Hey, this is Lindsay Dotzlaf, and you are listening to Mastering Coaching Skills episode 281.

To really compete in the coaching industry, you have to be great at coaching. That’s why every week, I will be answering your questions, sharing my stories, and offering tips and advice so you can be the best at what you do. Let’s get to work.

Hey coach, I have the most incredible conversation for you today. Today I’m talking to my client and my friend Dorit Wright and she is so vulnerable and shares the most incredible conversation, I think with us, which is a conversation that I think will help every single coach that is listening.

And the thing we are going to talk about and the reason I asked her to come on the podcast is because I see so many coaches kind of get in this cycle of going quote all in on their business and becoming kind of quickly overwhelmed and then shutting down and having to and needing kind of a recovery period, and then just repeating that cycle over and over.

And if I can help any coach get out of that cycle, I wanted to do that. And Dorit is the best example of someone who has worked really hard to get out of that cycle and to make her business, her coaching practice work for her. So, I wanted to have her on so that she can share all of the goodness with you, which is exactly what she does in this interview. So, with no further ado, here is Dorit.

Hello. I am so grateful that you’re here. I cannot wait to have this conversation with you. Tell everybody who you are and what you do.

Dorit: Thank you so much. I am so happy to be here with you. I am Dorit. I am a somatic self-leadership coach and I work with ambitious women who want more and know they’re capable of more, but they’re tired of forcing and performing and pushing themselves to get there. And so my work blends nervous system regulation and identity work so that they can really pursue their big goals, but from a place of real grounded self-trust.

Lindsay: Okay, so, I’m so glad you’re here because I’ve been waiting to have this conversation with you. Because I’ve been watching you as a client and you have made such a transformation over the last year or so you were in maybe more, last two years, you have been in The Coach Lab for a long time. And then you were in some other smaller offers that I had last year.

And now you’re in the membership and I just thought like I have to have you on because we have to talk about what I’m seeing. Because I think it’s so important for so many coaches to hear some of the things that you might share today.

And I really just want you to share with them there’s like no right or wrong answers. I just really want you to share with them like from your heart because that’s what you’re so good at. And I just want them to feel your incredible energy that everybody in my spaces comments on all the time, which we talked about right before this where I was like, listen, this is your superpower. People are always commenting on how amazing your energy is and how good they feel around you. So here’s my question.

Is this a trait that you have just had your whole life? Or is this something that you’ve had to develop? Just that like people loving to be around you. And I want you to just like lean into bragging for a minute. It’s okay.

Dorit: Okay, yes, it’s not so comfortable to brag, but no, this is who I am. This has been my energy since I was a little girl. And I’m learning to own it and I am learning to acknowledge that it is a superpower. So thank you.

Lindsay: Yeah, it’s so good. I mean it’s what I love about you. I love coaching you. I love just seeing you on calls. I’ve shared this with you before. You do have just this energy of like, the biggest thing that stands out to me is not only do I find myself drawn to you like, oh, Dorit’s on the call, that’s good, everything’s gonna be good. But also, you just celebrate everyone. Is that part something that also is like, comes naturally or is that something you’ve had to work on?

Dorit: No, that’s me. I love celebrating people. I love being in the energy and witnessing when people are doing things that they love or that light them up or even when they’re learning something and they’re really, you see that they’re really getting it. I, it lights me up and I can’t help myself, but I mean, you know, I do my snaps. I can’t help myself.

Lindsay: I love the snaps. It’s so good.

Dorit: And a lot of times I do it too because I relate. I’m like, yes, yes, that’s exactly it.

Lindsay: So thinking about someone that might be listening, right, a coach that might be listening that’s like, when I’m in groups, I have a hard time. I compare myself, I, whatever, which you might too, but you don’t show it if you do. And most people don’t, right? That’s usually happening behind the scenes. But what do you think the celebrating does for you? Because I feel like it’s really an advantage for people.

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: Like do you notice anything in the moment when you’re doing it, when you’re on maybe a coaching call with a group of people? So right now you’re in the membership, there might be 20 people, more people than that on the call. And you just stand out to me. You’re like celebrating all the things, commenting in the chat, like celebrating people, doing the snaps, just everything. It just makes people feel so good. And I just wonder if you have a benefit from that.

Dorit: I do. It fuels me, but it also, it helps me stay connected and present. So even though we’re in a group, it doesn’t feel like you’re in this big group. Like I feel really present. I hear what’s being said. I feel the emotion and the experience that the person is having and then the coaching that you give them and especially if I can relate to it, I’m like, yes, yes, yes. So yeah, it fuels me and it keeps me connected and present and I love that. That’s why I also come on all the calls that I can make.

It’s just such a powerful place to be and I didn’t used to think, I mean, when I first joined, I said to you, I struggle a little in group because I hide. I get nervous or I’m afraid to ask questions or, you know, whatever’s going through my mind.

