Ep #80: Permission to Be Yourself with Annabelle Sorensen

Hi, this is Lindsay Dotzlaf, and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills, episode 80.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Hey, Coach, it’s Lindsay. And before we dive into today’s episode, I wanted to just let you in on an upcoming launch for Coaching Masters Mastermind. It’s a six month mastermind for coaches who are working with clients who are ready to master their coaching skills on a deeper level. Who are ready to create or recreate a process or a new process for your coaching and kind of dive into what are your values as a human? What are your values as a coach? How does that play into the way you coach your clients?

And those are just a few teasers, there’s a lot more and the launch is coming the week of May 23rd. So if you’re interested, make sure to get on the wait list, we will have the link for that hooked up in the show notes. And if you think that’s for you, or you think it just might be for you, go ahead and join the wait list. The applications will actually open to the wait list before opening to the public, to anyone else. So if this is for you, make sure to get your name there, and I’m not going to take up any more of your time. Have fun listening to today’s episode.

Episode 80, what? So fun. So today I have a special guest for you. I am interviewing one of my amazing friends and past clients. Her name is Annabelle Sorensen. I will let her introduce herself and tell you all the fun things about her.

We have so much fun in this interview, we talk about what it’s like to be young and to have thoughts about yourself being young as a life coach. And we really just explore that for, really, any thoughts that you might have about yourself about what might not make you the best coach. And we just kind of dive into that. And we have a lot of fun talking about it. And of course, a few other things. So here we go.

Lindsay: Hello, hello, I am so happy you’re here today. The first thing I want you to do is just introduce yourself and tell everybody who you are and what you do.

Annabelle: Perfect. Well, first, I’m so honored to be here with you today. This is so fun for me and truly a dream come true, so that’s fun. I’m Annabel Sorensen. I am a life coach for young adults, I help them have less problems and make a big impact. And overall really just help them have more fulfillment and satisfaction. And it is just so much fun. So I work mostly with people between the ages of like 20 and 30 and it’s great.

Lindsay: I love it. I’ve told you this, I know before, but I just wish I had had a life coach at that age. I mean, I wouldn’t do anything differently, of course, where I am now. But that’s a really amazing age, I think, of like people for you to work with. So I just love that so much. And you know that, we’ve talked about it before.

Annabelle: True, and it’s really fun, especially because we might talk about this more, but I’m young. And I’m 24 so it’s really fun to talk with people who have like, I just know their brain so well. And so it’s really fun to work with people in that same age group and give them these tools to last their whole life.

Lindsay: I love it. Let’s just dive in right there because this is something that you and I have coached on. So you were in my mastermind a few rounds ago. We were going to record a podcast then, you had some life things come up and we had to reschedule, which is no problem. And this is one of the things that I have, one, always loved and just really admired about you. And one of the things that you and I have kind of coached on a few times, which is your age.

And I think it’s so fun, one of the main reasons I wanted to have you on is just to talk about it and to kind of put it out there for anyone else who’s listening who’s younger and thinking like, is it like allowed? Can I be a life coach when I’m in my 20s?

So first, how old are you?

Annabelle: So right now I’m 24. I was certified when I was 21, I went to the Life Coach School.

Lindsay: Yes. What made you decide at 21 that you wanted to be a life coach?

Annabelle: Well, I really just wanted to help people, like so bad. And I wanted to help them in a way I knew it would change their life forever and in a way where I had been helped similarly. So I think therapy and work like that is so important but that wasn’t somewhere where I had experience nor thought that was a productive way for me to help people. I have so much admiration for people who do do that work.

But when I found life coaching and started listening to The Life Coach School Podcast, these like little tips and tricks, like emotional responsibility and your thoughts create your feelings, I was like, “Whoa, I don’t even need help, but this is helping me.” You know?

Lindsay: Yeah.

Annabelle: So when I started to learn those things, I was like, “Well, somebody has to teach my friends. And it’s got to be me, I guess.” So it just felt very much like a calling for me. As these things were changing my life, and my relationships, and my day to day habits, and my connection with people, I was like there’s nothing more that I want to do than help give this to every young adult. Anyone who will listen.

Lindsay: I love it so much. And I think, you know, one thing I have heard younger coaches say sometimes is something along the lines of like, how can I be a coach when I haven’t even like lived that much life, right? And my thought is, right, but that may or may not be true, but also your clients are in the same stage as you.

Like what an amazing, in my opinion, like if I was hiring a coach at that age, I think it would be so incredible to have someone who I’m like, “Oh my gosh, like they’re just like me,” right? It’s not like my mom giving me advice, or like a school counselor who always, in my experience, was always older than me at that age.

