Podcast Party Bonus: When Celebrating is Hard with Stephanie Baylor

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Hey coach, welcome to the podcast party, come on in. I am so happy you’re here. So this week I’m doing something a little bit different as you may have noticed. If you’re like, wait, it’s Monday, or it’s Wednesday, or it’s Thursday and there is a podcast today, yes, this is an entire week of podcast party bonuses.

So as I said on my episode last week, this month I am focusing the entire month on celebrations. On celebrating, why we celebrate, the importance of celebrating, and just really digging into some things that come up when we talk about celebrating and just why it is so, so, so important for us to do, especially if we’re growing businesses or really working on being the best coach possible for our clients which is, of course, my favorite thing, and also important for your clients, right?

A lot of times we love to set big goals, we love to help our clients with big goals. And it’s really important to take time along the way to celebrate, to see the small wins, to say like oh, I’m so proud of myself for achieving this piece, for doing this thing.

So this week happens to be my birthday. So for my birthday what I decided was I wanted to have a party, a podcast party. So every day this week, every day, I am interviewing people from my life who I’m very close to that I have asked to be on the podcast and we are talking all things celebrating, all things fun.

And I will say, when I first started recording these I thought, “Oh, I’m not really sure where this is going to go and this will just be fun to record.” But I’m going to tell you right now, some of these conversations are going to blow your mind. Some of them get very, very deep. And all of these people know me very well, so they tend to be a little bit more of a casual conversation.

So I just want to give a caveat, if you are listening with children, you might pop in some headphones or save this one for later because throughout this week as I’m interviewing my party guests we just talk about some adult related themes, just like you would at any adult party. So that is what’s happening, happy podcast party, come on in and join the fun.

Lindsay: Hello, welcome to my podcast party. I’m so excited you’re here. We’re just going to dive right in. I don’t even know what to say. This is so, you said this feels surreal for you before we started. And for me, it also feels surreal and just so fun. So tell them who you are, what you do, a little bit about what you do, and how you know me.

Stephanie: Okay, sure. My name is Stephanie Baylor. I am an online business manager for a couple of clients. And, like you said, you just want to dive in, I don’t even know where to start with how I know you. Like I have a vision in my head of you and your daughter Charlie, what was she, two, walking down the street with her in the back of a wagon.

And we were playing in our front yard and I just saw you like just staring at us as you’re walking by. Like you’re not even looking down the street, you’re just staring at us.

Lindsay: That sounds really creepy.

Stephanie: It does. But I was just like, “Okay, hi. How you doing?” And you come back around and we started talking. And our kids are what, 12 now? 10 years?

Lindsay: She’s almost 13. Yeah.

Stephanie: Oh my gosh, that’s crazy. And that’s how it started. You said, “I’m going to be friends with her.” And here we are.

Lindsay: So good. Okay, so just briefly, so it doesn’t sound quite as creepy, or maybe it might make it creepier, I don’t know, I will just tell my side of that story. Which is we used to live in the same neighborhood. We still live in the same neighborhood, just a different one. But our old neighborhood was an older neighborhood, it had been around for a while, a lot of the people that lived there were older.

And we lived kind of in the back like corner of the neighborhood. So there just wasn’t a lot going on, it was a little quiet. And although I loved, loved all of my older neighbors and I loved that it was a quiet street, when I saw people moving in I very specifically remember I was driving, I think driving home from an errand or something, and I saw you, I think your husband unloading something in the back of your van or something. And I saw, what were those seats called that little kids sit in? Like a Bumbo seat.

Stephanie: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Lindsay: And Charlie was at the age that she had one of those at the time, and I think she may have been closer to one.

Stephanie: I don’t think our kids were walking yet. You’re right, I don’t think the littles were walking. Yeah, you’re right.

Lindsay: Okay. So I saw that and I thought, oh, I wonder. Because there were no kids, right? And we had had a baby, I think she was about one. And I didn’t have my second daughter yet, so it’s just us and her just living life, loving it. And I was like, oh, I saw that and it was over. I was like, “We’re friends.” So literally I think it was that day or the next day I put her in a wagon and we walked down the street.

And then I had to like work up the nerve to just say hi and introduce myself. So I do think I probably walked by once and I was like, “Do, do, do nothing to see here, just out on a walk.” Apparently, I was staring at you. I didn’t know that was happening.

Stephanie: Yeah, I probably should have told more of the story. Like we had just moved back from Germany, so for me to see people speaking English walking around, I was hyper aware of what was going on. So we were both on the same wavelength, we just didn’t know it yet.

Lindsay: Yes. Yeah, so then we were basically immediate best friends and hung out every day and had little kids at home and just have been on this journey together for the last 11 years.

Stephanie: Oh my gosh. Wow.

Lindsay: That’s pretty crazy.

Stephanie: That’s amazing. Yeah, it’s been great.

Lindsay: So I thought it would be so fun to have you here today. First of all, because, as I said, we are still neighbors just we have both moved. Now we bought houses in a new neighborhood but we still live right down the street from each other.

