that’s not what they want to do. And so refining my process throughout that. And that all just led back up to the stem of being the best breakup coach, so huge for me.

Lindsay: What I love about that, I can’t remember if we talked about this when you were on before, but just that thought of not all of our clients want to be coaches. Now, for me, I work with coaches, so that is different. But if I think back to before I did, we don’t have to teach our clients every single thing we’ve ever learned. They may not be as obsessed with coaching as we are, they just want to feel better, right? Or they just want to get over their ex or whatever it is they want to do, that’s the result they want.

They don’t necessarily need every single tool that we’ve ever learned in the history of coaching. And every once in a while some of them do, and that’s great. But it doesn’t mean anything about you as a coach and it doesn’t mean anything about your client, that they don’t want to do the work every single day.

And I love that you bring that up because I think sometimes we forget, because as coaches, we just love it. So we like to think about it every day.

Dorothy: It reminds me of like the doctor, like you go to the doctor for a very specific outcome. I don’t want to know all the science behind it, I’m just like, tell me what I need to do. Tell me what I need to take or tell me how I need to treat this. I don’t really care about the science behind it, just tell me what I need to do to make sure that I don’t have dry eye anymore, or whatever it might be.

Lindsay: Yes. Such a good analogy, I love that. Thank you. Okay, let’s talk about, so this is one thing that I haven’t talked about. And this is the last last panel I’m doing, the last recording. And when I thought about what haven’t we talked about yet that is something we talked a little bit about in the mastermind, is self-coaching.

And I’m just curious kind of what your takeaways are from self-coaching, what you love about self-coaching, what you don’t love about self-coaching if you want. Really just anything you have to share about it because I think what’s interesting about, you guys know because you’ve been in it, what’s interesting about the mastermind is I attract coaches into the mastermind from all over the industry. And not all coaching schools, places that do certifications, teach self-coaching. They just teach like go into the world and coach your clients.

And so for anyone that’s listening that is like, I don’t even know what that means, or I don’t do it or whatever, wherever they fall on that spectrum, what are your thoughts about it? And why do you think it’s helpful with your coaching of your clients? Like how does it help you be a better coach? Xena.

Xena: Yeah, so one thing when it came to self-coaching that I discovered during the mastermind is that I was trying to kind of force myself to do daily self-coaching and sit down and do thought downloads. And I thought it had to look a very specific way. And if I wasn’t doing it that way, then I was doing it wrong. And I figured out that that wasn’t very useful and it wasn’t having much impact.

And instead, one of the shifts I have made is noticing when I’m either procrastinating or really avoiding and resisting something, or feeling like a really strong emotion. Then I make the time to really look at what’s going on in my brain. So I sit down, I do the thought download, maybe I need to feel some feelings, something like that.

And I think it was all about kind of tailoring it to what works for me. And another thing that I now do is I have like 15 to 20 minutes every morning before I start my workday and I sit down and I look at my goals. And I go over my goals and I really focus on embodying the beliefs that I want to have, the beliefs that I will have when I have achieved that goal.

And I have various different tools that I go through, one of which shout out to Dorothy, is something that she teaches around is it thought shifting I think? And that has been so powerful for me. So yeah, I’m loving doing that at the moment. And I think, yeah, it’s really about it doesn’t have to look and be a certain way. But instead using the tools like as and when I need them, I think has been a huge shift.

Lindsay: So great, Dorothy.

Dorothy: Yeah, I feel like I can piggyback off of that because it’s very similar in that the cool thing about self-coaching is the birth of new tools that will eventually be signature tools that you use with your clients.

So when you allow the space in the room to do self-coaching in a way that serves you, you’re not following a template made by somebody else. So therefore you’re able to birth your new ideas and tools and things that helped you. And then you’re doing it firsthand, which of course is the most important way you want to do this as a coach, is using your own tools before you go out and help your clients with them.

And when you allow yourself this space in the room and letting go of the should, and it needs to be this way, and it needs to look this way, that’s when you even just allow yourself the ability to look at what are all the ways that I could address this for myself? And you’re going to come up with a lot of not so great ideas. And then you’re going to come up with some really, really amazing, amazing ideas that go on to help so many people, including yourself.