And there’s something about it that just feels so like, of course, that’s what you would do. What are your thoughts about that? And did you have to like work through those thoughts for yourself?

Annabelle: Well, my thoughts about it are that, first of all, when you learn that your thoughts create your results, you know that you can help anybody with any problem because you’re not giving advice, right? So if you’re like, “Oh, I want to be a life coach, but I’m too young.” It doesn’t matter if you have any experience or not with life because I don’t give advice to anybody.

Lindsay: So good.

Annabelle: I don’t tell them what to do. I don’t tell them my own experiences. Sometimes I’ll use things that I’ve seen happen in my own brain to be like, “Oh yeah, this happens for me too, and it happens to all my clients, so you’re not alone.” But never am I like, “Oh, well, this one experience taught me this, so now I can teach you that.”

I’ve never once had the thought like I don’t have enough experience, because I know it’s all just in my brain. And I know I can help anybody else with their brain. So if you’ve had the thought to be a life coach and you’re young, definitely do it. It doesn’t matter if you have experience or not.

The other thing I love is I recently actually shared this on my Instagram, was that lots of times in our society we say wisdom comes with age and experience. But all experience does is it forces you to think different. So if you can think different when you’re younger, then you get wisdom when you’re younger.

Lindsay: Yeah, that’s so good.

Annabelle: And I love that because all that wisdom does is to prepare you so that you know what to think when the experiences come. But you don’t need to have a terrible experience to learn how to be nice to yourself anyways. Or you don’t need to have a terrible experience to learn that it’s okay to fail, or it’s okay to change your thoughts about something, right?

You don’t have to go through all of these things in order to have these different perspectives. And I think that’s something really interesting that stood out to me recently, is I’m like, yes, experience just adds to the changing. But ultimately, you can change your thoughts at any age.

Lindsay: So good. I love that.

Annabelle: To answer the question if I’ve struggled with my age, Lindsay knows this well, is I didn’t really particularly struggle with my, like the number of my age. But I always have this thought that like people were like, “Oh, she’s so cute.”

Lindsay: Yes, I was going to ask about this next. I love it.

Annabelle: Yeah, like she’s so cute or like that’s sweet of her to try that. And ultimately, what it came down to was Lindsay one week was like, “Well, you are cute.”

Lindsay: Okay, hold on. Let me tell the beginning of the story, which is we were in my mastermind, and you asked for coaching, and you said something like, well, someone, I don’t even remember who it was or if it was a, I don’t even remember if it was a specific person. But you said something like, “They just think I’m so cute.” And I was like, “Annabelle, I hate to tell you, you are so cute.”

And I can have so much compassion for that because people used to say that to me, when I was your age I looked so young. If I would tell people I was 25, they were like, “Oh my gosh, I thought you were like 16.” I just had a very young face, unfortunately, maybe not so much anymore, but that’s fine. So I understood, right?

And I was like, “But you are literally so cute.” And anybody that’s listening, find her on Instagram, tell her how cute she is, because she is. But then I said, “The problem isn’t that you’re cute, right? It’s like, what are you making that mean?” You were making it mean a lot of things.

Annabelle: I was making it mean so many things. That I was too young, it was like nobody is going to listen to me. Like I literally was imagining myself as this like four year old. I was like, “Oh, they’re so cute. Like, I don’t listen to a four year old.” And so I was making it mean all those things about myself. As in really just that nobody wanted to listen, which just isn’t true. And now I know for sure it’s not true.

Lindsay: Yes. What do you make it mean now? So if someone were to tell you, “Oh my gosh, you’re so cute.”

Annabelle: Oh, well now I’m like, “Yes, I am.”

Lindsay: That’s so good.

Annabelle: I just stole that right from you. But I think also I make it mean that I’m gentle, and I’m understanding, and I’m sympathetic, and I’m kind and compassionate. And now when I hear cute I’m like, that means they trust me. That means they want to be around me. I’m endearing, right?

Like now I think of the little four year olds and I’m like, everybody loves four year olds. They’re so cute. Everything that they say, everything that they do, everyone’s watching them like it’s like a show. And also people learn from kids all of the time. And so I’m not saying I really make it mean that I’m a kid, but just that idea of sweetness and kindness, that is really what I make it mean now.

Lindsay: Yeah, I love that. And I do want to be clear, we are not talking about someone actually condescending you, because that could be a way for someone to be like, “Oh, you’re so cute,” right? That is not what we’re talking about here. That is not what happened in this situation.

And it was so fun to just really explore your thoughts when you brought that to me in the mastermind of like, well, what are you making that mean about yourself, right? And my guess is, some of your clients probably come to you with similar things.