And I had made a commitment when I joined your group that I was going to show up and be me and I’ve grown so much in your container because you created a space for me to do that. It’s been a very safe space and the people that you attract are just, all the coaches in there are amazing.

So it feels like we’re all in it together and we’re growing together and I love how you guide us to really lean into our own strengths and personalities and gifts instead of, you know, trying to give us some cookie cutter thing that none of us fit into. So it just feels so good to be in there and it gives me that space to celebrate and even be celebrated.

Lindsay: What I think is so fun, like what I notice that happens on the calls is when and it’s not just you, there are plenty of other people also celebrating and commenting and all the things and I just noticed it gives everybody a little permission to like loosen up a little to be like, oh, we can celebrate this person and not be so in our heads about this thing that I’m coming for.

And maybe, I know for my own experience of being in groups, like being a participant, but also I think I see this happening where it’s like not only does it get you out of your head a little bit, but maybe it opens you up for some coaching that you didn’t know you needed. Like that someone else is asking for and you can receive as like a kind of like a third party without having to articulate, oh, here’s exactly what’s going on with me or like here’s this thing I’ve been having.

But I just notice like I can look around and like see the faces of people that are like, thank goodness. This is happening. Thank goodness, I’m hearing this or that this came up. And I’m curious if that’s sometimes the experience that you’re having.

Dorit: Yeah, that’s exactly it. I mean, I experience a softening and that allows me to receive coaching where I didn’t know I needed it, which is great because sometimes I come to the calls just because I want to be there. And I think I don’t know if I have something to get coached on and then the coaches will bring something up. And because of the environment and the connection between everyone there, I do experience a softening and I leave with something that I didn’t know I needed. So, yeah, I love that.

Lindsay: I love that you share that and I think I don’t know if it’s something I’ve ever talked about like in depth on this podcast before, but I think it’s a really important thing because it’s, you know, I think sometimes it’s framed as like, come to this group coaching, join my group thing and it’s okay. I’ll teach you how to get the coaching you need from like listening to others. And I get that, that’s fine.

But I think there’s this thing that also can happen, which can be really important, which we don’t talk about enough, which is like the co-regulation kind of of one person is brave enough to talk about it, everybody else is a little relaxed and that actually maybe allows some coaching to sink in that wouldn’t maybe if you’re even the one being coached because you’re like in the spotlight and it’s pressures on you and you have to come up with the right words and be able to really state like what it is that you’re experiencing, which sometimes feels hard.

Dorit: Yeah. That’s definitely an experience I have. Even last week when we were on the coaching call, I brought something up that I’ve been struggling with and I said to everybody in the group, I’m so sorry. I feel like I’m just repeating myself and I remember getting some feedback in the chat that no, we need this. This is great. Like we’re here with you. So that was great for my nervous system. It helped me relax so then I could also hear you and what you were sharing. I could receive it more deeply.

Lindsay: Sometimes it’s just validating, right? Like, oh, wait, we’re all working on the same things over and over. Like that’s literally what we do. It would be not the human experience if we just like heard it once and then we just moved on, we never had to work on it again, we would be, I don’t know what we’d be, we’d be AI, I guess. But you know, it would just be like not normal to be like, oh, okay, you just had to hear it and then now you’ve moved on and you never have to hear that thing again, which is just not how we operate.

Dorit: Yeah. You provide such a great space to be able to keep coming back and saying, okay, I got this much, but there’s still something here.

Lindsay: I just always invite people like, okay, and then come back again, we’ll talk about it next time. Like go try. You have to implement and experiment and do the things and then come back and like, yeah, I’m sure something went wrong. Let’s talk about what it was and something went right too, probably, but like it’s okay if it didn’t all go perfectly as planned because that’s not usually how life happens. And yeah, just like come back, we’ll coach on it again.

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: The coaching on it again is always like the next level of it though. It’s the next iteration maybe. That’s a better word.

Dorit: Yeah, it is. And I love whenever we do come back, there is always a what did work? It’s not just, I mean we feel like we’re coming back with just our challenges because we’re coming for support, but there’s also what did work, what did we succeed in or what did we learn and grow from? So I love that we get a combination of that.

Lindsay: Yeah, I think it’s always important to like, okay, you’ve heard me say this a million times, right? Where I’m like, I hear the thing and then I’m like, okay, hold on though. Let’s pause and celebrate some of those things that you just said that I don’t think you’re seeing as a big huge victory.

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: And then we go through that and then like, okay, now let’s talk about what didn’t work and like how are we moving forward? Because I think it’s important to like that’s part of rewiring your brain, right? To be like, wait, no, there are lots of things actually that did go well here.

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: And maybe one thing that went not great or a few things or whatever. Or even if like most of it was shit and we have to start over. Okay, but there’s still something we’re going to learn from this and celebrate and take into account when moving forward.

