Hey, this is Lindsay Dotzlaf and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills, episode 122.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Hey, coach. So before we get started today, I actually want to tell you that I have a free training coming up and I would love for you to come. It’s actually a masterclass called The Five Simple Ways to Improve Your Coaching and Shifts You Can Implement Right Away. It is going to be a live free training happening on March 15th, at 12pm Eastern Time, and I would love for you to be there.

I’m going to just give you some simple shifts. If you have been a listener for a while and you love the podcast, this is going to be right up your alley. I am going to be talking about just the five things that I have learned from coaching so many coaches on their coaching. That’s a lot of coach speak right there. A lot of coaches on their coaching, and just so many of the things that come up that I see in the Coach Lab and just kind of all over, all over the industry.

So I would love for you to come join me. I’m going to be teaching that masterclass and I want you to be there. The link will be in the show notes, or in my emails, or on my Instagram. Pretty much anywhere you can find me, we will be posting the link all over. So come join me, can’t wait to see you there.

So now let’s dive into today’s podcast. On the podcast today, I have some guests. I invited them, they’re actually clients of mine. They’re in the Coach Lab, which is, if you’re a new listener, the Coach Lab is my lifetime access program where I teach and coach on foundational coaching skills.

And I have never really had an interview with many of my clients from the Coach Lab and I decided I wanted to do that. I would love for you to join us, and I thought what could be more fun than recording a podcast episode on real-life takeaways, things that people are learning in there, why they decided to join, all of that. But what happened was actually a lot of magic.

So even if you’re listening right now and you’re like, “I’m never joining the Coach Lab, it’s just not something I want to do,” totally fine. This episode is still going to be super useful for you. I mean, obviously, I think you should come join us.

But this episode is still going to be very useful because we talk about so many things from, you know, obviously they share their experience in there. But I think just in general talking about coaching, talking about the way we think about coaching in the Coach Lab. We talked about kind of how I thought about some of the aspects of the Coach Lab when I was creating it and how they have evolved over time and some of our kind of favorite things that happen in the space.

So whether or not you’re interested in joining us, there are going to be lots of takeaways on how you could create something like this for yourself, if that’s a place where you are in your business. Or just how to think about different thoughts about your coaching, about your clients, and about just coaching in general. So, let’s just dive in. I’m going to let them introduce themselves. Come with us, it’s going to be fun.

Lindsay: Hello, I am so happy that you could all be here with me today. I am really excited to record this podcast. I would love, first, for everyone to just introduce themselves. And I’ll say your name, I’ll just go around in order how I see you on my computer. So Dominique, go first.

Dominique: Hi, I’m Dominique Bell. I am a life and mindset coach, and I work with high achieving women over 40.

Lindsay: I love it. Okay, Deb.

Deb: Hi, I’m Deb Anderson. I’m a general life coach. I have a group program where I help people transition to whole food plant-based living. I also work with people one on one and I just, I love it. I love what I do.

Lindsay: So good. All right, and Mia.

Mia: So my name is Mia Countryman and I am a general life coach who works with people who are ready to look at their life and really get a sense for what they could change and what could be different and what they love about themselves. And I don’t know, we just do a lot of deep diving and it’s fun.

Lindsay: So good. Okay, so one reason that I have you here today is to talk a little bit about the Coach Lab, which you all know you sent in to me some forms about some wins you’ve had, some things you wanted to celebrate about being in there. But I do have a question first, which I didn’t prep you for, I apologize. But I think you’ll probably be able to answer it.

I’m curious if you can just let people know kind of about how long you’ve been in the Coach Lab, just approximate. It can be like since the beginning, something like that is fine. It doesn’t have to be the exact number of days. And then kind of why you decided to join in the first place, like when you joined. And we can just go in the same order.

Dominique: This is Dominique and I joined right when it was introduced. I had just found your podcast and I was so excited to hear just simply be great at coaching. And I just knew I wanted part of it. And when you talked about, on a podcast, what you wanted to create with the Coach Lab, I knew I wanted to be there. Lindsay: I love that. And since the beginning, it’s been open for about a year, almost. Coming up on a year. So that’s fun. Deb.

Deb: Okay, so you don’t know this, Lindsay, but I had your podcast in my podcast library for about a year. And I just kept looking at it and looking at it and not listening.

Lindsay: So good.

Deb: And then I decided to listen and I was like, “Oh my goodness.” And I heard about the lab and I didn’t know anything about it. So I had your podcast in my library before you started the lab. And then I didn’t start listening until after you started the lab. I joined the lab in the fall, but I always had my eye on mastery. Like that’s what I really wanted, was I wanted coaching mastery.