Annabelle: Yeah, totally, they definitely do. Whether it’s cute or whether it’s just some sort of label, this is what I was also thinking of, of some sort of label that you’ve put on yourself that you make mean so many things.

And I think of all the different types of people in the world and I’m like hipster, or quirky, or outgoing, or whatever the label is that you’ve put on yourself, or shy. Like what are you making that mean about you? And how could that actually be your greatest tool? And how could that mean all the best things about you?

I heard someone talking, it was Maggie Reyes actually, talking about her husband and how he talks about like on the computer we think things are bugs. And like how each of us are our own computer and bugs are actually features. And I love that because I’m like, what do I think are my bugs? Like how are those my features? What do those add to me and my business and my life, and how can I help my clients have those features as well?

Lindsay: Yeah.

Annabelle: In their own way, of course.

Lindsay: This is one thing that, I can’t remember because you were in my mastermind a couple rounds ago, and it has evolved a little bit since then. And so I can’t remember if we did this, but one thing that I teach now is we kind of talk about like if your best friend, or your sister, or your mom, or someone that you’re really close to were to describe you, how would they describe you? Like what is your personality?

Like you just naturally being you, what is that? And how are these things useful in your coaching, right? Like how do they make you you and the kind of coach that your people want to work with, right?

Annabelle: Yes, so good.

Lindsay: And I think that that’s why I really wanted to talk about this today. Because for anyone listening, it’s like it doesn’t matter if you’re young, I mean, I also have the opposite, right? I have clients who are like, “Oh, but I’m like way too old to be a coach.” I’m like, what? What does that even mean? Like, no, your clients love this about you.

Annabelle: It’s so funny, with some coaches now I literally ask that question, I’m like, “What does that even mean? What do you actually thinking?”

Lindsay: Yeah, and the real question, right, is like what are you making that mean? Like why are you believing this? Why are you thinking this about yourself, right? Or I have people who are like, “I’m just so quirky, or like weird.” Yes, embrace it, your people love this about you.

Annabelle: And there’s so many people who are having the same thought. Like you were saying, like with me with my clients, so many people are like, “Oh, I’m too quirky to have friends.” And it’s like, what? People want to be your friend because you’re quirky, you know? And so using those labels to bring people together as opposed to taking them apart.

Lindsay: Yes, so good. And I think that at least, I don’t know that this is true. I clearly have never done like a study on this, but it seems to me that people will either be attracted to something like that in you because they are similar, so it gives them permission to also embrace that about themselves and be themselves. Or because they’re the opposite and they’re like, “I want a little of this in my life.” Like I want to figure out like how can I be more eccentric, be more weird, be more youthful, like whatever it is.

Annabelle: Yeah, it kind of opens up that window to helping people be themselves. Truly that’s what it is, right? So if you see someone else that’s doing something that you like, or even just having thoughts about themselves that you like, you can sense that energy, right? And you’re like, oh, they just picked up a new talent. What talent do I want to pick up? Or like what hobby do I want to pick up, you know? So I think you’re definitely right, in that aspect.

Lindsay: I love it. And, you know, one thing I know that you and I, I think that this is true, maybe not. I’m going to say it and you can tell me if it’s true.

Annabelle: We’ll find out.

Lindsay: You have like a lot of siblings and you’re young compared to them.

Annabelle: Yes.

Lindsay: Like you’re the youngest or the second youngest or something like that.

Annabelle: I’m the second youngest, so I’m number seven of eight kids.

Lindsay: Yeah, so of course it makes sense that your thought is like, “Oh, people just think I’m cute,” right? Like I’m sure your siblings are like, “But you’re literally cute.”

Annabelle: Yes because I am, I’m the cutest one in the family. I’m just kidding.

Lindsay: So good. Make sure they listen to this and we’ll just out you now, that you’re the cutest one in the family, it’s fine.

Annabelle: Perfect.

Lindsay: I just love so much, I just want to hear you say it over and over because just the thought of you like embracing that when I know kind of like what a painful thought it was when you first brought it to me. It just makes me so happy to hear you talk about it.

Annabelle: It was so painful. Yeah. And like you said, I don’t even think I, I didn’t remember that part where how much I made it mean about myself. But now that we’re talking about it I’m like, I made it mean so many things.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Annabelle: So many things.

Lindsay: It’s so fun though that you don’t even really remember it because you’re just now on the other side of it. Like, yeah, of course I’m cute.

Annabelle: Yeah, true. True, but we coached on it like at least four times.

