This is Lindsay Dotzlaf and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills episode 205.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Hey coach, I am so happy you are here today. First of all, I apologize for the sound of this recording if it sounds a little different than usual. Hopefully you will forgive me. I thought I had this episode recorded before I left. I am actually on an amazing trip in Italy, which has been the most incredible experience. And I learned that some of the things that I recorded before I left either had flaws in them or did not record at all, which is always so fun.

A lot of you have probably experienced similar things before. So that is where we are today. And so I am actually recording this from the most incredible hotel in Ischia, Italy, and having the best time. But luckily I have already recorded this, so I already had the notes. I am just going to pop in and rerecord just for you, but hopefully you can just forgive me if it sounds any different than usual.

So what I want to talk about today is something very specific, and I am also going to invite you to find me on Instagram and give me some feedback on this and let me know if you would love to hear other episodes like this. And give me some ideas, and you will see what I mean in a minute, of what that I am about to talk about.

So one of the things that has happened a couple times recently that I think is interesting that led me to create some of this content is a couple of people, either colleagues or friends or clients or whatever, reached out to me and said like, hey, could you record a podcast about this specific thing? This kind of coach speak, coach cliche, coach phrase that we use often and talk about like, if you think it is useful, how you think about it, how you would teach it. And so that is what I am going to do today.

And so for example, the one I am going to talk about today is you have probably, hopefully most of you have heard this, how you do one thing is how you do everything, right? This is something that a lot of coaches say, a lot of coaches use this in their content, they use it with their clients. Maybe they use it for themselves and sometimes this phrase can be super useful. And sometimes it can become, like I said a minute ago, a little cliche.

And when I say that, I only mean cliche as in not necessarily because it is overused, because sometimes this phrase or phrases like it can be super useful. But it can become cliche as in sometimes coaches, myself included, will say things like this, just kind of throw it out there without really stopping to apply, like what does it actually mean in this moment, right? Or say it in a situation where you are not talking to other coaches and you just say it like it is an obvious thing. And people might not know what it means or they might take it too literally.

So that is what we are going to talk about today. And I have some ideas of others that I am going to record episodes on. But if you have any ideas that you want to hear me talk about, or even if that is something that I have never heard of, totally fine. It does not have to be something that you think I use or I say, because a lot of them, honestly, I do not. I try to stay away from talking about things like this because I do think they can be a little overused and over-generalized sometimes, while also being super useful if you really are using them in a powerful way and really are kind of going underneath, like what is the real meaning of this phrase?

So if you have any that you know you want to hear me talk about, probably the easiest way is find me on Instagram @lindsay.dotzlaf, just my name, and just DM me. Tell me, I would love to hear you talk about this thing, and I will totally do it, okay?

So let us dive into this. So how you do one thing is how you do everything. I want you to take a second and just kind of clock, like, is this something you use? Is this a phrase you use with yourself, with your clients, in your content, in any form, with your family, maybe? And if it is, what does it mean to you and how do you think about it?

And what I am going to share today is just the way, first of all, the problems that can come up when we are overgeneralizing things like this. And then I am going to just dig into like, how do I think about this and what is actually very useful about this concept or this phrase or this theme? All right, so just take a second, take a breath, think about it. Do you use this phrase? If you do, what does it mean to you? Or do you see other people or other coaches use this phrase and do you agree with it?

Do you not agree with it? There is no right answer here. Just get curious with yourself for a second.

Think it will be interesting before I tell you how I think about it for you to just kind of clock. Oh yeah, like this is where I stand on this or oh, I love this, this is one of my favorite things or no way, like I do not get it at all, does not make sense. And the reason I want to do these episodes is because I think sometimes when phrases like this that can be very powerful, that can have a really powerful meaning become overgeneralized or overused, a couple things can start to happen.

People will not take a minute to like really deeply think about what do they mean? And so they will be translated too literally. And when you translate it too literally, how you do one thing is how you do everything, which to me is like clear that is not true in a very, very literal sense, right? I can think of things that I do one way that over here I do them a totally different way.

And so I think what can happen is it can start to create pushback. So if you think about this in terms of using them with your clients or in your content, it can start to create pushback or like, ooh, I do not like that, if you are not really explaining what you mean by it, or if you are using it in a way that is kind of over-generalized or not explained, right?