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: So, I’m always grateful for the people that show up and are willing to be coached on the same thing again because I think it’s actually incredibly valuable for you, but also for people watching. So I love the way you show up. Just put that officially on the record. It’s on the recording now, so everybody gets to know.

Dorit: Thank you.

Lindsay: Okay, so just a quick like aside. Let’s talk about for just for a second, how did you get into coaching? I know we talked a little before this and I know you hired a coach at some point and that turned into you being a coach. Tell me about that just a little bit.

Dorit: I decided I wanted to be a coach. The seed had been planted years before, but I wasn’t ready to do anything with it. And it was around COVID and that was a time my late husband got cancer and passed away. And I realized that life is so precious. I mean, I knew it before, but it was, it was a time for me of not knowing who I was and being on this journey of, okay, I’m here to figure out who I am, what I want out of life, what I’m here to give.

And I really, really took to heart that life is so precious and we don’t have a lot of time. And I made it my responsibility to live my best life because I felt so blessed that I got to be here when he didn’t and I was not going to waste a precious moment of it.

And coaching was really, really transformative for me. And so I decided that’s what I wanted to do and I dove in and it has been the best journey, experience, life that I’ve been creating through this process because when you become a coach, you are also on this journey of healing and self-discovery and really leaning into being the person you’re meant to be.

So yeah it’s been very transformative, very healing and I feel it’s my responsibility to help as many people as I can live their best lives to be able to be okay inside their bodies, inside their hearts, inside, just knowing who they are and being okay with every part of them and growing from that.

Lindsay: Okay, first of all, I just feel so grateful. That is so special that you shared that. I don’t think I knew that. And I’m positive I would remember it if I did. And so I’m just, I’m just connecting dots like, of course, this makes so much sense why you’re so passionate about what you do and the energy that you bring and I just think that’s really special that you let us in on that. So I just want to say thank you.

Dorit: I think it helped lead the trajectory of how I coach and who I coach because in my marriage it was very codependent. I needed someone to be there for me so that I felt safe. I felt very scared in the world and he was it and I gave him all my fears and we kind of stayed that way for 20 years.

So when he died, I was hit with, oh my God, I’m, it’s just me now and I’m scared and all these emotions came up and I did not know what to do with them. They were like a tidal wave. And I really leaned into coaching and started to get into somatic work and nervous system work and that has been such a transformative healing practice and journey for me that I continue to be on.

And I am so passionate about it because we can, even through coaching, we can try to go as far as we can with forcing, hustling, pushing, mindset, whatever we’re comfortable with, whatever’s familiar, but when our bodies are not matching that, when our nervous system is in survival mode, it will only take us so far.

So integrating nervous system work into my coaching and into my own journey and practice and healing has given me the tools to get out of survival mode so that I can move forward and so that I can help people in a bigger way.

So one example in my business was it had been suggested to me in 2020 to create a website and start an email list. I was only able to do it this last year because my nervous system was in such survival mode that that was just not available. I was stuck in avoiding, procrastination, perfectionism and I would be frustrated because I thought, what’s wrong with me?

Like I’m a smart person, I can figure this out. I have people to help me and I just couldn’t. And being able to work with my nervous system and get out of my nervous system response is freeze and shut down and avoid. So being able to work with it to get out of that and move energy. I have a website now. I have an email list that , I send out every week and I love, love writing to my people and I’m able to show up more differently and more grounded and more authentic, which is still sometimes we’ve talked about it.

That’s one of my challenges, the visibility and the, the putting myself out there and I’m able to do it because of the nervous system somatic work that has been so important to me and the self-leadership. It’s, you know, a lot of us, especially I find as women, but a lot of us look for outside validation. Looking for everything outside of ourselves to know that we’re okay to be able to move forward.

And through this work, I’ve been learning how to self-lead. I’m, I’m, it’s now been six years and I am engaged. I am in a loving, healthy, communicative, interdependent relationship that encourages me to be whole and authentically me, which is wonderful and also triggering, but it’s been an amazing journey and I feel so blessed that this is what I want to help other people with like whatever life you want to have, it is possible.

If how you’ve been doing it is only getting you so far, then let’s try another way. Let’s work with the nervous system. Let’s work with your identity, but through nervous system regulation.

Lindsay: I love that so much. And one reason I wanted to have you on and that I was like, we must do a podcast interview is because I see so many coaches get stuck in this cycle. And I have for whatever reason, often not reasons similar to this.

This is like, I feel like your story now that I know it makes so much sense and it feels hopefully like an extreme for most people listening, but I see this happen for so many coaches where they decide they want to build a business and they do feel very connected to the coaching and to the work, but there’s something about the business side, the marketing, the selling, the visibility piece of putting themselves out there and claiming like I know what I’m doing, I can help you, that kind of puts them in this cycle of them kind of thinking, okay, I’m gonna go all in.