Lindsay: We did, yep. It always just came, like snuck in, right? And it was like, oh, this thing again? What’s happening? But sometimes that’s just how it goes. You have to keep working on something until one day you have that moment of like, oh my gosh, wait, this is a thought, right?

Annabelle: Yes.

Lindsay: Like it’s not just like the truth of the universe that because I’m young and because I am cute that I don’t know what I’m doing or whatever your exact thoughts were, I can’t remember. But it’s so good. I’m so proud of you.

Okay, let’s move on to, one thing, so I asked you if you could think of a few things that you learned in the mastermind that you would love to talk about or just about coaching in general. And one thing you said, which is something I talk about all of the time, so I think it’s perfect to bring it up here, is just the idea that there really is no right way.

And so many of my clients, because they’re very much like me, come to me wanting to find the exact right way. But, Lindsay, I know you’re going to tell me the right way because I’ve decided that you know it and you’re just holding out and not telling us. What do you want to say about that? Or what do you want to talk about when it comes to that?

Annabelle: Well, I think when it comes to that, this is a Lindsay specialty for sure. Yeah, number one, there’s no right way. But what this does is it opens, again, that door, be yourself and what works for you?

I actually was working with a client yesterday and she was talking about something and she’s like, “You’re telling me that I get to do whatever works for me? Like if this thing works one day and this thing works the next day?” And I’m like, yes. There’s truly no right way to do anything. And what that does is it gives us so many resources.

It gives you so many resources, and to use the resources that work for you. And I think I still think of that. Like you said I was in your mastermind a few years ago, so it’s been a minute, but I still think of that all of the time. And I use that tool of ,oh, there’s no right way. I don’t even have to think about when I’m coaching anymore, I’m just like whatever I do with is the right way, you know?

Lindsay: That’s so good, yeah.

Annabelle: And I think as coaches, as well as just humans, we like to do things the right way. We think it feels so safe. But if you give yourself the permission to do it your way and make mistakes, and still be nice to yourself, truly the world becomes your oyster.

Lindsay: That’s so amazing, I love that. And it’s so true, right? Like when I think about all of the clients who come to me who are just so stuck in that like finding the right way to do whatever it is, to coach, the right people to work with, the right way to market their coaching business, whatever it is, all that time spent looking for the right way is just wasted time, right?

Annabelle: Yeah.

Lindsay: And it takes away all of your power immediately because it’s there’s a right way, it’s outside of me and I’m just going to keep looking for it. Instead of starting with what is my way? How do I want to do it? And then evaluating, because yeah, there are sometimes like, oh, I tried this thing and maybe it didn’t work today, right? Or I’m going to keep going, I’m going to try it again, I’m going to make these changes. But all the time spent looking for the right way is a waste.

Annabelle: Yeah, and I think another thing that adds to, well, obviously to coaching your business it adds you to be more yourself, which enables the people to come to you who want to work with you. But being that example in your coaching business, that there is no right way whether in your business or outside of your business.

Like just being around someone who believes that I can do the things that I want to do in my way, opened so many doors for me in my life. In my business outside, of my business of like, oh, I can do this this way. They don’t have to wake up at 7am every single day, like I can wake up at 8am some days? Or like I can wake up at 6:30 some days and I can do whatever and I can still think good of myself?

I think that example is so powerful in our society today. The right way is so embedded into us, especially, obviously, I work with young people, it’s like you have to get this degree and do this. And I’m sure you’re familiar with this as well, like everybody’s familiar with this of the right way. And opening up the door just opens up the door to so many more possibilities for humans in general.

Lindsay: Yeah, and it’s interesting how ingrained is an us right? Because even I know that there’s not necessarily a right way to do many things. And yet when I think about my daughter’s, right, and I’m like, “Oh, yeah, of course, they’ll go to college.” And then I have to catch myself and bring it back to like, wait a minute, why do I get to decide that right like that? Maybe I should see what they want to do. Like what’s their way?

And yeah, it’s just really interesting how just ingrained it is in us as a society of like, of course, this is just what we do, right? Like I’m not going to question it, I’m just going to move forward. And I think it’s just so powerful to remember that all the ways can work.

Annabelle: Yeah. And I think that’s why it’s such a valuable thing, right? It’s like we all have been taught it, so it’s not like something’s wrong with you if you want to do it the right way. You’ve been taught to do things the right way from society, or maybe religion, or your family or all these different places. Like you’ve probably been told when you were a kid like, “Oh, good job,” or “bad job,” right?

And from there, from that moment you’re being taught that there’s one thing that’s going to make you good, and there’s one things that’s going to make you bad. And it’s like not on purpose at all. And so I think calling that out for what it is, of if you’re having this thought that you should do it the right way, nothing’s gone wrong. Again, nothing’s gone wrong, it’s just worth noticing and saying, oh, well, what if there isn’t a right way?