So I knew I was going to join Coaching Masters, your mastermind, which you’ve just changed around, which is amazing. So I joined the lab with the intent of like, okay, I’m really going to start really concentrating working on my coaching skills because I want mastery. So about the fall of 2022 I’ve been in there. I love it.

Lindsay: Thank you. All right, Mia.

Mia: I love both those answers because I see a piece of my answers in both of those. I have been listening to you since you started your podcast. And as soon as you talked about the Coach Lab, I knew I wanted in. So I was on the first wave of people who joined, which is pretty exciting; I always think. It’s like, hey, I get to be first at something. But I also really love the idea about being able to be more of a better coach. And so I loved everything about it.

Lindsay: Okay, this is what I love about your answers. First of all, now I know who to blame, I’ve been very open about it, talking about the kind of panic I had when everyone was joining right at the beginning. So the two of you, I’m just going to blame you from now on. All your fault. And, Deb, I love your answer. Obviously, I’m kidding, by the way. I love it so much. I’m so grateful that you’re all here.

And Deb, I love your answer because one of the things that I say, especially when people ask me about my podcast and about like, what’s the secret? How did you grow it so quickly or get so many listeners? And one of the things that I tell people is I was willing to do it, like I went into it with the thought, I’m going to do this for a whole year with no return, right, possibly. Like whatever that looks like, there’s going to be so much learning in it for me.

So for you to say I had it there for a year and just didn’t listen, it perfectly aligns with that. And I think that it’s so important for people to hear that because it doesn’t sound like it was there and you were like, “Oh, that looks terrible, I’m not going to do it.” You just weren’t listening. But then when you did, now look, you’re here. I’m so glad.

Deb: You know what? I think it just came at the right time.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Deb: And I chose to listen at the right time for me.

Lindsay: Right.

Deb: And so I was able to hear.

Lindsay: So good.

Deb: So good.

Lindsay: And I think that that’s important to just point that out, right? Because I think sometimes people think, oh, this thing I’m doing is just failing and failing. But really there are people out there that are like, oh, I know this is for me at some point, it’s just not the time in this moment. So I’m grateful for you sharing that. Thank you.

So one thing that I noticed and that I love that it’s the three of you on here, is your answers, so the things you sent in were all very different. So I thought we could explore each of them a little bit. So I’ll ask the one of you that kind of sent in that answer, I’ll explore it with you. But then for the other two, if there’s anything you want to add, or you’re like, let me say something about that, we can definitely open it up to that as well because I think all three of the topics are really important and so many of the amazing reasons that I wanted to create the Coach Lab.

So it was so fun for me to read your answers, because I was like, oh yeah, this was one of my reasons too. So it was so fun to see that kind of align. So let’s start with Dominique. And one thing that you shared, you actually shared two things. We’ll do one at a time.

Dominique: I had five.

Lindsay: You’re like, no, I have five. Okay, perfect.

Dominique: Well, to stay with the one that I said, I realized the bigger picture on that is, a year ago, and I remember being on screen and being coached by you saying I want to be good at this so much. I want to be a good coach so much. But I was holding that as a problem, and it was really getting in my own way.

The answer I gave you was the first time I was ever coached by you I came with, I just want one more certification. Just one more lesson, like this is the one. This is the thing. And I can just remember in my body what it felt like, your very gentle coaching got me to where I already have what I need. And if I watch that replay back, I literally had tears and my breath was taken away in that recognition that I have what I need.

And then through further coaching what I’ve learned from you is it’s very different to identify if there’s a skill I want to build, a tool I want to add on, and to intentionally decide when do I want to do that? Where do I want to learn that? But not using other courses to fill a sense of insufficiency within myself.

Lindsay: Yes, that’s so important. And I think that in one of my recent podcast episodes I touched on that a little bit, right, where I talk about just the difference between choosing here’s the skill I would love to develop, I can see that it would be really great for my clients, but I also know I’m already great at what I do with the tools I have. Versus I’m not going to feel good enough at what I do until I get this new skill, and this new skill, and then this new one, and this new one.

And I just know, because I learned from myself, which means I also attract a lot of clients like this, that that’s just not an efficient way to do things, right? And it constantly keeps you in that cycle of like, okay, it’s still not enough. Now what’s the next thing? What’s the next skill?

Dominique: And I’ve been a coach for 15 years. And if I think about what was in the way of ever gaining momentum with the business, it was a lot of that just one more thing. One more thing, and then I’ll be ready.

Lindsay: Yes, thank you for sharing that. I see that in so many coaches and I think it’s so normal, right? Let’s just normalize that sometimes that’s a thing, and what if you just don’t have to do that? It’s so much more relaxing in your business to know I know what I’m doing right now, and maybe there are other skills I want to learn. But I don’t have to gather them all today and wait to be a great coach. Thank you for sharing that.

So what else do you want, we can just go through whatever you brought.