And then they might do that for however long, a week, a month, maybe even longer, three months, six months, whatever. And then it takes such a toll on them that then it’s like, now I have to take a break for maybe the equivalent amount of time or longer and it’s just this cycle of like and then they start over and it’s when I watch to me, I’m like, it’s like doing the hardest part over and over and over.

And so as I’ve been watching you over the last few years because when you joined The Coach Lab a long time ago, you were super active at first. For the listeners, The Coach Lab was is not an offer I have now, but it was an offer I had for years and years and was a group coaching program where, whatever, focused on coaching skills.

And you showed up at first and then you just like and I loved you and then you just disappeared. And then, so now this makes so much sense what you’re saying and years later, I mean think you would pop up every once in a while but then kind of a couple of years later maybe you showed back up and you started doing the work and I just really clocked like wow, something has shifted here.

And it’s just gotten like better and better as you go. And now you’re signing clients and you’re building a business and, and being consistent, which I’m noticing. And I, so I just thought like we have to talk about this because if we can help even one coach get out of that cycle because it’s so painful.

Dorit: Yes, it is painful to start and stop and start and stop and it’s really hard on your system and then it creates more stress and more disbelief in your mind. And in honor of what you do and how you support us, I am celebrating that I am being consistent because that has been one of my biggest challenges because fear and visibility and shut down just has been my go-to.

So yes, one of the things to start with when we do the somatics and we’re recognizing our patterns is to notice what the pattern is and what the nervous system response is because I think we get so hard on ourselves and we want to fix the problem. Oh, I’m not showing up so I’m gonna make a schedule for five days a week and show up five days a week. And then when we can’t because of our nervous system and we get in survival mode, then we’re hard on ourselves and we feel like failures and we shut down.

So instead of trying to fix the schedule or the strategy, I like to practice having grace and compassion, which is new for me. So I’m on this journey of that and just starting to notice, oh, what’s my nervous system response? How am I responding? And when you start to pay attention, you’ll see how it shows up not just in one area, but in all areas of your life. You’ll start to see, oh, this is how I respond when I’m, my body seems to believe it’s under threat. It’s in survival mode.

Lindsay: Yeah.

Dorit: So we want to work with the nervous system response and have practices for that so that we can move through things. So me being able to do, create the website and the email list, I didn’t work on that at all. I worked on getting out of freeze response and avoidance and shutting down and perfectionism, all that opened up to me because I worked on my nervous system.

Lindsay: And when you say, you know, it’s mostly coaches listening, but let’s just not assume maybe that they know when you just say like, my nervous system response, can you say that like in other words? Like if you were explaining to someone who’s not a coach, who has no idea what you’re talking about in just like, how does that show up?

Dorit: Yes. So it can show up… It’s how we react. So when we have a trigger, one of the first ways when I was doing this work was to notice when I had a trigger if it was very intense or extreme, especially compared to what was actually happening, I knew something was there.

Lindsay: Kind of like it doesn’t make sense.

Dorit: Right. It doesn’t match.

Lindsay: My reaction is out of proportion for like the situation.

Dorit: Exactly. Exactly. It’s out of proportion. So that gave me space to when I felt calm, take responsibility and just not to blame myself, but to explore what was happening inside of me, so that I could notice, oh, I’m feeling activated or I’m feeling triggered. I’m feeling very angry or very sad and the intensity is not matching the experience. So what was there?

And I’m just starting to notice how I would react. So for coaches, if we’re trying to write content or put something out there and we start scrolling or we go make coffee or we go do the laundry, like that’s, that’s avoidance. That’s distraction. That’s a nervous system response, but we just think, oh, we’re being busy. We have a million things to do.

Lindsay: I’m distracted.

Dorit: Yeah. And but really what’s happening is something doesn’t feel safe in your body and it’s trying to keep you in the familiar and the familiar is going to make the coffee or do the laundry or just be busy because we as coaches are really pushing ourselves past our comfort zone.

Lindsay: If I take myself back to the days of starting my business and there’s always that awkward trying to figure out like what am I doing during working in quotes, working hours because I don’t have really many clients. And so, and I guess there’s like marketing and what am I doing? Am I posting on Facebook? Am I, you know, this was back in the day. I don’t even know. Surely Instagram existed. I don’t know, it’s all blends together now. I’m not sure.

But I remember having, I think you described it perfectly because my response was like dishes, which is so funny because there’s not a chore that I hate less than dishes. Except maybe mopping or vacuuming or anything to do with floors, I think.

And so after a while, I just was like, wait, I’m gonna be onto myself right now. Why in the world would I want to do dishes instead of whatever, figuring out whatever it was that I was, you know, attempting to work on or whatever. And so I think it’s probably so relatable for people to hear that.

Dorit: Yeah. And once we know that, it’s easier to give ourselves grace and compassion because we start to see, oh, because at first, at the end of the day, we think, what’s wrong with me? I didn’t get anything done. You know, what happened?