And out of all the people that I’m talking to this week for the party, you know, this virtual like podcast party, you’re probably the one that I, I’m going to say this like with quotes, like party with the most. And by party, I mean sit at the fire pit and drink some wine, make s’mores, let the kids hang out. Like just hanging out, really. I would rarely call it partying.

Stephanie: No.

Lindsay: Every once in a while.

Stephanie: I mean we’re 40, do you party like that anymore when you’re 40? Does that happen?

Lindsay: I don’t know, we’ll see.

Stephanie: Oh, maybe we should start the trend. You know, it’s going to be your birthday, let’s just start the new year right.

Lindsay: Yes. So I thought it would be really fun because you do know me in a way that a lot of people don’t. And you also, because you are an online business manager and work with in a very similar industry to what I do, I have an online business manager. And I just thought you could bring a unique perspective to just celebrating in general. Just in your own terms, how you celebrate, how you think about celebrating.

But then also just kind of being on the back end of someone else’s business who, you know, other people’s businesses where you are maybe the one in charge of like, no, no, but look at all the things that did go well when we get a little in our heads about maybe we didn’t hit the goal, or it didn’t turn out like we thought it was going to or, you know, any of those things that coaches love to beat themselves up about.

Stephanie: Right, yeah, it’s very interesting. And I love that you say I have unique perspective because I do feel like sometimes when you’re in the moment and you have this big goal, or this big plan, or this big launch, you are, or my clients even are looking towards that way. And they’re like looking at the end of the tunnel instead of the road that you take to get to the end of the tunnel.

And so my perspective is I get to see all those little pieces. I get to see all of the little points where the opportunity to celebrate is there.

Lindsay: I love it. And you’re probably the one, as the manager, kind of managing all of those little, I’m sure that the people you work for are too but just in different ways, right? I know for me when I think about it, and I don’t know if this is exactly how it works with you and the people that you work for.

But for me, it’s like I’m managing a lot of the big picture things. And then my business manager, I know, is in the day to day, like doing the things, seeing, oh this many people clicked this link today or did this thing today or showed up for this training.

Whereas I’m just the one thinking about what’s the copy I create for this? How do I do this training, right? How do I show up for this coaching today? And it’s just really different because sometimes I think, oh, that was terrible. And she’ll remind me, no, no, no, let me tell you about all these things that went well. I’m like, oh, yeah, you’re right, I had no idea.

Stephanie: Yeah. And you’re so right because from my perspective I get to see point A where, my clients and I call it stupid idea time. Where we just throw ideas out about a program or a launch. And so I get to see it from when it’s that tiny little idea, and then I get to see it go into implementation.

And then I get to see it go into launch. And then I get to see the automations that go on behind the scenes. And then I get to see my client coach or create the content and put the content out there. And then I get to see my client’s client’s success. So for me, I get to see it from when it’s a stupid idea to where the my client’s client’s are having success. That’s huge for me.

Anytime I’m with my clients and the people in their program, I cry every time. We sit around the table and we talk about, you know, we celebrate and we talk about the things that we’ve learned in a program. And I cry every time because I know from the very beginning what that idea was, and now seeing people’s lives changed and the success they see because of that little idea and everything we did, that’s huge for me.

I cry every time. I can’t even talk. I’m like, “I just feel like I know you guys, and I’m so proud of you.” I’m like the mom, that’s like, “Good job guys, you did great.”

Lindsay: That truly gives me chills. And I’ve thought about this, I know I need to have Aqeelah on here at some point. I can’t believe I just said it on here because I have no idea if she’d be interested. She may or may not be.

But she does that for me, right? She’ll be like, “Yeah, but did you see,” you know, sometimes I have guest coaches come in and coach in my program. And she’ll say, “Oh my gosh, did you see Brig’s coaching today?” And I’m like, “Are you crying? What’s happening right now?” And she’s like, “It was so good,” right?

And she just sees all these little things that because I’m, not because I’m not paying attention but because that part of that isn’t my job to always pay attention to. I’m just not on that part at that point. She just always grounds me and brings me back to like, no, no, you don’t understand.

Stephanie: Yes, yes, I screenshot things in our groups all the time. And I send them with like the crying face emoji like, “Look what they just did, this is amazing.” So I think that to bring this all home is just everything we’re talking about is just tiny, little celebrations, right? Like I think that is really important in my role, and like kind of what you spoke about your OBM too, is just to ground you. To bring you back into the reason why you do this in the first place. The tiny celebrations, just the little things along the way.

Lindsay: Yeah, this is a theme that has definitely come up on, it’s interesting, I thought it would come up with, of course, the coaches I talk to because a lot of us think about this stuff all the time, right? Thinking about how do we celebrate along the way? Like how do we think about celebrations? How do we coach our clients on celebrations?

And I really thought like, oh, everyone’s going to have such a unique perspective on this that I’m talking to this week. And it keeps just coming back to the exact same thing, but we’re kind of tackling it. This is what I’m thinking about, is we’re kind of tackling it from every angle, right? It’s like I coach on this stuff, I work on it in my life. You know, other people do it in other ways. And for you, like seeing it, almost seeing like the reverse side of it, right? Seeing the other side where you get to really take in all the things that are happening.