Lindsay: So great. I love that. I’ve never actually thought about it like that. I mean, I guess I have, I just haven’t really put my brain to like, oh, the way you self-coach is a way that you can develop your own coaching tools, your own coaching techniques. I think that’s brilliant. Thank you, both of you, that was really good. Lauren.

Lauren: Yeah, self-coaching for me has just been absolutely critical to my ability to serve my clients at the highest level and to be able to move my business forward in the way that I’ve been wanting to do.

And I think one of the things from the mastermind that was really helpful to me with self-coaching was really not underestimating the importance of awareness. And just staying in awareness and observing the independent power of awareness in and of itself, without trying to force a positive thought on yourself when it isn’t helpful.

And doing that and also coupling it with the practice of creating disconfirming experiences for me around unhelpful thoughts or beliefs with evidence, and also without urgency behind it has just been really a game changer for my self-coaching practice. I think I’ve always identified just as an overall even keeled person. From the outside that’s the experience that others have of me. But inside I’ve had periods of anxiety and depression, that have made doing things at times challenging.

For example, working in my business, whether it be as a lawyer or as a coach, the client may not experience that. But I’m white knuckling through sometimes periods that have been challenging. And for example, I think that became much more of a pronounced issue around the time of my own divorce.

And I started having what I would call spin outs, which would just be like a period of anxiety or depression that was sort of sucking the life out of me. And sometimes that might look like struggling to kind of get through the day at times. And as the circumstances improved, I found that that pattern that my brain got into with this mess continued anyway.

And when you’re in that state, I think trying to do thought work by moving right to an intentional model is really just not helpful or effective. Your brain just isn’t open to it at that point. And through self-coaching and just being able to, I think, isolate the thought and the feeling that were the root of the emotional state that I was finding myself in at that particular time and seeing it for what it was, with some compassion for myself and without trying to change it immediately was hugely impactful.

And I think at times, prior to the mastermind, I was trying to put too much pressure on myself of like, okay, I found the, “problematic thought.” And so now I need to find the other thought that’s going to get me out of this. And really just spending time looking at how useful just the awareness piece could be, was really helpful in my own self-coaching and I think also translates to helping my clients who are going through difficult times that are not ready to, you know, they’re not ready to move on to a happy thought about their situation.

And I think disconfirming experiences with evidence, our brains being human in nature, love evidence. And then when you add a law school education on top of that, I love evidence even more.

And by allowing my brain to go into critical thinking mode by just noticing where there may be other opportunities to look at a situation differently based on actual facts, but just being open, that coupled with the awareness piece has just really allowed me to move more organically toward an emotional state that is, obviously, I mean it’s still a normal range of emotions, right?

Even the best coaches are humans, we have normal emotions. We’re going to have bad days, we’re going to have good days. But I find that having honed that self-coaching skill makes those sort of spin outs less severe and shorter in duration. And that absolutely translates into just the ability to be more present and deliver a better client experience for my coaching clients.

Lindsay: I love what you pointed out, which sometimes feel so ironic, right? Where it’s like the harder we tried to get out of our current state, the harder it is. The more we want out the more desperate we are to be in a hurry or to get out of it quickly, really can sometimes create an experience that just really keeps us right there and has us feeling kind of spinning in it and feeling even worse.

And I know I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, but one of my favorite things that you just said is really leaning into that awareness. And I think truly when we can spend time just with ourselves and with our brains, and just learning how we react to things, like really just examining, where am I now, and creating that awareness for ourselves, the easier it is to kind of just let it melt away, instead of having to chase that new thing. The new thought, the new shiny object thing over here, like we have to get there fast.

And for me, when I do self-coaching, I rarely go to that place except when I’m not deep in the emotion over here and I’m just exploring it. And it’s like, well, what would it look like if I believed this thing? What would that be like? What would it change? And it’s more of an exploration, instead of a like, hurry, let’s run and just get to that new place.