Deb: I would like to say one thing on that if now is the time.

Lindsay: Yeah, go for it. Yeah.

Deb: Because I resonate with so much of that, Dominique. I see myself doing the same thing, but I think I caught it a little earlier because you’ve been a coach way longer than I have. And that constraint and that focus, I think, and the feeling of sufficiency, the feeling of knowing, now wait a minute, I can work from where I’m at right now. I’m a great coach where I’m at right now, and I’m going to continue to improve and improve. I just, I love what you said.

Lindsay: Love it.

Dominique: Well, what that makes me think is mastery is a lifelong pursuit. And, in fact, I wouldn’t want to master all of coaching today, even if that was an option. I love this work. I want to keep learning forever. And I’m not going to delay being of service to my clients while I do that. Both can be true.

Lindsay: Yes, so good for both of you, right? Like thank goodness that your clients get the help they need right now and don’t have to wait for you to go do 10 more trainings before you have all the tools you think you need to do it. So good.

Okay, what else? Is there anything else on your list that you want to go through now?

Dominique: Yeah, so many things. But I will say that very often I’ve come to coaching with what has felt like a problem, something hard within a coach relationship or a decision I’m making about my business, whether it’s cancellation policies or access between calls. And in the simplest, most loving way you ask a question that returns me to what is in service of my client?

And as soon as I get there, the answer is very clear and I realize that some of what’s been a problem has been my desire to address my own comfort or discomfort. And you create the space for me to say whatever that is and commit to being of service to my client. And over and over again the answer is very, very clear.

Lindsay: It usually is, right, when we can bring our minds back to what is in service of my client. And even sometimes, and I’ve talked about this before, but like what’s my business decision? Because sometimes it is just a decision we make for our businesses. But noticing all of that drama around it is usually when you can bring your mind back to like, okay, what about my client? What’s in service of them? Let’s start there.

That usually clears up a lot of it, even if you can see like, oh, there’s still some discomfort around this or around this thing. But now I know how to work on the discomfort instead of just thinking like, oh no, there’s a right decision and I need to be very worried about it or very concerned that I’m going to do this wrong.

Okay, so this is what I’m going to do, we’re going to move on to Deb, but then we’ll circle back around if there’s time, because I feel like you probably have a great list of all the things and I’m like, yeah, let’s talk about them.

Okay, so Deb, let’s see, I’ll just have you answer instead of, because I have your answer here, but I’ll just have you say it in your own words. What do you think has been, for you, one of the biggest things that you have taken away from being in the Coach Lab?

Deb: I mean, honestly, if I’m just boiling it down to one thing, I think it’s literally just the place to come with legit questions about coaching and how to handle this situation or that situation that you’re working with a client on. And the acceptance that this is the place to do that. Like, I think I’ve said before, maybe in the lab I’ve said there’s no other place that I know of that’s like this.

And we all probably get trained in different places to become coaches, and at some point they drop you off and you’re a trained coach and you’re supposed to go out in the world and coach the clients. And you want a little bit more sometimes. And you want to be able to talk about the places where you’re uncomfortable as the coach, and that’s what you created in the lab. And I come and I raise my hand and I love it.

I think the one thing I wrote about was, I just remember this shift so deliberately, because it just got sunken into my brain somewhere. And you had said to me, like, what is it that you can control? And I’m like, oh, I know the answer to this question. And it just sunk in at a new level, like, oh, I see myself trying to control the situation, or trying to control the client, or trying to control the husband. I see all the places where I’m trying to control.

And just being able to drop that and let that go, especially in coaching for my clients is so good.

Lindsay: Yeah, it’s so much easier to just show up and coach when you realize that we can’t actually control our clients. Or control what they’re thinking, or control how they show up, or really control any of the things.

Deb: Any of it, yeah. And it’s actually also added to my skill as a coach, being able to make that shift personally for my clients. And there’s more holding space maybe, and there’s maybe a little less agenda, and there’s all these little things that the clients maybe don’t even notice, but I as the coach notice. And I see myself progressing and getting just better and better and better, like a little shift at a time over time. It adds up.

Lindsay: Yeah, well, it’s so fun for me, so for both of you who have already answered and then we’re going to move to Mia have her talk about what she wrote about. But for both of you, Dominique and Deb, you show up to most of the weekly calls. And it’s so fun for me now that we’re almost a year in, I can see those little shifts happening over time because you show up with a different type of question, right?

Like, I can see, oh, she’s really let go of all of that like trying to control things. Or she’s let go of always coming with this, this wouldn’t be my exact thought about it, but coming with this like, oh, I need this other thing outside of what I already have to go look for, right? So it’s so fun for me as the coach to just see those little tiny shifts happening.