How do you implement that in your life? So when you’re not working in someone else’s business, when it’s just you and your personal life, your personal time, how do you think about that for yourself?

Stephanie: Well, it’s really interesting. And you and I were talking about it a little bit before we got on here, is that everybody has their work, right? And my work has been recognizing my talents and recognizing the value that I bring.

So when it comes to my clients, it’s super easy to celebrate because it’s someone else’s work. And I get to celebrate them and say like, attaboy, great job. But where I had, and you know, I’m human, so I do have difficulty sometimes celebrating myself and bringing that into my personal life. I try to bring the same concept of small celebrations.

So whenever I celebrate myself in my personal life, I used to think that it had to be something big. Like I had to go get a massage, or I had to get champagne, like I had to make it this huge deal. And that didn’t always fit into my schedule. So I just didn’t do it, right? Like I didn’t time block for that so I can’t possibly celebrate and go get a massage.

So I just didn’t celebrate, which just kind of like perpetuated my story of, oh, you don’t need to celebrate yourself.

Lindsay: That’s not important, there’s no time for that.

Stephanie: Yes, just go celebrate other people. That’s much easier and does not take any, you know, personal work for me to do. So, like I said, I started to implement that, the small celebrations into my life where I realized it was just acknowledging the moment could be a celebration. Just deciding that that moment was awesome.

And then it turned into, all right, well, I don’t have time for a massage but I want to celebrate this moment, all my Grey’s Anatomy fans out there, dance party. Just a five minute dance party in the kitchen. Put my headphones in, listen to some 80s or Whitney Houston, my personal favorite.

Lindsay: We’ll get to that in a minute.

Stephanie: We’ll just dance in the kitchen for a little bit and just be excited and celebrate myself in that moment. Or another, I’m realizing I live my life in Grey’s Anatomy. Just in this moment I realized that.

Lindsay: So perfect.

Stephanie: Doing the victory pose. Like just standing up and just being like, “Yes!” Just celebrating, just in that moment is just as important as the big things. Which are great too. I’m not saying you can’t do that either.

But for me what worked was taking the time to acknowledge the moment and just allowing myself to see you have five minutes to acknowledge yourself. You brought value to the situation, you did something you said you were going to do, you had a great day, it doesn’t even have to be about anybody else. You had a great day, let’s celebrate it.

So it took a while to get there, I still have work to do. But that is how I’ve started to incorporate the small celebrations in business into the personal side.

Lindsay: So fun. So okay, when we started I kind of skipped over this, we just jumped right into it. But one thing that I have been doing for every one that I’m talking to this week is telling them what kind of party guest I think they are. So if like I invited you to my house, which I do often, so this is like I know exactly what kind of party guest you are.

For a few people I’m like, this is how I would imagine because I’ve never, you know, I’ve only been with them in more like coaching scenarios. Even though everyone that I’m having on this week, we’re very close friends, some people I just know better than others, like you.

Stephanie: Okay, I’m getting nervous.

Lindsay: Listen, it’s great. It’s amazing. And, obviously, I keep inviting you so you’re a great party guest.

Stephanie: True. That’s true. Very true.

Lindsay: So, okay, so I think that you’re the person who would definitely be on time. You’re going to ask me, which listen I only recognize because I’m always late. My sister and I already talked about this.

Stephanie: If you mean on time 10 minutes early.

Lindsay: Maybe.

Stephanie: That’s me.

Lindsay: You and my sister have a lot in common, which is very funny. But you’re also, and this is probably the thing about you that really links into kind of some of the stuff you were just talking about. You’re also going to ask me 10 times, what can I bring? How can I help? What do you need me to do? Just checking in and making sure everything is good.

Now, we have known each other long enough at this point that it’s much more casual, and you know if I need something I’ll just say, “Hey, and can you bring some chairs? Or can you bring this thing?” So not as much anymore because it’s just, you know, we just hang out.

Stephanie: It’s just natural.

Lindsay: But definitely that is the type of guest you are. The one who’s just like making sure everything’s taken care of, bringing whatever I need. And then, maybe like later in the evening, just a different side emerges. Maybe a little karaoke, maybe some singing Whitney Houston.

Stephanie: Yes. Yes, you’re spot on. Nailed it, nailed. I would be the person that’s 10 minutes early. I would also bring something anyway, even if you said not to bring anything or if you didn’t need anything.

Lindsay: Oh yeah.

Stephanie: Those first couple of minutes I’ll be, you know, the first hour or so I’ll be walking around making sure everybody has what, you know, that they’re involved. If I see somebody sitting at the end of the bar or in the kitchen or wherever we are that’s not really involved, I’ll go and sit down and talk to them and try to get them involved.

And then once everybody’s having a good time, there may be some karaoke. There may be some singing into a wooden spoon at the top of my lungs to random songs. It could happen. I’m not saying it doesn’t, it could happen. It could definitely happen.