So I really love that you said that. Thank you, Tina, how about you?

Tina: So mine is very similar to Lauren’s where the awareness piece was so impactful for me because I would resist self-coaching because all the things would come up. And so what Coaching Masters taught me was instead of shifting into shame, but like, “Oh, that’s interesting, and how can I get curious about this?”

And so every time that I went into I don’t want to self-coach, or I can’t do it, I don’t have time, all the excuses that come up, I would ask myself, “What am I protecting myself from? What am I avoiding.” And so a way that I kind of tricked my brain, and a way that I will teach my clients sometimes, is to kind of play around with self-coaching and it doesn’t have to be self-coaching, like it can be a prayer in our spiritual life.

And so for me, if I’m feeling really resistant and knowing that self-coaching is going to be helpful and impactful, but staying in the awareness is you can write down everything that’s happening. And then compare it to what Christ would do.

And so as Catholics, our goal is to become a disciple, which just means looking like Christ. And so I like to play around with it like, okay, what would he do? What would I do? How would he think? What do I think? And then seeing the gap, and then stepping into the possibility of like, oh, what’s the next step in that gap? Instead of it being, again, the shame and like I’m not there, I’m not there.

And for coaching, we can look at all the coaches out in front of us, like, “Oh, they’re so far ahead.” But really, seeing the gap is an opportunity like, “Oh, where am I now in accepting that? What’s the next step? And just staying curious has been probably the most helpful thing in the self-coaching. It just brought up a lot of things that I didn’t realize were there.

Lindsay: That is so fun, I love that you shared just your exact process because that is such a good example of how I kind of teach you guys to take what I teach and figure out how to make it your own. That’s the perfect example because I definitely never told you to do that.

And it’s so creative and such a good way, it’s really such a good self-awareness of like self-coaching feels uncomfortable. Here’s why. How can I change this to make it not such a bad experience for myself? And it sounds like you nailed it. And how fun is that too, because of your specific niche to then use that for your clients?

Tina: It’s been fun. And I’ve kind of stepped into, like Dorothy, like seeing her like the best breakup coach and her processes and I’m like, “Oh, I actually have things.” And so now it’s about not rushing anything and just being where I am now and knowing that in time, it’s going to be there. I know it’s there and trusting that process.

Lindsay: Yeah, I believe fully you’re the best Catholic mom coach. You’re definitely the only one I know, but I also think you’re the best. I’m sure
that there are others.

Tina: Thank you.

Lindsay: And I think, just coming back to that concept of being the best, I think always we are the best coach for our clients. We are what our clients need when they need us. And, of course, there are always going to be clients that don’t like us, or probably not clients but people in the world who want a coach who are like, “You are definitely not my coach.” And that’s fine because we’re not the best coach for them.

So that’s kind of where my brain goes when I think about being the best. It’s like what does that even mean? There’s no measurement of am I the best coach in the world? Am I the best breakup coach? But is Dorothy the best breakup coach for her clients? Guaranteed. And I think that is true for everybody. At least all of you. I give you my stamp of approval.

All right. Let’s see, let’s do one last question which okay, when you think about making the decision to spend the six months working on your coaching skills, how did you make that decision? What was the reason? What went into the decision process? And anything else that you just want to say about that? Like what made you decide to do that, Lauren?

Lauren: Yeah, I mean, the way I looked at it is like why wouldn’t I spend six months trying to improve my coaching skills?

Lindsay: That’s my favorite answer. You get an A plus.

Lauren: Yes, I love A pluses. Okay. So, for me when I finished certification, I’m certified through the Life Coach School. And I was like, “Okay, this is an amazing foundation. I’m so excited to start my coaching business.” And the last time I started a professional career was when I started practicing law. And at that time I started out by working for another law firm.

I was an associate attorney working for other attorneys who were more experienced than I was, who I respected, and who mentored me. And that was important experience for me because I felt like it allowed my clients to get the best service possible. Because I had a great foundation, I had great skills, I had enthusiasm. But I wanted to couple that with having a mentor who was further along down the line than I was at the time because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing things for my clients.