And so it’s really exciting to be here hearing you talk about them out loud, because I think sometimes as a client it can be, when they are small shifts that happen over time it can be hard to see them unless you take a second to really reflect on like, oh my gosh, I used to think about this thing all the time, or show up to sessions like this all the time, or whatever it was, and now it’s so different.

Dominique: I just wanted to say something that Deb just made me think of. I’ve been a solopreneur over two businesses for 15 years. And I love the autonomy, I would choose it over and over again. And there are times where, for lack of a better word, it’s lonely. It’s hard to solve it all by ourselves. And it’s an amazing thing to have a place to come so I can maintain my autonomy as a solopreneur and be in a community of people who have answers, or have similar experiences.

Lindsay: I would be lying if I didn’t say that part of the reason I created the coach lab was for me, so that I could be in that community, right? Because I’m in other communities and I love coaching communities and I’ve been in other communities, but I couldn’t find a space where it was like, but I just want to talk about the coaching. I don’t want to talk about how much money you made this week or this month, which is great. That’s all fine, that’s not a problem. It’s just I couldn’t find that space.

And even in other trainings I was doing or other certifications, it was like but we’re only talking about this one thing. And I know that the coaching industry has so much, there’s so much more to it than that and I want to talk about all of it. So that’s like my secret. I’ll let you in on it, it’s like I created this space because it’s all I wanted to talk about all the time. So I’m glad that you’re here and allow me to do that.

All right, Mia. So your story is a little different because when you hopped on, I said, “Oh, I don’t think I’ve actually coached you before,” which is also so fun for different reasons.

Mia: Yeah, so I was excited to join the Coach Lab as soon as I saw it open up. And I saw it as an opportunity to really learn some more skills, to feel more confident in what I’m offering. And the community part, I’m like, I’m listening to you all talk and I’m like, okay, I’m really missing out on a whole section here that I haven’t really dove into.

I do listen to the weekly calls for the most part. I listen to the workshops and sometimes I’m even on there live and sometimes I listen to the replay. But I don’t know, just as an introvert it’s always been really hard for me to show up into a space like this, online even, and really connect with people. But I see where it could be super useful.

So I’m going to put that in my back pocket and I’m going to work on my mindset and show up more and ask for coaching because surely I could use it.

Lindsay: I want to pause you though and just say, because I don’t want this to be you thinking like, oh no, I should be doing this. I actually think one of the great things about a program like the Coach Lab where it’s like there are many options, right? There’s the weekly calls, there’s the community, there’s the vault where you can log in, and then that’s also on a private podcast. So I just have so many opportunities for you to come in and take what you need.

And so I don’t think it’s a problem if someone is, you know, I have colleagues, for example, who I know are in the Coach Lab who aren’t in the community, and they just consume the stuff in the vault, right? Or they just listen to the private podcast. And I think that’s great. So I think you know you, but then if you see, oh, okay, here are some opportunities maybe I could take advantage of, also great.

Mia: I do see that there’s value in all of the spaces and showing up more could be useful for me. But I have gotten so much value out of what I’ve already been taking a part in. And that’s kind of, what my answer to you was that when you asked that question to us, I said that it was about the goal setting and the way that you introduce goals, and you spoke about goals. And you gave it in such a way that it made it okay to have goals.

And that was really important to me because I didn’t, personally I had really stayed away from goal setting because it was something I used to beat myself up instead of something that I just used as a metric, right? As a measuring tool, seeing where we’re going, a target, and where are you on that whole journey.

So when I listened to you speak about it and I read all of your material, it really made it so much more accessible. It made it make sense. It made me want to set some goals and work towards them. And it made it easier for me and made more sense for me to use it within my own coaching because, you know, doing general life coaching, more on the mindset but definitely willing to talk about wherever and whatever we need to talk about. Really, whatever we need to talk about.

I needed something that kind of held that package together more. And that goal setting really helped me have that flow that continued throughout my package. So being able to learn these tools and really implement it in my coaching has, I think, taken it to the next level. So I appreciate that.

Lindsay: Yeah, I love that. I think I’ve just talked to so many coaches, I knew when I created the Coach Lab I had talked to so many coaches before that similar to you. And I completely get this because I used to use goals in not the most healthy way, just personally.

And I think that for someone who is a little scared of like, oh, but I can’t set a goal because then I’m just going to beat myself up with it. Or if I don’t hit it, I’m going to make it mean all these terrible things or whatever, to just reframe that really helps kind of have that guide in your coaching that’s like, okay, but now at least we know what we’re working on in the direction that we’re headed, right?

So we can kind of evaluate and say, are we headed in the right direction or not? To me, that’s the only part that matters, right? Like is it working or not?