It can create like a, oh, like, why does my coach always say this thing? If your client does not really understand how it is useful, it can just create, you know, it can just create that kind of instant, like, ugh, factor for your client, and we just want to prevent that in as many ways as we can, right? Because that will immediately just start to create a different feeling around all of the amazing coaching that you are doing.

It can also create pushback from like within the industry. I have actually seen, I was already thinking about doing this series and it was so interesting because it was on my mind and this is one I had written down. And then I saw this whole Facebook thread just as I was scrolling. I saw this whole Facebook thread about this very thing and people kind of like arguing like coaches, arguing about what does it mean? Is it useful? Is it not useful?

And I found it really fascinating to read the comments. And I just thought like, why is this a thing that we are arguing about? Like, why? It does not make any sense, right?

So when it creates that pushback, if you think about that, like even just the pushback in the industry of you should not be saying this, you should not be teaching this, this concept does not make any sense. Also, if you think about using it with your clients, it can slowly start to turn into something that is used more as like a weapon or an insult instead of a useful tool.

Now, I am assuming, especially because you are listening to this podcast that none of you listening are ever using coaching or using a phrase like this as a weapon or insult on purpose. Right? We are just going to assume that about you. And even in the slightest way, even in the tone of your voice, right? Even when it is like, well, how do you do everything or how you do one thing is how you do everything. If you hear it that way, right? Just listening to the tone in my voice, just that slight tone difference can turn it into a like, ooh, yikes. And I am assuming you just do not usually want your client to feel that way.

Whereas using it in different ways and really showing, like whether you use those actual words, or just kind of use this concept in your coaching, which I think can be so powerful, that just has a very different vibe to it a very different outcome when you are using it in that way.

So specifically thinking about this how you do one thing is how you do everything. Here is how I would describe it. Here is how I think about this. If I were to use that phrase to someone, or if I were just going to use that concept in my coaching, whether or not I say those actual words or not, what I would be thinking about is, it is a general belief. And notice I said belief, which is different than how you do one thing is how you do everything, which I think can be translated easily into just going straight to actions, like all the actions you are taking. But I think the more useful piece to look at is a belief you have.

So a general belief you have about either yourself or the world or other people or fill in the blank, anything that creates similar results in many areas of your life. So a belief you have that is just like, here is just a general thing that I believe about myself, about the world, about whatever, that when I am thinking it, it leads me to these specific actions. And those same types of actions are going to be showing up.

So I will give you some specific examples. Some of these are things that I have actually worked through or thought about myself. And some of them are not beliefs that I necessarily have but they are just examples that I have heard. And I thought it was useful to just share several.

So for example, if you have a belief or if your client has a belief that the world is not fair, something like that or it is like out to get you, right? Like the world is out to get you or things just are not fair, the world is not fair. And you think about just carrying that around with you and thinking about where is that showing up in all areas of my life? How am I interacting with other humans? What is the reaction I have when my flight is delayed? What is the reaction I have when someone argues with me about something that I think is not fair, and I just, that belief comes into the equation, right? Of course this is happening, the world is out to get me, or life is not fair, or something along those lines. And what results, like what are all the results that that could create in every area of your life when you are unaware of it?

Another example is something like, there is always plenty of time, or yeah, you just like tend to be a person that takes your time doing things, right? Which the belief there is like, there is always plenty of time, or like I am always right on time, or something along those lines. And notice how sometimes these thoughts and create useful things, right? It is not like every time you are thinking this, you are creating terrible results.

But if you are just like, there is always plenty of time, if that is the thing that you tend to believe, like think about what that creates in your life, right? Maybe sometimes you are moving a little slower than you would like to be or than other people would like you to be. Maybe it creates you being late often. And one thing I would, if you think about it in terms of that, if you are a person that tends to be late, now there can be lots of different reasons this but let us just say a lot of times it is coming from this belief about like there is always plenty of time or like no need to be in a hurry or something like that. And it is creating results that you do not love. You are late. People think you are rude. Like whatever. All those things. Right.