And so when I was venturing into starting my coaching business, the same thought process occurred to me. Which was, I have a great foundation, I’m excited, I am ready to move forward with this. But also, how can I tap additional resources with a coach who is further along down the road than I am and have a place where I can bring client issues that I might otherwise be stuck on to so that I can serve my clients the best that I possibly can?

Because that’s always what I’m trying to do is to make sure that my clients get the best help that they can get. And so that was what brought me to you and to Coaching Masters, was that desire for a mentor whom I respected to help me as I grew my coaching business.

And there are a lot of business focused masterminds out there that I think are amazing, and I look forward to being a part of. But for me, it was more important for me to first focus on deepening my coaching skills. Because in my view if you hone your coaching skills and you serve your clients at the best possible level that you can provide, the money is going to follow in a more sustainable way.

Because my experience has been in a law practice that if you really focus on the client service and delivering the best possible experience for them, they’re going to refer other clients. And oftentimes referrals are the best source of clients. They show up already qualified in the sense that they’re ready to work with you before, oftentimes, you even get on the call with them.

And so, to me, it was more important to first focus on being the best coach I could be, as opposed to working on what the actual numbers were in my business, because I think that will flow from being the best coach it can be.

Lindsay: Love it. Who wouldn’t want to? Such a good answer. Just all the gold stars, throwing them at you. Who’s next? Tina.

Tina: So for me, I really stepped into my clients journey and how I thought of them saying yes to themselves in coaching. And in that I thought about how can I guarantee these results to them so they can make a decision in a calm, confident way and feel uncomfortable?

And so I made a very calm, confident decision that also made me very uncomfortable knowing that by me stepping into this, not only am I going to hone the skills of being a great coach. But by doing that, I’m helping them get the results because it’s all about serving them.

If they come to me and pay me and I’m not helping them get what they want, then the money doesn’t really mean anything. I can use it as a means to say like, “Okay, I’m a good coach because I have money.” But it’s more than that, it’s about what is this doing? What is the transformation? And so I decided to spend the six months really for the service of the client.

Lindsay: I love that I don’t think I have– I mean, I’ve definitely thought of that before, but the way you described it of like I really thought about my client’s journey and them signing up for coaching, that’s such a good, good example that you just used and it’s so true. It’s like, yeah, of course our clients probably do feel scared when they hire us and it’s okay if we feel a little scared when we hire a coach too.

So great. Who’s next? Xena.

Xena: So for me I had been thinking for a little while, I’d been following you for a while. And I’d been thinking about really focusing on my coaching skills. And I wanted to become a better coach for my clients and also for myself. So I think it was kind of a no brainer. I really wanted to help my clients to get their results in a more simple, clean, and clear way.

And I also wanted to learn how to be able to self-coach myself on a deeper level. And I think that I was able to achieve all of that. But I also knew because I was looking at, do I want to invest in Coaching Masters? Do I want to look at business masterminds? I was kind of exploring various options. And I knew that in doing this, a side effect, a natural side effect was going to be that my business would grow. And it has, so I’m so grateful to you for everything that you taught us.

Another thing I wanted to mention as well is having been in a mastermind previous to this, I really wanted to be in a room again with coaches, with other people doing the same thing, similar things, and just connecting with different people in a similar mindset. I think that, yeah, that has been huge for me, being amongst likeminded peers with similar goals in mind. That’s really helped me and I’ve learned so much from everyone in the room.

And one of the things I shared yesterday on our last call was that it has really helped me cement the belief that there is no one right way to coach. That is something I have worked on for quite a while. There’s lots of incredible ways. So, yeah.

Lindsay: I love that. And you get like the most dedicated client award, because you showed up at– I mean, if we’re only using this one criteria I’m sure I could just give it to everyone here because you’re all amazing. But you showed up to calls at what, like 3am or something, 4am?

Xena: Yeah, so when we first started the mastermind, it was 4am my time, so I was getting up at 3:30. And then it went to 5am. And then it went to 6am, thank you daylight savings.