Mia: Right, it becomes like a little touchstone, too. So like we’re going through our session and we can go to that point if we need to, but we don’t always have to every time. And it allows there to be so much more awareness, and I appreciate that.

Deb: Can I say something on this?

Lindsay: Yeah, definitely.

Deb: It’s the silliest thing, and I actually have it drawn for my clients here. But one of the things that I love the most out of the lab is that place where you drew the dot, like this is where you are. And you make a dot, this is where you’re going, and then you make this crazy line in between the two dots. And that, to me, I mean, it was just like, yeah. I use that all the time. I love that little snippet, that piece of the goal setting. And it’s like gold.

Lindsay: Yeah, I love that. It’s just like, let’s just think about them in a little different way, right? Like, let’s loosen our grip on the term goal and decide what it really is in coaching, because it’s not just one measurement of like, are we doing it right, or are we not? Dominique?

Dominique: I’ve had the drama that I know a lot of general life coaches have, but are the results I offer measurable? And that moment of like, oh, well, money coaches or weight loss coaches have it so easy because there’s such a clear metric. And that’s not helpful.

And just really to see that there’s a way I can use the idea of goals that is in service to my coaching. It doesn’t have to look like this thing that gets measured like pounds or dollars. But we get to say, my client and I get to define what we’re measuring.

Lindsay: Yes.

Deb: Yeah, and so I’ve been working with some clients for a year, a little over a year, and I see the difference in them. And I’ve been just surveying them, do you feel the difference in your life? And they do. It’s almost like the intangible benefits are better than the measurable tangible ones because it changes how you show up to your life.

And I’m a different person too. And feeling that transformation, it’s kind of like sugar, it’s like once you get a taste for transformation, you just want more and more and more and more.

Lindsay: Oh, that’s amazing. I was like, what about sugar? Are you going to say it’s bad? Because I love sugar.

Deb: Well we all love sugar, but you know what I mean? It’s like give me more of that.

Lindsay: Yeah, I love that. Okay, so I had an application for it to be on this podcast of someone that said, I can’t actually make the times, but I really want to submit this anyway. And I loved one of the things she said. So I wanted to bring it up and just see what your thoughts are on this or if you have any opinions about it. If you don’t, obviously, we can take this part out.

But I just think it was something that I was very intentional about, that it felt really fun for someone to say like, this is one of my favorite things. So her response was really long but basically she said, I love that you have guest coaches. Which is so funny, because sometimes in other communities, people complain about that, right? Like, we only want the main coach, I don’t want any guest coaching.

But I knew from the beginning, because of the type of space I was creating, I wasn’t doing it so that I can go on vacation or whatever, although it is useful to have that as an option when I’m traveling. But I did it because I wanted it to be so clear that there are so many different ways to coach, right, and that this person is going to show up with a different personality, a different coaching style and on purpose not coach just like me, right? And I give them full permission to coach like themselves.

And I’m curious if anybody, if any of you have thoughts about that? Or if you have just, I don’t know, anything that you would want to share for someone listening about why that’s important.

Dominique: Yeah, definitely. It’s easy to think that there is one right way to coach or something will be very trendy and everyone’s using one tool and like is that the thing I’m doing? And I’ve been exposed to a couple of different people who coach in their own way and it’s all wonderful. And I’m like 90% intellectual, 10% woo, and I feel like I have permission to be my own blend by watching these other brilliant coaches be their own blend.

And what is true is that we’re all committed to be of service and cultivating the self-awareness of how do we do that? How do I show up in service of my clients? And it’s going to be different than the way Lindsay shows up. And it’s going to be different than the way someone else does, but I just feel like my heart is in my coaching in a way that I don’t think it was before.

And I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention names, but watching Sheri have her hands on her heart and sway, that’s become something, because it taps me into pure passion and being present. I never would have thought that was okay, and so I just feel like I’ve gotten the blessing to do it my way.

Lindsay: So good.

Mia: I agree. I would say I’m like 40% woo, 60 % intellectual. So trying to find a space where I can meld those together and feel like I’m offering something that is of value and is of service, and showing up being my authentic true self has been a struggle. I’ve made it a struggle, I’m sure that it’s all in my head.

Lindsay: Well hold on, I don’t actually, I want to take some of the pressure off of you because I don’t think that it is all in your head. Because I think that there are a lot of spaces in this industry, and this is not bad mouthing any space at all, but I think that there are a lot of spaces that are like, this is the one way, this is the perfect way, this is the way we are going to do it here. And that’s what you go into the world and use.

And I just think, I don’t know where this came from, maybe a little bit of like my rebel attitude of like, don’t tell me what to do. But I just think that there’s so much outside of that, right? And you can tell when you’re being coached by someone that is trying to kind of perfectly stick to a this is the thing I learned, let me perfectly kind of stay on script, versus this is just who I am, this is how I coach. Let’s get down to it and get to work. I just think it’s so different.