Lindsay: And I don’t think that happens every time. I think you have a special gift for knowing when it just needs to come out. You save it for special.

Stephanie: Yeah, I have a special gift of reading the room. Like yes, I feel safe here, I can show them. I can show them the Whitney Houston. Yes.

Lindsay: This is it, yes.

Stephanie: Yeah, this is it. Yeah, I can let it out.

Lindsay: And I love it so much because it’s so opposite of, I feel like if I think about how I am, the person I am at a party, it’s like kind of the opposite of all of that. Like I’m going to be a little bit late. I’m definitely going to be talking to everyone, moving all around the room, like doing a lot. And then I’d probably get maybe a little quieter as the night goes and just planted more in one spot and watching you sing karaoke. Waiting for the entertainment.

Stephanie: No, yes. Yes, and then you will be the one to document it for me after the fact, right?

Lindsay: Yes. I do love that, yes.

Stephanie: Yes. So it’s kind of opposite, like I come into the room and I’m like nurturing, taking care of everybody and then I let loose. You are like, I’m here, let’s do this. And then you nurture me after I’ve lost all control.

Lindsay: Yes, this is true. When you think about celebrations like that, like in your life, you’re celebrating a birthday, you’re celebrating something personal, not in your business, what is like your favorite way to celebrate? If you’re thinking about like a party, what is your favorite type of party?

Stephanie: This is a great question. I love this question because my first thought that came to my brain was like, oh, I used to not like parties. I used to not like to celebrate, I didn’t want to make it a big deal, whatever. But now, I thoroughly enjoy planning my own. Like for my birthday or for anniversary or Valentine’s Day, any of those big “celebrations,” I like to plan it myself, right?

And it’s not a control thing, it’s more of a, well this is what I want. I want it to be fun so this is what I’m going to plan, right? Like I just want to celebrate and this is how, so I’m going to do it. That would be my favorite type. But to dig a little deeper on that, I just want people. I want people there. I want people to have a good time.

I want people to walk away and being like, that was such a blast. Like do you remember that time we did this? Oh, do you remember that time whenever we had the crawfish boil, and your kids were outside playing games with us and just, I just want it to be fun. It doesn’t have to be like a stuffy, we all sit down kind of thing. I want people to be themselves and have fun and celebrate with me. I think that would be the thing. I want them to celebrate with me, not celebrate me, if that makes sense.

Lindsay: Yeah, I love that so much. When I first asked it I was like, oh, she might say that she doesn’t really love a party. And then, because I think when I first met you I think that probably would have been your answer. Like, “Oh, I don’t really, I don’t know. Like I don’t know if I would throw, I would never thrown myself a party, for sure.” And it’s so fun watching you be the person who is like, “Actually, this is what I like, this is what I want to do. Let’s do that.”

Stephanie: Oh, for sure. I think that, you know, and some of the work that I’ve done in this space and being around the people that I’m around on a daily basis, I think that I have realized why I didn’t want it before. And it was really I didn’t want to call attention to myself.

I didn’t want anyone to recognize me. Because if they recognized me for the good things, they were going to recognize me for the “bad” things or the mistakes. So if I just stay in the background and I celebrate you, you can’t see the bad. You can’t see all of the other things that I don’t want you to see.

But when you do that you rob yourself of all the good. You rob yourself of all of the celebrations and all of the little things that come up on a day to day basis. And I just think that it’s just so much more fun. It’s just more fun to live that way. It’s just more fun to have all of the good stuff in your life so that when the bad stuff comes, like all right, that’s fine, and then just move on.

Believe me, how long have we known, 11 years? This has taken a long time to get to this place, a really long time. But yeah, that’s where we are.

Lindsay: Yeah, I didn’t actually think about that before the recording, but it has been really fun watching you become the person who, and this is a perspective that we, at least so far of everyone I’ve talked to, hasn’t shared yet. Where it’s like the celebrating means taking up a little bit of space.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Lindsay: And there’s some good things that come out of that. And then there can be, especially more so for some people, some discomforts that come from that.

Stephanie: Yeah. And I really like that you brought that up because I do think that that is one perspective of celebrating that you don’t really think about, right? When you think of celebrating you think of, like I said before, like the parties, or going all out, or these big things. But the reason why you celebrate, I think, needs to be looked at too.

At least that’s the big thing for me. Once I realized why I wanted to be celebrated or why I didn’t want to be celebrated, the celebrating part became easier.

Lindsay: Yes, that’s so great. I think I told you this before we started recording, but one of the things I’m doing this month, every podcast episode for the month of December has some kind of celebration. Like I’m talking about celebration in one way or another, kind of covering all aspects of it.

And one that I just recorded that I think will probably actually come out after this airs, is just why it’s important to celebrate. Like why do we do it? Not just because it’s like, you know, buying the purse, or getting your nails done, or getting that massage, or like doing something that you think this is what I’m supposed to do to just celebrate this thing.