Lindsay: Yeah. What are the things that you see a lot from your clients? Like what do they come to you with thinking like there’s a right way to do this? Everything?

Annabelle: Everything, yeah.

Lindsay: You’re kind of a general life coach, right, for young people?

Annabelle: I am a general life coach for young people. But I would say more so like internal opinions. Like people want their opinions to be heard, what shows up, like of an unwillingness to be wrong, right? Like they want to be right about everything. Decision making is a big one, especially at this age. Like where do I want to work?

Lindsay: So many decisions, yeah.

Annabelle: What do I want to do for the summer? What do I want to do for the winter? What do I want to do tonight? Like I don’t know, right?

And so I think building that trust with yourself of a willingness to be wrong, doesn’t mean that it is going to be wrong. And I really have to help them build that trust with themselves. And also teach them that aspect of like you being willing to be wrong doesn’t mean that it’s actually going to be wrong. It just gives you the freedom to choose, right?

And so I think in that aspect I see a lot of young adults being afraid to give themselves choices because they’re afraid they’re going to choose the wrong one. But if they’re thinking about it, they’re not going to choose “the wrong one.” And sometimes they might, and they might feel bad, and they’re going to learn how to have their own back.

Lindsay: Right.

Annabelle: But yeah, there’s an interesting thing there with the fear of giving yourself freedom because you’re going to do the wrong thing. But it’s just like a parent with a 16 year old, right? If you give them the option not to go to the party or to go to the party, you can trust that they’re a good kid and they’ll probably choose to not go. But if you tell them they can’t go, they’re probably going to go.

Lindsay: Oh yeah, I’ll call you for coaching on this in a few years definitely. I’m like wait a minute, that doesn’t sound true.

Annabelle: It’s so funny because I use parenting all the time in my coaching, but I have no kids. And I’m always like, “I don’t have kids, but I have been a kid.”

Lindsay: Yeah, well you’ve seen, with so many siblings you’ve seen a lot of parenting. Like that’s the thing that happens a lot in your family, I’m sure. I know you have like nieces and nephews, and I’m sure you see parenting there as well. Just all around.

Annabelle: Yeah.

Lindsay: So I was thinking when you were talking just how amazing it is truly, and I know I’ve said this 100 times, but I’m just going to say it again. How amazing it is that you coach your clients who are in their 20s, who are at that point in their life where they’re making so many decisions, and really for the first time learning to make them for themselves, right? Which does take so much trust.

And I remember, I will never forget the day that my mom called me, I was in college and my mom listens to most of my podcasts, so hey, mom, you were like my first life coach. She called me and she said, listen, something like, I don’t think you’ve actually decided what you’re doing. You’re just doing what you think you’re supposed to be doing and I think you’re a little miserable. Maybe take a semester off college and go figure it out. Like travel, go visit some friends, like she gave me the freedom to do that.

And I just remember thinking like literally no one has ever said this to me. I didn’t even know that was an option. In my mind I just had to figure out what I wanted to be for the rest of my life at that point, and I kept changing majors and I kept, you know, kind of like not getting great grades because I just wasn’t motivated. I had no idea what I wanted to do.

And I just remember her saying that was like, I just immediately like broke down, right? Like started crying and I was like, “What? Like this is a thing?” And it’s just so powerful for people that age to have someone like you to be like, “Listen, you get to make your own decisions, and I’m going to help you learn how.” It’s so good.

Annabelle: Yeah.

Lindsay: It just gives me chills thinking about it.

Annabelle: It is pretty fun. And also, like just listening to you talk, I forget how valuable it is sometimes that I’m like, even I have these tools for the rest of my life. And like what that’s going to do for me, what it’s going to do for them. And yeah, helping them make decisions for what they want.

And lots of times I see my clients lying to themselves, where it’s like what they want versus what they think they should want. Exactly what you’re saying, where it’s like, no, what you want is actually probably, sometimes it’s the same.

That’s also the crazy part, is like what I see a lot of my clients are like very high achievers and so what they really want is to do well in school. But they’re telling themselves they have to do well in school. So they’re like I should want to do well. So I’m like, “What do you really want?” They’re like, “Well, I want to do well in school.” And I’m like, “So it’s all the same here.”

Lindsay: Yes, I could have been your client for sure, you’re describing me perfectly. That’s amazing.

Annabelle: Yeah, and every other young adult, right? And what happens when you recognize that it is what you want, is number one, you stop beating yourself up and you stop having that like battle in your brain of what you should want versus what you do want. But number two it feels fun.