And instead, we start to see the patterns and we can say, oh, okay, I’m uncomfortable with something. What is it? Oh, I’m asking myself to be visible and that’s not in my comfort zone. So then we get to work on, okay, how can we be visible where it’s pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone just enough, but not like into the danger zone. Just into the challenging, I’m moving forward zone.

Lindsay: Yeah, I think my brand of that was slightly different. I think it was like, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or what to do next. And so my brain was just like, uh, dishes, obviously. And I was onto myself pretty quickly because luckily, again, I hate doing dishes. So there was like a why is this the thing?

And I think my solution, what I came to, not instantly, obviously, it just took a while, I guess just implementing my own kind of like regulation was like, when the answer is the dishes, instead of getting up and doing the dishes, it was like, I remember so clearly, it was like, take five deep breaths and then just ask myself, what is just the next step?

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: One thing.

Dorit: Yeah.

Lindsay: Not 100 things, not the ultimate goal, not like the big thing I’m working on, but what’s just like one thing I can do right now?

Dorit: You’ve helped me so much with that because my brain likes to think of 100 million things I could be doing because I get excited and inspired by so much, but I also would have the when it’s time to sit down, I don’t know what to do. I have no idea what to do and I sit there with a blank look on my face. But you’ve helped me really simplify. I’ve asked you, I’m like, I need, I need to simplify my plan so that I cannot lie to myself that I don’t know what to do.

So if there’s two or three things that I’m doing right now to move the needle in my business and that’s all I have to focus on, then anytime I catch myself avoiding, distracting, whatever, numbing, I can acknowledge that’s what’s happening and just come back to the simple plan and do like you said, what’s just one thing I can do and then do that.

Lindsay: Yeah. Hopefully this is so important for people to hear. And, and I want to acknowledge this happens at every, this is not just in the beginning of your business, it happens for me now. Now my thing is like, oh, laundry. The difference is I actually like to do laundry, so it took me a minute to actually be onto myself like, oh no, this is just productive. I work from home. I can do laundry during the day.

And now I’m like, no, no, what if I can’t? What, what if I’m like not allowed to do laundry? That really put like a, oh, then what I just have to sit here and feel this discomfort and instead do the thing I said I was going to do or that I’m supposed to be working on or whatever.

So it’s like a different brand, different flavor, but still pops up. And I still have, I’ve come back to like using the exact same thing. Sitting in the discomfort, five deep breaths, and then moving forward from there and one of several ways, but one still is like, what’s just one step?

Dorit: Yeah. And that’s one of the beautiful, important, powerful things about somatic work because there can still be some forcing or hustling when you acknowledge and you’re like, okay, just take that next step. But like you said, it’s important to sit in the discomfort and let yourself feel the feelings. And not not get lost in them or dwell or stay stuck, but just feel them, acknowledge that they’re there, let them be there.

There are a bunch of different practices to do to be able to be with it so that you can still come back to a grounded regulated place and then take your action from there, not from the forcing, not from the crying, overactive, not from any of those states. You want to be able to experience it, let it be there. It’s there for a reason and then do a practice to bring you back to grounded neutral and then take the action from there.

And it can be the smallest action. And in the moment, it doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything, but when we do this day in and day out, stuff starts to shift. Things start to happen. And then you start to get external confirmation through someone engaging in your content or you getting a consult or whatever it is.

Lindsay: Mine, I just like made up on my own, right? It’s just like, well, also had years of therapy and all the things where it’s like, I know deep breaths are just like ground level. That’s a good place for me to start always. It’s like, how about a couple of deep breaths?

And I also know if those deep breaths lead to tears, then it’s like, okay, let’s pause, check in. They either go one way or the other, right? They either lead to tears and like, oh, here’s what’s really happening. Or it’s like, okay, I’m just feeling scared or it leads to some clarity or awareness and then I’m able to take that next step.

I’m curious though, like what are your, like what do you do? Do you have some, so for people listening if they’re like, okay, yes, I totally relate to this. Do you have any simple things that they could do in the moment?

Dorit: Yeah, one of my favorite go-to practices that I actually start with with my clients is first just becoming aware of if you’re feeling something, if you’re having an emotion or you catch yourself distracting and then an emotion comes up, noticing where the emotion is in your body as a physical sensation.

So we’re getting out of the story that we’re creating about the emotion and we’re getting out of the feelings of it as an emotion where we can get still in that story and we’re moving into the body and noticing it as a sensation. And so when you do that, you can separate yourself a little bit from what you’re experiencing and you’re experiencing it, but you’re also witnessing it.

So it creates a little bit of space so you can be with it. When they say be with your emotions, that’s what they mean. So then you notice it as a physical sensation and you just get curious. You see if you can sit with it for a minute, do so because sometimes things shift just by being present with it or they lessen or they move.