It is like really there are so many other reasons that sometimes I think get lost in the, you know, “Oh, well, I hit this big goal, so now I get to buy the thing,” or I get to take care of myself, or I get to fill in the blank, like whatever it is.

And I think that what you’re describing is so much of what I teach my clients, which is like it’s so important to do it along the way because, and I know I’ve already said this in one of the interviews this week. But one thing that happens is like when you get there, you’ve already become the person. It doesn’t feel as exciting as you think it’s going to feel when you start the journey, right?

Stephanie: Right.

Lindsay: When you’re like, oh, I’m going to be the person who, for example, builds this business, who makes X amount of money. When you say that from where you are now, you think, “Oh, I’m going to be a totally different person. Like it’s going to feel incredible.” Like you imagine what it’s going to be like.

And then you get there, but because you had that growth the whole time, you get there and it’s like, “Oh, this isn’t what I envisioned,” right? Because you have a new brain, you have a new, like you are that person. So it just feels like, of course, this is what happened.

And so that’s one thing I always point out is like you have to take time along the way to celebrate, oh, I did this for the first time, I did this for the first time, I hit this, I failed huge for the first time. Like celebrating all of those things is the journey.

Stephanie: Right. And you made such a good point because once you get to that end point, or that big goal, where you said now you’re going to be a different person, you get there and you’re like, okay. And then celebrating and recognizing the growth that you had to get there is lost. So now you just think you’re the same person and you’re going to chase something else. There’s always going to be something else you’re chasing.

Lindsay: Yeah, there’s a new goal.

Stephanie: Yeah, because you haven’t celebrated the actual growth that you had getting to that point. Oh, that’s so good. I love that.

Lindsay: Yeah, well and I’m sure because you work for coaches, I’m sure that you see them do that where they, you know, maybe they set a big goal. Let’s say you’re doing a launch or something, you complete the launch, maybe they hit the goal, but in their mind they’ve already moved on, right?

Because it’s like your mind is always a little ahead of what you’re doing because as an entrepreneur you’re always planning like, “Okay, this is what’s next. Here’s the future.” And so in their head, they’re already like, “Yeah, yeah, but now the goal is this.” I see that with so many coaches, right? Like, yeah, that’s great. Great. So glad we hit that goal, and now I’ve already increased it. Here we are, already over here.

Stephanie: Yeah, absolutely. And also, I think for coaches or for any entrepreneur, once you’ve done the work to get to that launch, to that big goal, you’re exhausted. Like your brain is just, it’s worked out, it’s done, it is ready to move on to the next thing because you’ve been living and breathing this one goal for what, six months let’s just say.

So that whenever it actually launches and you have people buying that program you’re like, “Huh.” Whereas me I’m like, “Yes, fun emoji, we got a purchase. Yes!” You know, like let’s do a dance party, we got five people. And I will screenshot and I will celebrate those little things because at the end of the day it’s about serving the people that you work for, and who might purchase my client’s programs, it’s about serving those people.

And if you forget about that fact, it’s just that slippery slope of just going backwards. You’re just like, “Oh, well, I have to make this because I need people to buy this,” or something like that. So yeah it’s, again, it goes all the way back to what we talked about at the beginning of just the small celebrations. Just the teeny tiny little acknowledgments along the way that make a huge difference.

Lindsay: I think the other thing, which I hadn’t thought about until you were just saying that, sometimes the other thing that happens that I notice with my clients, and 100% I do on occasion. And I even recorded a podcast about this when I launched the Coach Lab. And I set this goal and I like crushed the goal and people kept joining and everyone was like, “Isn’t this amazing? Like it’s working, it’s happening.”

And what happened for me in that moment, instead of celebrating it and like, “Oh my Gosh, this is amazing,” I started collecting, looking for all the evidence of what was going to go wrong. So instead of just being, I don’t know if I ever talked to you about this, but my goal, I think it was to sign like 50 clients. I was doing like a pre-launch, like a three day launch. Even though it’s open all the time, people can buy it all the time.

But I was doing a founder’s special for three days. My goal was 50 people, ended up signing about 200 people. And just watching the numbers come in, it was like by the end of the day I was in bed, I was crying, I had like the covers up over my head.

You’ll appreciate this because you know him so well. Nate, my husband, kept coming in the bedroom and he was saying, “Are you okay?” And I would say “Yes.” And he was like, “What’s wrong? Is it not going well?” And I was like, “It’s going really well,” crying. He was like, “What do you mean?” And so I would tell him what was happening and he was like, “I don’t understand what’s happening at all.”

He was just so confused. Eventually he was like, “Do you just need a glass of wine?” I was like, “Maybe.”

Stephanie: Maybe two.

Lindsay: Yeah. He, poor guy, did not understand. Which, of course, he was like, “It’s a good thing though, right?” And I was like, “Yes.” And I just, I was a mess. So that is sometimes the other way we can just ruin all the celebrations, all the goodness.