Mia: That’s true.

Lindsay: But I don’t think that’s just on you.

Mia: Okay, that is true.

Lindsay: You’ve learned it.

Mia: And I think that I would say that in most things that we do I want there to be space for lots of different types of individuals to show up and get coached or get trained or get whatever in all the different ways. And that’s why there’s so many different ways to go about it. So yeah.

Deb: But that’s another thing that you brought up just there that I just love about the lab. It’s allowing us to be ourselves and mix ourselves into this big cauldron called coaching. And like how much of ourselves we pour in there and start mixing around, and then allowing ourselves to show up like that. Whenever I lean into that, it’s like all the doubt melts away and all the shame melts away. And I just get to be me as a coach.

And since everyone’s giving their percentages, I’ll give you my percentages. I think I’m about 85% intellectual and 15% woo-woo. I mean, I just love the woo-woo. And here’s the thing, Lindsay, and you don’t know this, maybe you do know. I don’t know, but I found you because you were a guest in someone else’s program. And that’s how I found you and I was just like, oh, I’ve got to get more of her. And then you hung out in my podcast library for a year.

Lindsay: That’s so good.

Deb: I love programs that have guest coaches, I’d love to be one to one day. Because what Dominique was saying, it’s like you get to experience different flavored coaches.

Lindsay: I just love that.

Dominique: I was thinking about this, and at the core of my coaching is really encouraging my clients to be more themself in the world. Like more them, deeper them, shed layers to be them. And what we’re talking about right now is exactly that. I’m showing up as more me as a coach, so I’m modeling for my client like, no, you. Not pretend you or not you comparing yourself to all the other people, you.

Lindsay: Yes.

Deb: That is such a great point, Dominique. That’s so good. I mean, in fact, I did that this morning and it’s a shift I’ve made and I didn’t realize it. It’s like I allow myself to show up in my truth, in my honesty, in my authenticity more now than ever before because I am being me. And that’s okay. And I’ve learned how to be me and not be worried about what other people will think about it.

Dominique: Well, in addition to being a coach, I’m a human and I want to be present with other humans. And this idea of being more us is leaning into that humanity. I love that, Lindsay, you’ve said things like that, whether it’s in the lab or on the podcast, like humans. Talk about it like human beings. And I just love that. I have to remember that sometimes in coaching when I’m on a call and I want to get it right, or I want to ask the right question, or I want to move them forward. Like just breathe and be a human with another human being.

Lindsay: Yes, One thing I always think about coaching, it’s interesting because sometimes I always have the thought of like, usually a lot of the work coaches do is work that they have kind of had to do themselves, right? Like somewhere on their journey the thing that they’re, especially in this space, where it’s like if you’re a general life coach or coaching on something that’s that super niched in, although even then it usually is a lot of times, like, oh, I’ve done this work and now I want to help other people with it.

And I got to the point where I was like, how does that apply for me, right? Because sometimes I was just thinking like, I know I’m a great coach. I don’t question the coaching, but what I realized is my work has always been just showing up as myself, right? Not showing up to get like the A+, or to do it someone else’s way, or to just show up in a way that makes everyone happy and people please, or whatever that is. That has always been part of my work.

And the deeper I kind of get into doing this work with other coaches, I’m like, oh yes, like it feels like coming home to me or like I love this work so much. And I love helping coaches show up for their clients in their coaching in a way that just feels so settled to them, right, because they’re not thinking, I have to do it this way, or this is the right way, or I need to go get 20 more tools to be good at what I do. But just to really settle into who you are and what you do right now. So I’m glad that you brought that up.

So one thing that I think about when I think about the Coach Lab is, I don’t know if any of you, maybe none of you are going to get this. But I love stand up comedy. So I listen to Mike Birbiglia’s podcast sometimes, it’s called Working It Out, I believe is the name of it. And I noticed I was just thinking about this last week about the Coach Lab, and this kind of ties into what we were just talking about, which is his podcast, he has guests on and they talk about the kind of process of working out comedy, right?

And we usually see the end piece. We see like the Netflix special or whatever where it’s just they’re standing there and being funny and we laugh. And it seems like, oh, they just came up with that, right? That’s just like a story that they tell and they’re just really funny.

And one thing he talks about is no, he tells it over and over and practices it. And maybe tries it at a dinner party and tries it, like does it in all these places and then he edits it each time, right? He’s like, oh, this is the thing that got the laugh, or this is the thing that landed, or I need to add a pause here.

And I think of the Coach Lab, I’ve really put a lot of thought into this recently, I was like this is the place where we just come to work it out, right? With no shame, with no like, oh no, I’m so embarrassed to say this thing that happened in a session, or that I don’t know how to deal with or that I whatever. And I’m curious what your thoughts are about that or like what your experience with that is within the space.