And sometimes they’re big and if that’s the case, then you want to bring your awareness somewhere else in your body that feels different. And it doesn’t have to be like from angry to happy, it can be what feels lighter or neutral or just different than what it is and you stay with that. And one of the biggest things is you stay with that space longer than the discomfort because you want to teach your body when you’re here, then you start to regulate, you start to calm down, you start to become more grounded.

And when you stay here long enough, you’re teaching your body that you can experience the discomfort and there’s safety. You come back to a safe space and you’re present again in your environment, where you are and that’s where you want to take the action from. So that’s one of my favorite practices and it sounds so simple, but when I take people through it, they’re like, wow. That really, that really made a difference.

Lindsay: I think it sounds simple when you are thinking through the logistics from a clear mind where we are right now or where someone might be when they’re listening to this right now, but when you’re in it, it does feel very different.

It’s very like, yes, it sounds simple, but when your brain or body, when you as a entire human are in that state, you need something that’s simple, right? I mean, I think that that’s how I would describe it. Like there can’t be a 20 step plan at that point.

Dorit: No no.

Lindsay: There has to be like a do this one thing.

Dorit: Yes. And I love to give this practice to anybody who’s willing to try it to do regularly when you don’t need it because then when you need it, it becomes your, one of your defaults as opposed to getting triggered and reacting. Now you have something else available to tap into.

So when we create a practice around this of just like every morning or every afternoon, just tune in and notice like, oh, what am I feeling right now or what am I thinking which is creating a feeling? What’s happening? And then where is it? And just be with it and notice it becomes familiar and then again, when we need it, it’s just available.

Lindsay: I think that’s so great. So that’s everybody’s homework. Anyone that’s listening. Start practicing this regularly so that when you need it, it’s just there and available.

So, I mean, I feel like what I’ve noticed with you, like watching you is that over time while you’re doing this, it’s like that muscle is just strengthening so that you don’t have to maybe do that entire practice every time you go to take action. Is that true? You haven’t necessarily told me that, but that’s, I feel like that’s what I’m witnessing. Is that true and if so, what would you say about that?

Dorit: Yes, I am experiencing that. I’m able, I’m noticing it because I’m able to take more action before I feel that discomfort or that reaction to shut down. I can get further along and do things that at one time I thought there’s no way like anything with tech.

Lindsay: Okay, hold on. Now you’re touching a sore spot. So…

Dorit: So, when I am in that realm, like I’m starting to notice I’m able to try things longer before that story starts going, I can’t do this. This is hard, whatever is coming up and I’m witnessing that and I think, okay, so now maybe I just need a break. Like what do I need now? There’s more available for me.

And I’m able to come back to it much sooner. That’s the beautiful thing too about this work is even if you have a shut down or whatever response you have, it doesn’t take you out for the same amount of time that it used to. You can come back to what you were trying to accomplish much quicker and from a fresh clean place and and more in an empowered place of like, okay, here we go. Let’s go. I got this. Which I needed someone to give me that when I started this work and now it’s mine.

Lindsay: Okay, I’m so curious about this. So now when you go to maybe like take action on something that you used to that you know used to like there’s no way that you could have just gotten to work, you would have it would have taken you out for a little bit. Do you know it right away? Are you like, oh, is there a pause? That’s like a, oh this is a scary thing. And then you just like hit override and you keep moving or is it more like you just get to work, you do the thing and then you notice at some point, oh, okay, now this is maybe feeling a little hard and then it reminds you like, oh yeah.

Dorit: It is the second. So now when I go to do things that I couldn’t do before, I don’t even notice that I couldn’t do them before because now it’s familiar, my nervous system is comfortable. It’s familiar, so it doesn’t feel like a threat. So I go to do it and I don’t notice until now I’ve reached that next level of, oh here now I’m outside of my comfort zone.

But what’s really lovely is now I can see when I’m, when I’m at that place, I think, oh wow, but look how far I’ve come. And I might have a little dance party because I feel really excited that I’m seeing my own results. I don’t need someone else to tell me you’re doing good, keep going. I’m able to see it myself and then give myself what I need. Sometimes that in itself allows me to push a little further. And then sometimes I need to do a practice and sometimes I just need a break and I think, okay, I’m taking an intentional break, not a distracting break and I will come back to it.

Lindsay: And then when you are like, do you still have moments where it does sneak up on you where you’re like, oh my, like, overcome by whatever the feeling is for you in that moment? Like where you’re like, whoa, first I didn’t see that coming. Second, how did I get here? Like how did I get so far into this overwhelm or nervous system activation before recognizing it?

Dorit: Yes. When I’m in it, I’m not the coach that’s like, I see it. Oh, I see what’s happening. When I’m in it, I’m full blown. Yeah. And usually my trigger is I get really frustrated and I cry and the old story I can’t comes into play.