I’m a big advocate of fun, you’ve probably heard me say that a lot of times today. But like it feels fun, you’re like, “Oh, I want to do well in school, I’m going to go study, that’s going to be fun because I’m going to get good grades because of it.” You know? Or my boss wants me to do this different. Like, I ultimately want to be the person he can count on, I’m willing to fix it and it’s going to be fun. I wonder how creative I can get in doing this thing.

And so when you align what you think you should want versus what you want, you start to get those two parts of your brain working together as opposed to working against each other.

Lindsay: Oh yeah, that is so good. Can you just say that again? Just that last part.

Annabelle: Yeah, I just said that when you align what you think you should want with what you want, and when it’s the same, those two parts of your brain start to work together, as opposed to apart from each other. Which then feels so good all through your body.

Lindsay: So amazing. It’s such a good point, right? It’s like I can think of times where I have fought against something like thinking, “Oh, I should do this thing.” But then the thing I want is not the same and like I should probably get up at 5am every day and do the two hour morning routine and, you know, all the things. Like that’s what they say, right? Like they in quotes.

Annabelle: Yeah, that’s what they say.

Lindsay: And when one day I was like, “Wait, what if I just shouldn’t do that?” And I did like align the two things, right? Like what should I do? I should probably just try what I want and see how it goes. And so far it’s going great.

Annabelle: I will pitch in here and say that when I found out that Lindsay didn’t schedule any calls before 10am I said I want her to be my coach.

Lindsay: Yes. Yeah, that’s so funny, you told me that right before we hopped on here today. You said, “I just have to tell you one of the reasons I hired you.” Was it on a podcast? I don’t even remember where I said that. Annabelle: I don’t remember either.

Lindsay: But people talk about this all the time, they bring it up. I’m like, I talked about that one time somewhere, I don’t even know where.

Annabelle: Maybe it was on Stacey’s podcast or something.

Lindsay: It could have been, yeah. Yeah, like maybe on a different podcast interview. But yeah, people bring that up to me all the time. Like, do you really not start your day until 10? And I admitted to you that now sometimes it’s not till 11. But that’s just what I do.

Annabelle: It works.

Lindsay: It works for me, my brain works better after that time. And I also work later sometimes, right? It’s not like, oh, I’m like working two hour days. But just aligning, like stop fighting against the things that you think that you should be doing, right? That’s kind of the takeaway here, I think, hopefully, for everybody listening.

Annabelle: Yeah, we have so many thoughts of what we should be doing. And don’t use them against you, or figure out if that is actually what you want. Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s not. But just get rid of it.

Lindsay: So good. Cancel those thoughts.

Annabelle: Cancel, yeah. Delete.

Lindsay: Okay, so for anyone listening, they will know this by the time this podcast comes out in a few weeks, or in about a month from when we’re recording, I will be launching the next round of Coaching Masters. So what would you say to anyone who is thinking about joining, or on the fence, or like thinking is this for me? What would you tell them?

Annabelle: I would tell them definitely join. Just do it. I guess even more so what I would say to them is if they gravitate towards your work, or they love listening to your podcast, or maybe they’re in The Coach Lab and they want to be in Coaching Masters, like do it because there’s more where that came from.

Lindsay: I love it.

Annabelle: What you experience on the podcast, you experience 30, 40, 50 times as strongly in Coaching Masters where you’ve got this Lindsay that’s grounded. And she’s so good at listening and letting people be human. While then also being like, “Okay, let’s look at it this way.” And I think what happens in Coaching Masters is you do start to see yourself for what you can be.

And Lindsay is so good. She believes in her clients, she believes in coaches, she believes, if you’re listening to her podcast, she believes in you and like she wants you to be you and she wants you to succeed. And I would say that doing Coaching Masters was one of the first times that I was like, “Oh, I’m special. Like I’m different and I can help people.” And I think Lindsay really gave me those thoughts. Not gave them to me, but I knew she was thinking that about me, so that enabled me to have them as well.

And I feel like I saw that experience with everybody in Coaching Masters, they were all feeling like they had something to offer individually. And in that room you just get to hone in on what you have to offer as a person. Yes, like in your business and stuff, but like as a person, Lindsay sees you for you. Which makes you just feel like you have so much value to give whether it’s in coaching or whether you decide to quit your business tomorrow.

I think that’s something that you offer that’s so valuable. Again, whether it’s in your business or not. You should pay to get in the room just so you can have that for the rest of your life.

Lindsay: I think one thing, first of all, thank you. I love hearing you say that. And one thing I was thinking while you were talking about that is one thing that I kind of bring with me in my coaching is the experience of being hard on myself, and pressuring myself, and not giving myself that thing that you’re talking about, right?