Dominique: It occurs to me that that’s the evaluation process you teach us, it has so much to do with that. Like it neutralizes if I tried something and it didn’t work. Okay. It’s okay, nothing’s gone wrong. That’s my favorite thing that you say, nothing’s gone wrong.

So that didn’t work. Do I want to let that go? Do I want to find a different way to ask the same question? And just to evaluate and decide what will make my coaching more effective versus having any sort of a shame spiral around like I tried that thing and they didn’t like it and I must not be a good coach, like that whole thing. Versus oh, I’d like to be more effective. How does that thing fit in?

Lindsay: Yeah, which is really such a better way to solve that problem, right, than like, oh no, it’s a me problem. Let me go down this whole spiral of being a better human somehow, and then be able to solve this thing. Instead of, oh, when I see something that actually didn’t work in my coaching, let me just solve that thing without piling any of the other things on top of it.

Mia: I think that has a lot to do too, with being an entrepreneur and recognizing when it’s not just, like not taking things personally and being like, oh, this is just a part of having a business and kind of divorcing yourself from your emotions around it and putting yourself in that space.

Lindsay: Yeah. Especially in an industry where there’s the opportunity for so many people to have opinions about what you’re doing, right? And for you to be able to evaluate it without taking on, not that, okay, we’re going to ignore all of this. Sometimes there are reasons that we’re like, oh, let me examine this. Maybe there’s some truth here.

But to be able to do it in a way where we don’t beat ourselves up and where we don’t have to shame ourselves because someone’s unhappy, or even because we think maybe possibly someone is unhappy, which is usually the case, is very different than like, oh, let me just carry all of their opinions and like wear them around like a heavy sweater, right?

Deb: I love that analogy because what it brought to my mind was the practice aspect of what we do. And we need a place to practice, and the lab provides that place, right? Like where do we work it out? We work it out in the lab. So yeah, I think you nailed it with that analogy and with what you’ve created in the lab. And I’m super excited for the future of it and to see how it continues to grow and evolve and just get better and better and better.

Lindsay: Hopefully, we’ll see. Maybe I’ll make choices that you guys are like, I hate those choices, I’m out of here. Just kidding. That’s not going to happen.

Deb: Doubtful. Very doubtful.

Dominique: I would like to share one thing, maybe back to the question of having guest coaches.

Lindsay: Oh yeah.

Dominique: You had someone teach a workshop who I’m a big fan of, and it was about getting in the pool with our clients. And I really took it in and I ended up writing myself a note that’s now over my desk where I coach. And it says, “I’m a lighthouse and my client is a strong swimmer.”

Lindsay: Oh, that’s good. Oh, that just gave me chills.

Dominique: Yeah and just I don’t belong in the pool. And it’s okay, sometimes I’ll find myself there. And that was the workshop, right? Wasn’t it? If you find yourself in the pool, dry off. Yeah, sometimes I’m going to get in, and the way to best serve my client is to be the lighthouse.

Lindsay: So good, I love that. You’re allowed to say names, by the way. But was it Brig? I don’t know who taught that.

Dominique: It was Brig.

Lindsay: Yeah, she’s amazing.

Dominique: Yeah.

Lindsay: I love that.

Dominique: Well, she’s amazing and this is an amazing thing of being in a community of my fellows. I’ll read the Facebook group, or be it the live coaching, and I’m an author of these amazing, brilliant women who are in the world of service. And then I remember, I’m one of them.

Lindsay: Yes.

Dominique: These are my peers.

Lindsay: Yes.

Dominique: And that just, like it gives me chills to even say that right now.

Lindsay: Yeah. I’ve noticed this shift a little bit happening in the Coach Lab because it is something I talk about, but I also kind of pinned like I want to talk about this more, of I think that it is a space to come and practice believing that everyone here is my peer, right? Instead of like, there’s a few people here who know way more than I do or that are way better at what they do, to just come and see everyone working through things and everyone bringing the thing that’s like, oh, this is what I’m working on right now.

It creates, I think, an environment where it’s helpful to believe, what if everyone is my peer? What if I am out in the world doing these big things just like anyone here that I might admire or might follow their work or whatever. So I love that you said that.

What else? Is there anything? I want to open it up to any of you if you have anything that you’re like, oh, I was hoping we would talk about this, or I want to add this, or just in general anything about coaching. We’re good? Everyone’s good? We’ve covered it all?

Deb: Absolutely nailed it.

Lindsay: Perfect.

Deb: I can’t think of anything else. I mean, I’m sure there are a million other things. But going back to what Dominique had said, I love the community of it, the community aspect. And I love that you created it because you wanted it, because I think that’s okay. I think that’s amazing, actually. Like, wait, I want this community, but it’s not out there. So let me make it. Let me create it. Let me dream it up and do it. And you’ve done it. And my hat’s off to you.