Now I did, of course, I came back around. I just needed that day to have a momentary panic. I remember it when I very first launched this podcast, when I put it out into the world and I started seeing people, “Oh my gosh, people are listening. Oh my gosh, wait a minute, people are like really listening.” I did it then too, I had just a little panic, wanted to take it back.

Stephanie: So you weren’t celebrating success, you were scared of success?

Lindsay: Sometimes.

Stephanie: Yeah.

Lindsay: I think it’s something that no one ever thinks like, oh, this might be something I will have to work on. And it’s probably linked a little bit to what we were saying earlier, just that like, oh, that’s a lot of space I’m taking up and what if someone doesn’t like it? What if someone doesn’t like what I have to say? What if someone doesn’t like my program? What if, right?

And so it’s like the higher that number is, the more likely that’s going to happen.

Stephanie: Yeah. Oh, that’s really interesting. That’s really interesting. No, I would have never thought that that would be something you would think about.

Lindsay: Definitely a thing.

Stephanie: Yeah, that’s super interesting. I’m like, okay, well, how can I apply that to my life? I like this, that’s good.

Lindsay: Yeah. And I think you settle into it a little bit, like what you were saying earlier where you were like, okay, this is how it used to be and now I’m more like this and it just feels a little more natural. So for me now I’m like, “Oh yeah, more people are buying the Coach Lab, that’s amazing. My podcast numbers keep going up,” right? Like now I’m like, “Oh, this is so fun, I love all of it.” But it’s just that initial shock of, oh, it’s like really working better than I thought it was going to.

Yeah, just sometimes I just like to talk about it because I think sometimes that happens for people and they think something has really gone wrong, right? Like you’re not supposed to think this.

Stephanie: Right. And I think that for each individual person, so for you, that is your, I don’t want to say trigger. But that’s your little place where you need to be observant of your thoughts. So you could be like, “Oh, of course, this is where I am.” And then you could take steps from there.

Where, for me, when I first started and someone said, “Thank you so much for everything you do, I want to give you this,” or, “I can’t do this without you.” I wouldn’t even say thank you. I wouldn’t even say, “Oh, I’m so glad or I’m so grateful.” I would immediately be like, “Oh, no, it’s not me. It’s just you. I just clicked this button and that was it.”

And so, for me, that’s my place where I need to be observant and be like, “Oh, I did do something there. I did bring value there.” So it’s really interesting that each person has their own little area where it could be that thought of all right, I see this. This is where I need to celebrate. This is where I need to jump in and be like, “No, you are a rock star. You did do this.” So yeah, that’s really interesting.

Lindsay: Yeah, like one trick I use now is instead of, now that I know it’s a chance that that could happen, right? I could actually nail this thing and then when I do, I might freak out. Like that is a thing, that is now on the table of options that I didn’t know would come.

But I think when you normalize it, then it’s like okay, of course, this is just part of my process. Here we are, I sold this thing, I did a good job, then I freak out a little bit. Right? It’s like then I just move on and then I celebrate. Instead of like, of course, the first time it happened I was like, “What is wrong with me? I’m broken. This isn’t supposed to happen. I should be excited.” I wanted to cancel the whole thing, close the program, refund everyone.

Stephanie: You guys loved it, sorry, closing it. I can’t, I can’t deal. It’s all closed. Love you guys.

Lindsay: Yeah. So now it’s just like, okay, here we are, this is part of the process. And maybe at some point it won’t be there, but sometimes it still is and that’s okay.

Stephanie: Do you feel like you’ve had that in other areas? Like in your personal life? Do you feel like you see that in other places where, I don’t know. Well, of course, for your kids you celebrate them a lot. But like do you see where you get scared of things and then you celebrate afterwards?

Lindsay: So I’ve thought about this, of course, I’m like, “Where does this come from? Like why is this happening?” And I think that if we, I didn’t realize this was like a therapy session, but if we want to go like way back, right?

Stephanie: Welcome to my podcast. I’m so glad you’re here, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Welcome to the party, we’re talking about childhood trauma. I think that when I was younger I just learned that, for many reasons that we’re not going to get into today, but I think I just learned that there was no other option besides just doing a great job. Like that was the only option. That’s just what was expected because a lot of the grown ups in my life didn’t have mental capacity for me not to be fine and not doing a good job, right?

So I just had to like, do that. Or that’s how I took it on my little kid mind, right? Nobody told me those words. Like that’s just what I internalized. And so I think that it’s a little bit like, no, that’s just the norm, that’s what’s expected. But then to create a result that’s even like so much more than what I envisioned or so much even bigger, it literally feels like my body takes over and is like, “It’s too much, we can’t take this.”

And then people tell you, “Oh, you’re doing such a good job.” Like there’s a lot of praise that comes along with it and that’s where I’m just like, okay, in my bed, covers up, like no, no, no this is just part of the process. Let’s just keep going, don’t tell me good job.

Stephanie: Move along, move along. There’s nothing to see here. Yeah.