Lindsay: I just remember you signing up and me thinking, “Are you sure?” Like for you, I just thought I don’t know if I would do it. And what’s so interesting is now in the next round that starts in January, I think I have maybe two people from Australia. It’s so fascinating to me. I’m like, you guys getting up at 3, 4am, that’s impressive.

Xena: Yeah. And I think it also taught me a lesson in commitment. Like when you really want something, you will do whatever it takes. It really helped teach me a lot about commitment, which is something I have been focusing on a lot lately. So it was so good for that.

Lindsay: Well, I was very impressed because I did question myself like what I do that? I was just so curious about it, and I might stay up late. But I would have a really hard time getting up that early, I think.

And I was questioning it and I thought, like my thought just being a human was I think I’d be really motivated at first and it would get harder as the time went. But you just kept showing up. Although I didn’t realize I forgot that the time got later, but still, that’s early in the morning.

Xena: Yeah, it did get a bit challenging when it was really cold in winter. And I don’t know if you guys noticed, I would have like rugs over me, I’d have my bright yellow blanket all wrapped up and tucked up, and I’d have the hot water bottle, the whole thing. But it was just so worth it.

What was really powerful is sometimes I would go back to bed afterwards and I would just be thinking about and like literally marinating in everything we had just talked about. And it was like the best way to fall back to sleep for a couple of hours. It was just so good.

Lindsay: That is amazing. And I did not even connect the dots until literally this moment that you said that because we started in summer for us, but it was winter for you because it’s opposite.

Of course I know that, but I just hadn’t even thought of it. Which is why you’re sitting here in this amazing orange just flowy top, looking like summer. And we’re all wearing black sweaters. Except Tina, she also has on a tank top. But that’s just funny, yeah, I hadn’t even considered that. All the commitment. I love it.

All right, Dorothy, how about you? I know we kind of talked about this. Is there anything you want to add, anything you feel like you haven’t said?

Dorothy: I actually do, I think I was backwards from everyone else. Like I got certified and I was so confident. I was like I know the model, no one else has the model. I am amazing. I know all this stuff. The world needs to know that heartbreak has been, everyone’s doing it wrong. No contact rule, that’s bullshit. Waiting for time, absolutely not. And I was just to this point where it was like get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out. Everyone needs to know.

And so I got to this point where, and I was in business masterminds, like people would look out at me and I was doing pretty well. And I was successful, meaning I had multiple clients, I had a full practice, I was making good money. But my confidence started falling the more successful I got, the more interactions I had. And I’d have these one off interactions, like the majority of my clients would be successful.

And then Stacey Boehman and the 200K mastermind, we’d be talking about 100% results. And I’m like, “Yeah, but I have two people in a group of 20 who I’m like, where are you guys? And does that mean I get to say 100% results? I can’t control what they’re doing.”

And so I started pondering all of that. And when I started pondering all of that, I then noticed comparison starting to happen. That’s where the best breakup coach stuff started coming in. And I guess I’d call them, if I had to like term it looking back now, it was the best breakup coach barriers that kind of put off little lights going off in my head of this needs to be addressed.

And then it was when, Lindsay, you came in to 200K mastermind as like a guest coach or something, you were my little ringleader in my group. And I felt so seen by you and so heard by you. I was like, “I’m in love with Lindsay, I need to do whatever program she’s doing. And this will help me address the best breakup coach, because I’ll make sure I have the best coaching skills.”

And then there was a bunch of other things that happened within the program that were byproducts that I didn’t even know I needed, which was so cool, right? Like my process is so much better. The goals and refining the results with my clients is so much better. There were so many things that I didn’t even know I needed that are going to help me be way more scalable in the future.

And then, of course, like everyone has mentioned, by working on your coaching skills your revenue will absolutely increase as well.

Lindsay: That is really good to hear you say. I think it is important to point out that coaches can come into this mastermind really at any level. I have coaches kind of all over the board from new– And you all know I say this, when you come in if you’re new I say I recommend you have at least a few clients, you can practice what we’re doing as we go.