So it’s like through coaching I learned to do that for myself. And now it’s something that I just feel is so important for all of my clients, right? It’s like, I don’t want them to all be like me. I don’t want them to coach like me, I don’t want them to act like me, or think that they need to do anything because it’s the way I do it. I want them to figure out like who they are. And why is that the most amazing option to be as a coach, and just as a human, right?

But to just not pressure themselves like it has to look this way, it has to be a certain way, it has to be the right way, right, to bring it back to what we were talking about earlier. And yeah, like I get it because that used to be me and it was like my favorite hobby, beating myself up and pressuring myself into getting things right and, you know, like getting them perfect the first time. And I think that that’s not even a thing that we can do as humans and if you can let go of that, it changes so much.

Annabelle: Yeah. And I think that’s also why it’s cool, I don’t know if cool is the right word, but inspiring. That comes through in your messaging is what I’m trying to say.

Lindsay: You can call me cool if you want. I’m going to write that down. If you could just like voice memo that to me so I can show my daughter, that would be great. Thanks.

Annabelle: Okay, you got it. So what I’m saying is like those thoughts that you have that you’re valuable, you can do things your way, comes through in your messaging. And when you start to think that about yourself all the tools that you teach, that comes so easy. Because you’re like, oh, I can do it in my way and I already think so highly of myself, highly as in I’m not beating myself up all the time. And I see my value. Basically, it just gives you the foundation to then add all the tools to your toolbox and apply them very easily.

Which I think is very neat, very cool that that comes through in your messaging because it builds the foundation. And that’s probably where a lot of people are right now listening to you. They probably feel that from you, they probably feel that you believe in them and that you want them to be themselves. And so then it’s like, well, yeah, you better break through the door because there’s more where that came from.

And then the tools are going to be so easy for you to apply. And the tools are game changers for your clients, and for you.

Lindsay: I love it. My thought all my clients is like, listen, Coach, you have a mission. You need to get over all of your own things so you can go do it, right? Like go into the world, coach all the people, they’re waiting for you. But they’re not going to find you when you’re getting in your own way.

Annabelle: You haven’t found you, right? What?

Lindsay: Exactly. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, is there anything else that we have not covered that you would like to talk about?

Annabelle: Yes, there is.

Lindsay: Uh-oh, okay.

Annabelle: I’m glad you asked. I was like, I’m going to have to interrupt.

Lindsay: I love it.

Annabelle: Now, this is another thing that has really, really inspired me with you. Just looking to you, while I’m working with you and from afar, is I guess, some people call it the slow burn.

Lindsay: Yeah, I forgot about that.

Annabelle: Yes, this comes with your groundedness of you’ve practiced believing and having your own back so much. Where I’m like, okay, there is no timetable. Again, with that right way, like in the coaching industry there’s so many coaches, there’s so many people doing all of the things. It’s like, “Oh, maybe I should try that. Or maybe I should try this.” And you’re so good at being like, “I’m doing what’s working, and it’s going to work. And if it takes a little bit longer, that’s okay.”

I’ve heard you talk about that thought, I’m behind. And I definitely, like this past year, like you said, I had some life events come up and I thought of you almost every day. It’s like, okay, I’m not behind. Things can go at whatever timetable, and I can hold the belief that it’s going to work, no matter what and I don’t need to spend time trying to change all the things.

So yeah, that’s something that really inspires me about you, is slow burn and holding the belief, even when people around you maybe are getting results faster or you’re tempted to change. I was listening to your one podcast where you’re like troubleshooting, right? And it’s like, wait, wait, wait, this is working, it’s okay.

Lindsay: During my launch?

Annabelle: Yeah, during your launch.

Lindsay: Yeah, just watching my brain go to that place, and even you just brought this up, the thought like I’m behind. And I think I shared with you at some point that that, I think we talked about it maybe in the mastermind. That is just a place my brain loves to go, right? It’s just one of my favorite thoughts, like I’m behind.

And now I just notice it, it still comes up sometimes. And I just question it, right? I’m like, “Wait, am I? What am I behind? What does that even mean?”

Annabelle: What does that even mean? I love that question.

Lindsay: Like what am I behind? What is the measurement I’m using? What am I comparing myself to? And I think the faster you can start to notice, like what’s just your favorite thought like that, right? Where does your brain just love to go to kind of, to hold you back or beat you up or whatever it’s doing. Really, ultimately it thinks it’s protecting you, right? Like that’s why it’s happening.

But the faster you can kind of see it and notice like, oh, this is just one of my favorite thoughts, it’s just so practiced. It’s okay that it’s there. It gets to stay, and I just don’t have to believe it.