Lindsay: Yeah. So it’s just been interesting seeing that. I was like, okay, no, people are allowed to tell me good job. And I’m allowed to receive, I work a lot on receiving. Receiving compliments, receiving, you know, people telling me I did a good thing, like all of that. And I think that’s kind of been some of my biggest work when it comes to celebration, is instead of just like, of course, this is just what I do because this is what’s expected. No, this is a really big deal.

I built this business, I get to think about it like it’s a big deal. Because I think my tendency is to just like, no, this is just normal. This is business as usual, keep going.

Stephanie: So amazing. I love this because when you asked me to be on the podcast, and then you told me a little bit about what it was going to be, you know, focusing on celebrating, I loved the idea, right? Like I love the idea of celebrating. But now that we’re talking, I never realized how big of a deal celebration is.

Truly, I knew that celebrating was just part of my work. But as we’re talking and we’re talking about everything, I’m realizing celebration, I feel like everyone should celebrate. It should just be a part of your day, like drinking coffee, should just be to celebrate something and be excited about something.

Even if it’s on meal plan today, I already know what we’re having for dinner, I don’t have to text anybody at five o’clock saying, “Hey, what’s for dinner?” Celebration done, I can call it a day, don’t have to do anything else today.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Stephanie: I love it. It’s so fascinating to me.

Lindsay: And I think in this context, right, like we’re talking a lot about, and with a lot of people I’ve talked about, we’re talking about big celebrations and hitting big goals and the little celebrations along the way that come with it. But sometimes I think, and my sister and I talked a lot about this, I think sometimes, especially for some people or at some stages in your life, the celebration is I got through the day, I didn’t yell at anyone. I didn’t yell at my kids. We had a peaceful dinner. We like whatever it is, right?

Like just the tiny things that I think you can write off as like, yeah, but that just should be baseline, right? This is just what I shouldn’t be doing. And sometimes life is just hard. We don’t talk about those things, right, where it’s like you’re allowed to celebrate those. Even if the celebrating is taking a minute and taking a deep breath and saying, I did it, period.

Stephanie: Absolutely. Yeah. Right before we got on the podcast, I was having lunch with Shawn, my husband, and my littlest, Nolan, is in Cub Scouts and Cub Scouts got canceled for today. And I was like, you know, first I got annoyed because how do you cancel something on the same day? Like that’s just, I don’t understand.

And then my next thought was like, “Oh my gosh, we’re all going to be home at the same time. No one has practice tonight. No one has anything going on. We can sit down and have family dinner.” And I almost wrote it off, like exactly like you said. I almost was just like, “All right, fine, we’re all home for dinner.”

But we haven’t been all home for dinner in weeks and I’m like, “This is amazing. This is great. Hey, we’re going to be all home for dinner.” And Shawn is like, “Yeah.” But you don’t understand. We’re all home for dinner. So I think that there’s got to be some way, okay, this is just how my brain works, I’m like where’s the spreadsheet where I can tally that I’ve celebrated today?

Lindsay: This is so good.

Stephanie: Yeah, I think that I love that you’re doing this podcast. I love that you’re focusing on celebrating. And to be cheesy, I want to celebrate you for taking the time.

Lindsay: No, no, no, I said I was going to make you cry. You are not allowed to turn this around on me. That’s not why we’re here. It is my birthday, absolutely not.

Stephanie: I’m here to celebrate you, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Thank you.

Stephanie: You know you’re an amazing person, right?

Lindsay: Thank you.

Stephanie: Okay, we can take all of that out if you feel uncomfortable, totally fine.

Lindsay: I’m just working on receiving it. Thank you so much. I think just the thought of working on receiving, right, working on receiving compliments, appreciation, celebration, all of that is such a weird thing. I think if you had told me before I knew anything about coaching, if someone had told me like, “Oh, this is something you should work on.” I’d be like, “You are so weird. Why would I work on that? What’s even the point of that? Like I don’t get it.”

And now I can see that it really has become some of my most important work that I’m always doing.

Stephanie: Oh, 1,000%. I think, again, it goes back to what you said before, and you said so beautifully, I would like you to receive that, is that you take up space, you acknowledge yourself, and that’s hard. That’s hard to do. It’s hard to take responsibility for that moment, good or bad. And I don’t know where I was going with that, but yes, it’s difficult to take space. And it’s difficult to acknowledge your value you brought to the space.

Lindsay: I think sometimes we just get so used to living in our own head, right? Of course, this is why there are so many coaches. But we just get used to being in our own head, hearing the same thoughts, hearing the same things all the time. And so then for you, for whoever the person is, for me, right, it just becomes this is just the baseline. Like this is just what we do, this is just who we are, it’s how we show up in the world.

And so for someone then to come and say, hey, like that is a good job, that thing that you’re doing right now that you’re like, no, this is just normal. This is just what I do. I think that, for me, is like where the discomfort is. And I know I see that other people have a hard time with that too.

And I think that what we don’t realize sometimes is like whatever is happening in our head might be so different. Like someone else might be seeing that thinking, “Wow, how is she doing that? This is amazing. This thing she’s created is amazing.” This, you know, whatever, and you just get so used to hearing your own voice that you don’t see it that way.