Like all the old things start showing up and I get in that state, but at some point, I feel it and that’s what pulls me out of it and I think, okay. Okay. That story no longer exists for me. I’m not buying into the I can’t. Maybe I can’t write this minute, so I’m gonna take a break, but I will figure it out. I know I have that in me.

And then depending on how far I’ve gone, if I’m really upset, I will either do a practice or I will go on a walk. I’ll do something that soothes me and that clears that energy for me. A lot of times it’s a walk. I love walking. I love being out in nature. And movement really helps. Movement helps clear the clutter.

Lindsay: Definitely.

Dorit: I process better when I’m moving also just my brain.

Lindsay: Yeah. Oh my gosh, I mean I talk about this all the time on the podcast where I’m like, my best ideas come when I’m on a walk or in the shower for some reason, always in the shower.

Dorit: Me too.

Lindsay: And yeah, I think it’s just because I’m like busy doing something else. My body, I mean in the shower, it’s not like I’m moving that much, but I’m moving not just sitting down staring at a blank screen or piece of paper or whatever, like forcing myself to like create something, right? Like do it, perform now. It’s more of like, oh, let me just go on a walk and clear my head. And when I clear my head, like in air quotes, it’s like all the other stuff is available to, to then like flood in.

Dorit: Yeah. Yeah. The more we know how to work with our nervous system and create spaciousness and safety, the more there is room for creativity and inspiration and ideas. And so whatever that looks like for you, it can be a combination of things. It can be breathing, it can be tuning into your body and noticing what’s there. It can be movement. It can be a shower, you know, washing away the stuff and being in that, it can be doing the dishes. I like doing the dishes. It can be doing the dishes.

Lindsay: We should live together. I’ll do all the laundry.

Dorit: Yes, you do the laundry and I’ll do the dishes.

Lindsay: You can do all the dishes. And then I have teenagers, so they can do the floors because floors, they hurt my back. It’s no good. The older you get, the less, like floors are just out.

Dorit: I agree.

Lindsay: Mopping, vacuuming, none of it.

Dorit: But yeah, I find this work to be for me and my journey one of the most rewarding, transformative and healing practices that I have learned and I love being able to facilitate that with my clients. And it doesn’t, like I went through it through the lens of trauma and healing, but we all have nervous system responses to anything that feels threatening.

And nowadays, the things that feel threatening are being judged or, you know, trying something new or sharing an opinion or it’s those things. And so when we can learn to work with our nervous system, that creates safety in our bodies and that’s when the mindset and the identity work and everything else like they become in tune with each other.

They become aligned. They’re in sync and so then everything works well together and that’s when like things start to happen. You’re like, oh, I’m in this flow. That’s what’s happening. Your body, your mind and I also believe your spirit, they’re all in alignment and in agreement and working together and that’s when the magic happens.

Lindsay: And I think it’s important to acknowledge like it’s not like a perfect system at all times. I think that’s so much of this conversation is like, I think so many coaches think or even just entrepreneurs or even just humans think that everything has to be perfect or there’s this like, when I get there, right? It’s the like, it’s better there. It’s like, when I get there, wherever there is, everything will be obviously perfectly in sync at all times. 100%. I’ll be this whole new human.

And I just think that’s false always. I think it’s like, no, no, you, the difference is you know how to create that. Not that it’s there all the time. It’s still work. It will always be work. That’s like the biggest bummer that I tell people. Like there’s always going to be work to get to that space.

Dorit: Yeah. I always believed there was somewhere to get to and I have finally through this journey, am accepting and realizing and actually embodying there’s nowhere to get to. And it’s not about being perfect. That’s a, that’s a survival pattern. That’s a nervous system response. The need to be perfect is trying to control so that we feel safe.

But there is no control. There is no perfect because we are always changing and evolving and life is lifeing. And when we can do the work where we can feel so in tune and connected and grounded with who we are and present, then whatever comes to us, we can handle it. We, we show up as our whole, authentic, online, grounded, present state. That’s when we make all the good decisions. That’s it. That’s the there. It’s here.

Lindsay: Yeah. I’ve been to the other there that’s like be perfect all of the time and just perform all of the time and also have panic attacks all of the time. And I do not prefer to go back there ever. It’s why coaching has changed my life. And so I think it’s just so important to speak to this.

I think I’m realizing like I had done a lot of this work before I came into coaching because, because of that and so much therapy and so much learning all of so many tools and whatever not for the purpose of helping anyone else but just helping myself at the time.

And yeah, I’m just really grateful for you that you agreed to come on and have this conversation because I think I am getting a lot better. I think I naturally incorporate this, but I don’t think I teach it in as clear of terms as you do. And I’m just so thankful that you were willing to come on and like talk about this experience because I think we all have it in some form. And it’s really hopefully life changing for some people that are listening right now.

Dorit: Yeah, thank you. Thank you for inviting me here and giving me space to speak what I feel so passionately about and thank you for even being with my nervousness in the beginning. I’m doing the work as I’m on this podcast.