But maybe you’re making a lot of money. And maybe you’re making changes, I find that comes up a lot for people is if they go from one on one to group coaching, or to a program. Or something that’s just like this is different, and it just kind of rocked my world as far as like my thoughts about myself as a coach. And no place is the wrong place. And I think that that’s so good to see.

And I do remember you coming one time with just like, “I got this one bad podcast review.” And I was like, “Well, how many reviews do you have?” And it was like one versus– And you took the one and just made it mean all the things.

Dorothy: All the things. And I’ve now come to a new conclusion. Can I tell you about my new conclusion? Because it feels so cool.

Lindsay: Please, yes.

Dorothy: So this happens from time to time where my client’s ex boyfriends will reach out to me upset with how good their exes, my clients, are doing. And it happened twice like a week ago or so. And someone was trying to like threaten to sue me and all this stuff.

And I was like, “Oh my gosh, you know what? My bad reviews on the podcast are just upset ex boyfriends. This is so brilliant and so amazing, they’re just trying to get me down because of this amazing work that I’m doing in the world.” So cool.

Lindsay: I can’t even handle it, someone’s like I am going to sue you because my ex is too happy.

Dorothy: Yeah, they were in emotional distress about it.

Lindsay: That is something. They should probably hire you instead. I feel like that would be a way better use of their money.

Dorothy: Right?

Lauren: That is amazing evidence.

Lindsay: Lauren has this happened to you?

Lauren: Yeah, yeah. No, it totally does it. And it’s amazing evidence, Dorothy, that you are the best breakup coach.

Lindsay: I feel like this could be a whole other episode. Just go down this road of like, wait, tell me, I have never even considered this happening. Like exes coming back and being upset with you because you’re such a good coach.

Dorothy: I know. It’s so crazy and amazing. I love it.

Lindsay: My goodness. Okay, so thank you so much, all of you. This has been so fun. I have loved doing this panel series. I’ve had so much fun asking all my clients all of the questions. So last thing, I just want to go around quickly and tell everyone if they are listening and they’re like, “I am really digging Tina.” Where can they find you? Where do you hang out? Either website or your favorite social media, wherever they can go to find what you’re up to?

Tina: They can find me at Mama’s ark on Instagram. So it’s Mamas_ark. And then I also have the Mama’s Ark podcast for Catholic moms that they can go and listen to and it’s on all podcast platforms.

Lindsay: Love that. Is that new? Did I know that?

Tina: I don’t know. So I started a year ago but then this summer there’s been so many things that have happened, where I’ve taken a break from it. And what Coaching Masters has taught me is it’s not a problem. Nothing has gone wrong. And I’m actually in the process of starting again.

Lindsay: Love that. All right, who’s next? Xena.

Xena: So you will find me on the Confidence Made Easy podcast and I love to hang out on Instagram, I think it’s so fun. So it’s Xena.Jones.coach and Xena is X-E-N-A. And my website is xenajones.com.

Lindsay: Love it. And I will hook up all these in the show notes. So if anyone’s listening and you don’t have time to write it down, it will all be in the show notes. Lauren, how about you?

Lauren: Yeah, you can connect with me through my website at laurenfaircoaching.com and I am also on Facebook and Instagram at Lauren Fair coaching.

Lindsay: Love it. Dorothy.

Dorothy: Absolutely come hang out with me on Instagram, got to love the Insta, you guys, at Breakup Coach Dorothy. And then I have a podcast called How to Get Over Your Ex, super fun stuff. Love it.

Also, thank you so much for inviting me to the panel too, because I love just being with the other group members. I feel like I’ve done so many great– That’s a whole other side, you could do a whole podcast episode on that too.

Lindsay: All right. Well thank you everyone so much.

Thank you so much for joining us today. I hope that you really enjoyed this episode and got some great takeaways. And again, if you would love to find any of their information, you can go to the show notes on my website. Click on the podcast link to this episode and you can see all of their information. I’ll see you next week. Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. see you next week.