Stephanie: Yeah, and you brought up a really good point because I thought about if I’m giving you a compliment and you’re having difficulty receiving it, it almost takes, I don’t want you to take responsibility for how I take it. But it almost takes away the joy that I have giving you the compliment.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Stephanie: So it’s that give and take where I’m giving my gratitude towards you, and you’re not taking it. And I’m like, “But no, I want you to take my gratitude, I want you to steal this.” And so it’s a good perspective to think about it from the other person’s point of view that they wouldn’t be saying it just to say it. They want you to understand that they are grateful for something that you did or they want to acknowledge something that you did. So I love that you said that, that’s a really good point.

Lindsay: This is such a good conversation. I didn’t realize that this is what we were going to get into but I think it’s so different than, like I said, each guest, it’s like each thing we’re talking about is so different and also has the same underlying theme, of course, of like why is it important to do this work, to think about celebrating, to celebrate yourself along the way in your life and your business and anywhere else. And celebrate the people in your life.

Stephanie: Oh, for sure.

Lindsay: Even if they’re uncomfortable.

Stephanie: I was just getting ready to say, yes, this is not where I thought the podcast would go either. Because I already wrote out my answers to all of the questions you were going to ask me and this is not what we discussed.

Lindsay: Yeah, so for everybody listening, we got onto this Zoom and Stephanie was like, “Okay, I’m very prepared.” And she showed me all of her notes. And I was like, “Okay, you probably won’t use those, but that’s good. Just set them there, keep them if you need them.”

So let’s check in. Is there anything in your notes that you’re like, but I really do think we should talk about this thing, I think we should address this before we close up here? Stephanie: I just looked over them, no. You did a great job.

Lindsay: Okay.

Stephanie: Perfect. Or rather, I did a great job. I did a great job of hitting all of the points I wanted to say.

Lindsay: You did. And here’s something I would love to celebrate about you, is that I know if I had asked you to do this, I didn’t think of this until right as we were getting on. If I had asked you to do this, I don’t know, five years ago even, you would have said, “I’m going to throw up. I don’t want to do that. That sounds terrible. Why would I do that?”

And when I texted you and said, “Hey, I have this crazy idea. Do you want to do this thing with me?” You were like, “Yeah, I’m in, sounds so fun.” And I remember being surprised by how easy your reaction was, but I didn’t really think about it until we hopped on here and you were like, “I just got nervous a few minutes ago.” And I was like, “Oh yeah, I bet you did. You’re not used to doing things like this.”

Stephanie: No, I was telling Shawn before we got on that this was very surreal. This is a surreal moment for me because usually I am on the back end editing or clipping podcasts for marketing purposes. And now here I am on a podcast. So yes, I was 100% all in. I didn’t get any drama.

And then when we started getting closer to time I was like, “I have to say the right thing so there’s a clickable marketing, you know, tidbit that she could put on Instagram. I have to be on it so that there’s something that she can post or her OBM can cut.” And then I got into my brain and was like, “Oh, Stephanie, you’re screwed. You’re not going to do a good job.”

Lindsay: Well, I am so grateful that you agreed to do this. Thank you for being here.

Stephanie: Oh, it was awesome. Thank you for having me. And like I said, celebrating you. You’re an amazing person, friend, coach, everybody. I am grateful to have you in my life. So thank you for having me.

Lindsay: Probably not everybody, I’m sure we could find someone that isn’t grateful to have me in their life. It might be tricky.

Stephanie: I just don’t think they’re thinking hard enough.

Lindsay: Okay, so usually I wrap up and say where can people find you, you know, when I have clients on or when I have coaches on. I don’t know if that’s something you want to do or if you want to leave them with anything. You’re not really for hire.

Stephanie: No, and I can’t believe you’re putting me on the spot. I’m like, where do I send people?

Lindsay: No, you can just say nowhere. Nowhere, she’s very elusive, she works behind the scenes.

Stephanie: Yes, I’m behind the scenes, don’t pay attention to me. No, I’m sure if you Googled me you could find me somewhere. But no, I am happy to celebrate anyone and everyone who wants to contact me. How about that? That sounds perfect.

Lindsay: I love it. Okay, well the last thing I’m going to ask you to do, which usually I do this off camera, but because I know it’s going to make you uncomfortable.

Stephanie: I wish people could see the video right now, I’m like giving you eyes like, stop.

Lindsay: No, please edit this out. So you’re going to have to send me a photo.

Stephanie: Oh, sweet Jesus, okay.

Lindsay: See, I knew. I knew it was going to make you uncomfortable. Listen, it doesn’t have to be like a professional photo. Just any photo of you looking like you’re celebrating. Just a fun photo.

Stephanie: Oh, okay.

Lindsay: And the reason you have to send is otherwise I’ll just have to use one of wooden spoon karaoke.

Stephanie: Maybe that would work, who knows? Okay. I will find a photo.

Lindsay: Okay, perfect. Thank you for being here.

Stephanie: Thanks for having me.

Lindsay: Bye.

Stephanie: Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. see you next week.