Lindsay: Well, thank you. And I want to be clear for anyone that’s listening that’s like, oh my gosh, oh no, how do I do that? What’s the community I want? Because I know some of you, your tendency is to go straight to like, I need to do this, what do I want to create?

It took me a while to figure it out, right? It took me a while to realize this is all I want to talk about and I’m not interested in some of these other things. And then I just realized I couldn’t find it anymore, right? So it was a work in progress. It wasn’t just like overnight and I just woke up one day and said, oh my gosh, this is exactly my work in the world. It was definitely a process, but here we are and I’m so glad that it happened. I’m so grateful. Oh, yes, Mia, go for it.

Mia: Oh, I was just going to say that I feel like the Coach Lab really, along with your saying about having everybody be kind of our peers in there. I’m in a lot of other groups and sometimes it’s really easy to compare and despair and to be like, oh, that person is so much farther along than I am.

And I feel like when I’m in the Coach Lab and I’m watching everything, I’m thinking, oh, that person is having a problem that I’ve had, or that I could put myself in their shoes and they’re working it out. And it’s so helpful and I feel so supported just watching, just being in that environment, even if I haven’t spoken up. So I’ve really enjoyed having access to that. So I thank you for creating the Coach Lab.

Lindsay: Well, thank you for joining it. I did not bring you here to all tell me thank you. I’m working on receiving. Don’t worry, this is a work in progress. But I do appreciate it.

Dominique: But if you’re in the mood to receive I want to say that you are a calm presence as you coach, you never are rushing. You’re never, yourself or the client. And I don’t know if everyone does this, but I definitely, if I’m a little uncomfortable, it can start to push the pace. I think speed up is the answer. And over and over again I watch you slow it down. And it’s amazing what happens. You make a lot of space.

Lindsay: Thank you. Yeah, I will say the one critique I get every once in a while is just that I talk too slow or that I think too much or whatever. And I’m like if there’s something bad you can say about me, that’s the one. I’ll take it. I love that, it’s like a compliment. Bring it on. So I appreciate you acknowledging that.

And I think that it is, I don’t like to be coached in a fast pace, especially when stuff is coming up or if I’m having any emotions or awareness even like bubbling up, I don’t love to be rushed. So I think that I’ve just turned that around and said like, okay, how can I just be sure to slow this down, make sure it’s sinking in for the client? Because that feels way more important than me knowing that I’m getting through the coaching, right? Or like, whatever the other result would be.

So that is intentional. And it has been also, I would say, a work in progress. It’s not like, I didn’t just the first day I started coaching, coach like that. I appreciate you all so much. Thank you for being here. I would love for each of you to have a chance to just kind of say whatever it is you want to say. What you’re working on, where people can find you if they resonated with what you said, or anything you want to share before we hop off. So let’s start with Dominique.

Dominique: You can find me at dominiquebell.com, and on Instagram at Dominique_Bell_.

Lindsay: Thank you. I love it and you had the most amazing, I don’t know actually if it was recent, I just saw it recently. A photo shoot where you just have on the most beautiful dress. And is it a photo shoot or was it like an event?

Dominique: It was, yeah, a really great photo shoot when I did my rebrand.

Lindsay: It’s so beautiful. I saw photos and I was like, what is this? It’s incredible. I love it. So everyone should at least, at the very minimum, go look at those photos. But for sure find you. Deb, your turn.

Deb: Yes, so you can find me, my website is debandersoncoaching.com, Anderson with an O. You can email me at deb@debandersoncoaching.com. And I do have Instagram, I’m not on there a lot. I’ve been meaning to get on your Instagram, Lindsay, so maybe I’m going to hook that up. But it’s @DebAnderson coaching, and that’s my LinkedIn as well and I spend more time on LinkedIn.

And I love working with people in my group centered around health. Like just all things health, whole food plant based living. And then I do have some one to one spots, just a few, open right now.

Lindsay: Love it. Do you work one to one on that same thing, on health, whole food eating?

Deb: I do, but I also have a contract where I work with lawyers and I love variety in my life. That’s why I call myself a general life coach because I love coaching on all the things, kind of like what Mia was saying. Like just all the things, bring it. Money, time, relationships, love it.

Lindsay: Perfect. Mia.

Mia: Yeah, you can find me at miacountryman.com or on Instagram @MiaCountryman.

Lindsay: That’s it. Perfect. That’s perfect. All right, thank you all so much. Seriously, I’m so grateful that you took this hour out of your day to come chat with us and I will see you soon in the Coach Lab.

Deb: Thank you.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. See you next week.