Annabelle: Yeah, you’re so good at that. I would say I feel a little bit special. I’m sure everybody else actually feels this way because I feel like that is the same thought that my brain goes to. I’m like, “I’m behind.” And then after this conversation or like whenever I’m coaching my clients, whatever, and I’m like, I’m 24 and I’m running my own business, and this is so fun.

Lindsay: Yes.

Annabelle: Like, behind, what? This is like a totally made up thing. And so you’re such a good example of that, of redirecting, reminding, questioning, and being like, “Look, it’s not a thing.”

Lindsay: Well, it’s very linked to what we were talking about before, right? About there being a right way.

Annabelle: Yes.

Lindsay: And it’s very much like looking outside of yourself and saying like, “Oh, I’m looking at what this other person’s doing, or I’m looking at the results someone else is creating and I’m like judging myself, comparing myself based on that.”

And also, there are like 5 million other options. If I wanted to compare myself I could choose someone else, like what does it even mean that I’m behind? Because in some cases that might be true, in most cases it’s probably not. So why do it at all, right? Which is a thought I practice all the time, of like why would I even think about what someone else is doing? It just doesn’t make any sense.

Annabelle: Yeah, and a big thing I do with my clients is they really focus on like who they want to be, how they want to be showing up in the world. they think it’s going to come through their actions, but then we talk about how it comes through like what they’re thinking, right?

And comparison does come up and it’s interesting because we compare ourselves based on someone’s actions. But two people can take the same actions, and the thought behind it could be totally different and not the person you want to be at all, right?

Lindsay: Yes.

Annabelle: Because someone can make whatever, a couple hundred thousand dollars, but from the thought that they are better than everyone else. And so they hustle, hustle, hustle, and they like share all these things, and they make all this money.

But like do you want to be the type of person that thinks you’re better than everybody else? Or would you rather do the slow burn and be the type of person that everybody’s good enough and, like you’re good enough and they’re good enough too, and that’s why they want to buy from you, right?

Lindsay: Yeah.

Annabelle: And so I think that’s a really interesting thing with comparison that I’ve spent time thinking about recently, is we compare our actions and that’s just like so wrong. Because if you know the model or you know your thoughts create your results, then you know that doesn’t mean anything at all.

Lindsay: Yeah, and it’s just so easy to look at someone else’s results and assume you know like that’s the full picture, right? But truly, you have no idea how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, any of it. And I have seen, you know, so many of my friends and colleagues who it’s like if you just, on paper, looked at what they were doing, it’s like, “Oh my gosh, look at these results. They’re amazing.”

And also they’re sometimes miserable, as we all are, right? Not like they’re doing it wrong. But like, you know, just one result is not the end all be all measurement of like is it working or is it not?

Annabelle: Totally, I think we all like to look at one result to be the end all be all.

Lindsay: Yes.

Annabelle: Which is why that question is so good, of just looking at what is already working, and I think you’re so good at that.

Lindsay: Thank you. I think you’re so good at that.

Annabelle: Thank you, I’ve been practicing.

Lindsay: I love it. Okay, tell them where they can find you. They definitely have to find you on Instagram, I love following you there. Where else? Or is that it? And tell them like whatever you want to say.

Annabelle: Instagram is it. At Annabelle Sorensen, well it’s Annabelle_Sorensen_.

Lindsay: And we’ll link this in the show notes. So if you’re someone who is driving or showering or whatever and can’t write it down, no problem. It’s in the show notes.

Annabelle: Just look for the picture with the cute girl.

Lindsay: She’s so cute.

Annabelle: But yeah, you can find me there. And I’m just always sharing lots of value. Come and find me, can say hi. I love to connect with anybody. If you have any questions about like how I started young, or if you have any questions about what you can do, or if you want to borrow any thoughts from me, please just reach out.

I love people. I love connecting. Or if you just want to talk about, I live in Washington, DC, and there’s lots of fun things to see. So if you like want to talk about where to go, I got you.

Lindsay: Yes, and you have the best energy. You are always so, like I don’t know if this is actually true in your day to day life, but every time I talk to you, I’m just like, I just feel so happy. You just have this joy that just rubs off. So people have to come find you to experience that. And I just love you. Thank you for being here today.

Annabelle: Thank you for having me. I thankfully got to say some of my appreciations to you today. But you are incredible. And like I said, Lindsay is one of the first people who just really believed in me. And I was like, okay, I can do it. I’ve got something to offer.

Lindsay: I love it.

Annabelle: And that’s magic.

Lindsay Love it. All right, goodbye,

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. see you next week.