And so that is happening in lots of areas of your life. That is such a good example of it is very useful to see, oh, how you do this one thing or really how you think about this one thing is showing up in every area. And maybe, even when I say every area, it is like that is also flexible. Because maybe there is an area or two where maybe you get a new job and it is so clear that you can never, ever, ever be late or you are like fired on your first offense. And so it takes work, but you actually work against that belief that you usually have because you know, like the want of having that job is greater than this belief so you can like overwrite it.

Another example might be something like people are generally good, right, like just believing that most of the people in the world are generally good people. And how does that have you showing up for all those places in your life?

So those are just some examples. I would love for you to take a moment and think about like, what are some of these things either for you or that often come up in your coaching, right? You could think about like a specific client or these things that you have that are kind of like patterns, which is how I think about it with this phrase. I am thinking I am looking for the patterns. What are the patterns? What is this creating? Is it creating results I love? When does it work for me? When does it work against me?

And I think this is the difference between taking this one phrase that could sound a little cliche to someone versus taking it and using it as a real concept and going much deeper and helping your client explore things in a way that will just give them some insight and awareness to how their brain works right to how they are showing up in all areas of their life because of these certain beliefs that they have.

When you are thinking about using this with your clients, something I would recommend like one way you could think about doing it is instead of just leading with this, like, well, you know, how you do one thing is how you do everything, which, remember, could create a little pushback from a client. Instead of that, like, really considering, like, what could you ask instead of just saying that? Instead of just telling them, well, this thing, which is obvious, which is how I occasionally hear coaches say it.

What are the questions that I could ask that could really get them exploring? What does that mean and how does it actually affect them? How does it affect their life? How does it affect the results they are creating? Because that is going to be way more powerful than just giving them this thing to say.

Now, you can still say that and then teach them what it means or say it down the road, like after you have kind of explored it, right? So when you hear your client saying these things, telling you whatever they are telling you, telling you all their stories and all their things, and you can kind of see a pattern. And then they tell you a thought or a belief that they have, right? That like, well, but the world just is not fair. And you can see that this is playing out in multiple areas.

One thing I would suggest is just asking, oh, that is so interesting. Let us just take a second and think like, what are all the ways that shows up in your life? What are all the ways? Like, when are you thinking that? Let us just look at some examples. When are you believing that the world is not fair? And then using those specific examples that they give you to show them how it is serving them or not serving them depending on the situation.

Right, like this is the part where coaching becomes really powerful because then moving forward, hopefully as you continue to show them this and as they are creating their own awareness or you are helping them create that awareness, now they are going to go out into the world and the next time something happens that they do not like and instantly their thought is like, the world is not fair, the world is out to get me. They are going to notice it because you just had a conversation about it. And they are going to have that moment of like, wait, is there something different I want to think right now? Or I wonder if my results would be different if I did not believe this thing right now. Or let me just experiment with it, right?

Maybe they are not able to just let go of it instantly and never have that thought again. That is not usually how it works. But just creating that awareness so that now they are out moving around the world and they are like, wait, I just did it again. That is so interesting. I wonder when I believe that and then I start to get really grumpy in this situation and then whatever the situation is that I am interacting with they start to respond to my grumpiness because I am thinking everyone of course is out to get me. Is it creating the results I want in that moment?

And maybe they do not even make shifts or changes in it the very first time, but even just the noticing of it, and then they notice it again the next time, and maybe they cannot change it on their own, but they bring it back to you to like, okay, you know this thing you pointed out, I noticed it happening in real time, which to me is like half the goal, at least, of coaching.

You know, I talk about awareness a lot, and I think that is the purpose of awareness, is catching things happening in your body, in your brain, in your actions, catching them in real time, and becoming more and more aware so that you can start to rewind that and catching it before it is happening, right? Like when it is something that is not the results that you want to create, that your clients want to create.

All right, I hope this was super useful for you if you have ever thought about this and if you think about this differently or if you have a different way of thinking about it, that is not a problem. I am just offering you the way I think about this phrase, the way I see it, just in case you have ever thought, you know, not understood it or had some pushback yourself against it, that is fine. And if you still do, that is also okay.

But I really hope this was useful. And if you have something like this that you would love to hear me talk about, please find me on Instagram or find me wherever you want to find me, shoot me a message, tell me, and I will plan to do more of these episodes and I cannot wait to hear what you have for me. All right, I will talk to you next week. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. See you next week.