Lindsay: Yes. I mean, what’s what the listener won’t hear is that in the beginning there were some nerves and we had to just have a little pause when I was like, I’ve got you. And we took some deep breaths together.

Dorit: Yep.

Lindsay: Not together, but both of us, I think, took some deep breaths. And…

Dorit: Yes, we co-regulated.

Lindsay: And I was like, let’s just change direction. We’ve got this. Because I recognize that that’s the thing that happens and it’s not a problem. And it’s also just important to like give it a pause and it’s okay.

Dorit: Yeah. Thank you.

Lindsay: So. I think you are magic. I’m so grateful that you’re in my world as a client, a friend, a human, because it’s just, you make all the things fun and better. And I hope you really like receive that because it’s true. I think we’ll end here, but I mean obviously we’ll have to have you back on at some point because this is could be an ongoing conversation.

So for now, how about, oh, one one thing we didn’t talk about. Because I’m like, this isn’t even part of the conversation, but I guess we should talk about it right here at the end. If someone’s listening when this episode comes out, it will be almost Coach Week. I don’t know if you know what that is or if you if you saw the post in the membership, but it will be maybe Coach Week. I think this might come out during Coach Week.

So they should obviously join us. But they should also join us in the membership. Maybe tell them what your experience is. If you love it, if you hate it, like what, what are your thoughts?

Dorit: Yes, I love being part of The Complete Coach community. I am in a few coaching communities and this one feels like home. Like literally the way you show up for us, the way you support us to show up for ourselves as whole humans, not just coaches or entrepreneurs, but as whole humans and the way you support each of us to find our voice, our gifts and and lead from that is just such a magical and important, important thing to receive as a coach and a human because you’re creating a space for us so that we can create a space for our our clients.

And the people that you attract, the coaches in there, everyone is so supportive, so, everyone is successful in their own right. The way they show up, the things that they share, even their struggles, they’re like successful struggles that you just want to grow and learn from with them. And yeah, it’s such a beautiful community and I love, I love how you’ve created it with, it’s about coaching, it’s about entrepreneurship, it’s about business, it’s about life.

Like I got to come on, I’m engaged, I got to come on and say, I don’t know how to fit all of this in. I think I do, but I need some support and just being able to have a place to bring all of me and all of my life to get support is just beautiful and I, it’s not out there right now, like having a space for all of, all of you, whole you. So thank you. And yes, to anyone who’s listening, join, you will love being in there.

Lindsay: I love it. Thank you for sharing that. And I, it’s like the biggest compliment to me whenever people say that about what you just said about the community because it’s like that is my ultimate dream, my goal, my, you know, whatever it’s like to create this community that just feels like, of course I can come here for support.

Of course I can say the hard thing either out loud on a call in front of people or on the page when I really need support. I just think it’s so important and I’m glad that you feel that. It just makes me so happy. And huge celebration to you. I’m so excited for your engagement.

Dorit: Thank you. Me too.

Lindsay: And now I’m even more excited, I didn’t know your back story. I’m so sorry to hear all of that, of course.

Dorit: Thank you.

Lindsay: But it makes it such an important I think celebration and transformation for you. So powerful.

Dorit: Yeah. I feel very blessed. I’ve been lucky enough to have two beautiful loves in my life that have been perfect for where I’ve been at. Yeah. In my life and…

Lindsay: I’m so happy for you.

Dorit: Thank you.

Lindsay: If anyone is listening and they want to find you, we’ll put, we’ll link it all in the show notes, but where should they do that? Direct them?

Dorit: Yes, well as I shared, I have this beautiful new website. It’s my name. It’s DoritWright.com and you can follow me on Instagram. It’s Dorit_wright and Facebook Dorit.wright. d. o. r. i. t. w. r. i. g. h. t.

Lindsay: All right, well thank you so much for being here. I’m so grateful and I can’t wait to have you back.

Dorit: Thank you. Can’t wait either.

Lindsay: I hope that you absolutely loved that conversation. I know I did. I had the best time talking to Dorit. I felt like we could just go on and on for hours. We didn’t, you’re welcome, but maybe she will be back on at some point to further discuss some of the things that some of the directions that I thought we could take that conversation.

For now, if you want to join Dorit and I inside of The Complete Coach, the membership is open or opening soon for enrollment when this podcast comes out. So if you go to the show notes, you can find the link for either the waitlist or the membership if it’s open and join us.

But otherwise, this is definitely coming out during Coach Week. And you’re not too late if you’re listening in real time, you should join us. We are, I just know we’re already having the best time inside of the Coach Week group. So get in there, join us, see what it’s all about. Hopefully, I’ll see you there.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Mastering Coaching Skills. If you want to learn more about my work, come visit me at lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com. That’s Lindsay with an A, D-O-T-Z-L-A-F.com. See you next week.